To think that teenage DDs behaviour deserves some repercussion

[cathkidstonbag]

My DD is 15. She's strong willed, stubborn and a total pita a lot of the time but I try to accept that teenagers are and just to go with it.

I have a problem with her inability to do anything around the house. Even putting a plate in the dishwasher. She's always too busy with homework. And indeed she does seem to have vast amounts of it and be on the pc till 11pm at night.

Last night I asked if she could keep an eye on her sisters while I did a 10 minute job in the garage. She was too busy and I did try to discuss with her why she has so much to do and whether that's normal.

Later in the evening I went to log onto my hotmail account to find hers was left logged in. I shouldn't but I looked. That evening she had spent most of it having a discussion with her friend about how evil I was expecting her to do anything (usual teenage stuff there) but then how dumb I was. I was so stupid I didn't understand her homework because I'd been too thick to go to uni. I didn't work so sat on my arse all day at home (actually am at college and setting up my own business). She really got the knife in as did her friend.

DH thinks I shouldn't have looked and should just forget it. I'm destroyed over it tbh. I know teenagers are cruel but at the end of the day she was too busy to do a few chores but had all this time to be nasty about me.

AIBU to think her behaviour deserves some kind of consequences?

how you doing today, cath ?

m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=GB#/watch?v=TQtDGsZBrSQ

This guy has the right idea!

And the longer version
m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=GB#/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU

Hi AF. Same old sh*t different day here but thanks for asking! Have decided to set aside a day tomorrow to formulate some new family rules and introduce them over a nice family dinner on Saturday. Sure it won't go down well but have to try. Thanks for all the helpful comments. Good to know I wasn't being unreasonable!!

Does your husband do any housework?

let us know how you get on x

Haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if it's been said before, but there is no way she should be taking that long to do her homework. When I did GCSEs, I did a maximum of a couple of hours a night (and I got good grades!). I was also in bed by 9pm 10pm (sad emoticon). Agree she should be made to help at home, keep her own room tidy, make her own bed up with clean sheets, and put dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

Good luck Cath.

Your H is bonkers if he thinks it's cruel. I would go along the lines of chores for EVERYONE, and no special treatment - and less time on the Laptop.

Hope it goes well and H listens to you. If not i'd want to go on strike!

good luck cath, do let us know how you get on and come here if you need support, help, courage in the build up or aftermath of your talk.

oh good luck and its good that you are thinking it through good luck and yes keep your thread going , trying not to be too cheesey but we are all here for you

Good luck! Remember we're all behind you (or wherever cyberspace would be in relation to you).

Hi Cath, I'm pretty new to this commenting malarky but just wanted to show you some support before your family pow wow tomorrow.
If (and I think he will) your husband starts to get all high and mighty about what you are proposing, I'd suggest just reminding him that while supporting DD1 is free, continually undermining you and your parenting skills is likely to cost him half of everything he thinks he owns!
You are in the right and you need to make a stand on behalf of your other DD. Hope you get the chance to check into this thread before tomorrow night, just so you know we're all behind you:o

How did the family meeting go?

Just thought I'd update on here as I got so much help from you all.

I think I have got DD back on the straight and narrow a bit. DH wasn't really on board with the way I wanted things to go so I had a chat with her myself. I told her how hurt I was that she had talked about me that way and told her how things would be from now on. So far so good. We are definitely having less of an issue with the helping and this morning without asking she tidied her room and made her bed! I also told her that her friend was not allowed her again until she apologised to me as well. To give her her due her friend did email me an apology which was actually very sweet.

So things at home are better (for now!).

That's great, I hope you can all keep it up (& get your husband on side, he sounds daft)

You've taken the first big difficult step. Well done but now you need to keep on top of it. Don't let it slip!

I would think she could do internet stuff within an hour or so, then do the writing up without internet access. She is obviously doing well at school and you are not concerned about her not getting the work done - my problem with 12 yo dd is that she will just spend hours on FB and chatting and not actually getting the work done. So I have to keep a close eye on her if she says she needs the internet for something I am in and out every few minutes to make sure progress is being made! I also set time limits then turn the router off.
I also have a great deal of trouble getting her to do any chores. She has been without her allowance for weeks on end as she doesn't do the basic stuff asked of her and she is also paying me back for some thefts and damage.

So sorry, but it seems that your daughter doesn't have any respect for you and this is partly because you run round doing everything for her, letting her surf the net while pretending to do homework all night and even put your own work off till the wee hours because she's commandeered the computer!

You're not treating yourself with respect, so why should she?

Talk to her teachers about how much time she should be spending on homework each night. Give her some chores to do while you are using the computer for your work. Don't prepare her any food, wash her clothes or change her sheets until she treats you and the house with more respect.