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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off my parents won't cancel their theatre trip & babysit?

301 replies

lechatnoir · 28/02/2012 20:45

DH & I have been invited to best friend's wedding overseas. We can't afford/didn't want to take our DC so before accepting we spoke to both sets of parents to see if they could babysit DC for the 2 days & 1 night we'd be away. My parents said they had the theatre booked on the saturday night but if we were stuck could try & rearrange or cancel (they go at least once a month if not more & finance wouldn't be the issue) but DH's parents were happy to come & stay so we accepted the invite & booked our flights.

It's now 4 weeks until wedding & MIL called earlier to say she's been put on a waiting list for a minor op that if it went ahead before the wedding (quite possible) would prevent her coming as she can't drive for 6 weeks afterwards & there's no way they can get here any other way. So, I called my parents to explain but they're now saying they can't baby-sit as they're going out. I asked if they could reschedule but they said no. End of conversation. So, we might not be able to go to the wedding & if we do cancel, it could be very short notice so no chance of refunds not to mention very unhappy bride Angry

So AIBU to be totally fucked off that my parents won't cancel some crappy theatre 'do' & help us out?

OP posts:
CoffeeBucks · 28/02/2012 20:48

Is there anyone who could babysit just on the Saturday night, with your parents doing the rest of the childcare?

GrahamTribe · 28/02/2012 20:49

I can understand that you're disappointed but YABU. Your children are not your parents' responsibility, they've done their childrearing, nows the time for them to relax and do things like go to the theatre. Added to that they had offered to cancel, were told it wasn't necessary and so went ahead with their plans. It's not as if they had agreed to go on standby if your PIL couldn't help.

yellowvan · 28/02/2012 20:50

I don't think you can expect them to drop everything just to fit in with your (changed) plans, no. Anyone else you could ask? friends? Sibs?

maxpower · 28/02/2012 20:51

Sadly I think YAB(a bit)U. I can see why you're angry but you had other childcare in place, so your parents weren't to know that they'd be needed. If you're desperate, can you offer to get them tickets for another night? I take it you've got no other friends or family that can help out?

westonsorganic · 28/02/2012 20:51

YANBU....ordinarily I'd say you can only ask but not expect people to help but they're your own parents and its now a bit of an emergency with big conequences for you if you cancel the trip. Hope you find someone else and that sounds a good compromise as suggested by CoffeeBucks

DinahMoHum · 28/02/2012 20:51

YANBU, id be pissed off

Salmotrutta · 28/02/2012 20:51

Oh dear - I'm a Gran and I would definitely babysit for something like this. Especially if I was a regular theatre goer or whatever and it wasn't some special treat that was costing me a lot.
Would be an awful shame if you now lose all your deposits or even full costs!
Is there anyone else you can ask?

Anonymumous · 28/02/2012 20:51

Yes, YABU. It's not their fault your MIL might not be able to help out as she said she would. Either find someone else who might be able to help or put up with it - that's life.

What about FIL anyway - you mentioned DH's parents in the plural, so maybe he could still help out in some way? Or can't you take DC to them rather than them coming to you?

Annunziata · 28/02/2012 20:52

"Totally fucked off" is a bit strong. They said that they'd try to help, they can't be expected to drop everything at one word from you.

AwkwardMary · 28/02/2012 20:53

YANBU. I suspect they don't want to babysit...are the DC hard work for them maybe?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 28/02/2012 20:53

Could parents collect MIL to babysit the Saturday night, and drive her back?

GoingForGoalWeight · 28/02/2012 20:53

YABU - you'll have to find someone to babysit. Your parent's are entitled to their life too. Hmm

girliefriend · 28/02/2012 20:53

How old are your children? There must be friends or other relatives you could ask.

YABU it sounds like they did try and say no the first time you asked tbh.

AlbertoFrog · 28/02/2012 20:54

I was going to say YABU however, your parents said they'd cancel the theatre if you were stuck.

You would appear to be stuck and stand to lose much more than they do so on this occasion no YANBU.

Salmotrutta · 28/02/2012 20:55

I definitely don't think the OP is Unreasonable to want her folks to help in this situation.
A pre-booked trip to an overseas wedding and a possibility they will lose all the money?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 28/02/2012 20:55

I have splinters.

On one hand YABU to expect parents to drop their plans.

On the other hand it is a major outing and they did say they could cancel...

NonnoMum · 28/02/2012 20:56

Another example of selfish friends who want to marry abroad ("Oh, but it's soooo much cheaper..." for you maybe, hideous for all your guests)

wellwisher · 28/02/2012 20:57

YABU. Get a relief babysitter (at your expense) for the night of their theatre trip. I imagine their offer to move the theatre night was made before they booked the tickets.

Iteotwawki · 28/02/2012 20:57

If she's been put on a waiting list and the wedding is only 4 weeks away how likely is it that she'll have her surgery before? Unless the uk has changed significantly since I left, the waiting lists were 8-16 weeks.

If she does get a late cancellation, could you go and pick up your in-laws rather than have them drive? Yes it's a hassle but they are helping you ou and it seems less drastic than cancelling your trip.

Annunziata · 28/02/2012 20:57

Travel insurance should cover the money, no?

LunarRose · 28/02/2012 20:57

YANBU - they offered to cancel in the first place. You therefore booked on the assumption that both sets of parents were happy to back you up on the babysitting front. It's not your fault you MIL might have to cancel.

Hope it all sorts out ok

allagory · 28/02/2012 20:57

Well, one if you could go...in my experience men aren't that fussed on weddings...

Salmotrutta · 28/02/2012 20:59

Part of being a parent is also helping out with grandchildren too in exceptional circumstances!
Those saying OP is BU - will you be taking that stance regarding babysitting grandchildren when you are asked to help out in a tricky situation in the future?

redspottedfrog · 28/02/2012 21:01

YANBU. I'd be pissed off in this scenario as yes you're asking them to change plans but with a BLOODY good reason for it that you couldn't have forseen.

If it was my mum I would absolutely challenge her on it. In a very nice way of course spelling out very very carefully the consequences (you miss the wedding, lots of money wasted etc) along with what you can do for them to say thankyou if they do agree such as buy new theatre tickets etc.

Can you go back to them and plead?

Iteotwawki · 28/02/2012 21:01

Oh and I'm on the fence too re unreasonableness! They did offer, but you said it wasn't needed, but they go regularly and finance isn't an issue, but why should they change their social life to support yours, but this is a big prebooked trip and probably finance is an issue for you, but they said they would cancel if you got stuck... Think that's one more for the yanbu side then :)