to be pissed off my parents won't cancel their theatre trip & babysit?

[lechatnoir]

DH & I have been invited to best friend's wedding overseas. We can't afford/didn't want to take our DC so before accepting we spoke to both sets of parents to see if they could babysit DC for the 2 days & 1 night we'd be away. My parents said they had the theatre booked on the saturday night but if we were stuck could try & rearrange or cancel (they go at least once a month if not more & finance wouldn't be the issue) but DH's parents were happy to come & stay so we accepted the invite & booked our flights.

It's now 4 weeks until wedding & MIL called earlier to say she's been put on a waiting list for a minor op that if it went ahead before the wedding (quite possible) would prevent her coming as she can't drive for 6 weeks afterwards & there's no way they can get here any other way. So, I called my parents to explain but they're now saying they can't baby-sit as they're going out. I asked if they could reschedule but they said no. End of conversation. So, we might not be able to go to the wedding & if we do cancel, it could be very short notice so no chance of refunds not to mention very unhappy bride

So AIBU to be totally fucked off that my parents won't cancel some crappy theatre 'do' & help us out?

I would never expect §my parents to cancel something they'd already planned, even if they offered to. I haven't read the whole thread, but can you take DC to PILs if MIL can't drive?

salmotrutta are you suggesting my DCs are not a delight and that's why my ILs come up with excuses not to look after them?! (only joking )

like I said, like you, personally I'd help out (and even when the issue first came up, I'd have probably kept the date free just in case) but OP's parents aren't responsible for their DGC and have the right to say no

With 4 weeks to go, the GPs could probably get a refund/exchange or sell the tickets on somehow.

I think they are BU.

Okay

Your parents arent being unreasonable when this is viewed in isolation. However, IME in a very few years your need for babysitters will reduce. Conversely your parents need for support will increase. We are certainly seeing this now as our parents are needing more support in their lives.

Enlightened self-interest would suggest that your parents would be wise to help you now if they will want help in the future.

Sadly, it seems that your parents are only thinking in the short-term. You can take your revenge in the choice of care home

You mean you'd refuse to help Graham?

FFS get a babysitter for the saturday night and count yourself v lucky they can do the rest of the time. YABU.

Your ILs are clearly mad max (see the subtle joke )

And just because I wouldn't expect my parents to cancel, doesn't mean I wouldn't cancel plans for my DD.

See, sometimes I've changed my plans to help out with the DGC, and sometimes I have had to say I have a prior engagement but that would be for a bog-standard babysitting scenario. (e.g. one that DD and SIL can re-schedule like a meal out or something).
The OP's situ is very different. Not an emergency but a big deal.

Not cancelling the theatre is BU, but this looks like not wanting to look after the grandkids for 3 days. Not so U.

Remind your parents that you get to choose their old age home :o

Your parents are being mean, in my opinion. All my children's grandparents would cancel their plans in this situation, I strongly suspect. Hope you think of a solution.

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP. My parents would drop anything, move mountains, leap tall buildings in a single bound to spend time with their granddaughters especially when I am not around to supervise

My wonderful PILs too - although I think in their case it is more a desire to help me and DH rather than the thought of unencumbered DGC time.

I know how lucky I am. Too bad they all live in bloody Canada.

Salmo

that's an interesting angle gnome I may have to try that on my ILs

gosh I'm surprised you folks won't oblige given the financial and social impact if not attending

YABU. It sounds as if you are putting your parents on "standby" so that if your ILs cannot babysit at last minute due to being called up on the waiting list, then your parents can step in. As a grandparent, I would be annoyed at this. It smacks of "cancel your plans and keep that weekend clear, as I MIGHT need you to babysit."

They offered to try to cancel, but you made other arrangements. So now it's up to you to sort out the childcare. It's not an emergency. It's a wedding. These things happen and that's life. You're not having emergency surgery. You're not ill. You weren't called in to work at the last minute. You cannot just expect them to drop everything for a social event.

As a grandparent, I wouldn't change my plans at that point. As the parent who wanted to go to the wedding, I wouldn't ask my parents to change their plans at that point.

There are other options :

• childcare service
• depending on the operation (you did say it was minor), bring your children to the ILs, so they don't have to drive
• pay for other mode of transportation for the ILs to get to your house
• stay home - if bride is truly your best friend, she'll understand that unfortunately things happen

your MIL cant drive, but why can you not take the kids to her house?

To answer a few queries, the children are 2 & 6 so too young to be looked after overnight by strangers IMO and unfortunately ILs are 300 miles away so dropping the DC off or FIL coming alone (he doesn't drive) isn't an option. I seriously doubt we could afford a professional sitter for an overnight stay as contrary to belief we are quite skint (donated airmiles & mates sofa for the night the extent of our trip costs!).
OK so I still feel they're being unreasonable but I accept 'totally fucked off' is a little extreme.

It seems that on MN you have two camps - those that think that it's entirely reasonable to ask (and expect to a degree I suppose) GP's to help out with childcare, and those that think you have no right to expect anything from them, your kids, your problem. So any thread like this will have an equal amount of YABU and YANBU. But, I am surprised that in this situation quite a few people still think the GP's behaviour is ok.

OP can you try and reason with your parents?

YANBU. If I were a GP, I would be prepared to cancel my theatre trip in these circumstances, no hesitation. I know my parents would do it for me too. In-laws... probably... not so sure though!

To all those who think the OP is being U... Imagine in a few years time, her parents are getting frail and need someone to drive them to a ruby wedding anniversary party of good friends. They ask OP, well in advance if she will take them. There isn't anyone else who can do it. Would OP BU to tell them, sorry, she has theatre tickets booked?

I think it's OK to ask them and OK for them to say no. I wouldn't go to a wedding abroad without my kids unless I was certain I had babysitters.
If MIL's op is just minor then could she wait until after the wedding for it, alot of people have holidays etc booked and if it's for an elective nonessential op will ask the surgeon "can I have it after x date". Alternatively as it's only MIL driving that is the problem could you pay for them to get a train down or either take the sprogs there or bring your inlaws down to your house. You do seem to want alot of people to run around after you for 1 wedding. With 2 small kids I wouldn't have gone to the wedding.

I'm not clear whether you want you parents just to do the night or the two days as well.

If its just the night then I think they are BtotallyU, there's no way I'd put a night out above helping my child (in the future) with a problem that is of nobody's making.

How far away do your ILs live, could you pay for a taxi to get them to your house if its just the driving that's a problem.

I think its odd to suggest using a random babysitter that neither you nor the children know when you're out of the country.

Not if she did have theatre tickets booked.
She would bu if she was just saying that to get back at them having held a grudge for years.