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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off my parents won't cancel their theatre trip & babysit?

301 replies

lechatnoir · 28/02/2012 20:45

DH & I have been invited to best friend's wedding overseas. We can't afford/didn't want to take our DC so before accepting we spoke to both sets of parents to see if they could babysit DC for the 2 days & 1 night we'd be away. My parents said they had the theatre booked on the saturday night but if we were stuck could try & rearrange or cancel (they go at least once a month if not more & finance wouldn't be the issue) but DH's parents were happy to come & stay so we accepted the invite & booked our flights.

It's now 4 weeks until wedding & MIL called earlier to say she's been put on a waiting list for a minor op that if it went ahead before the wedding (quite possible) would prevent her coming as she can't drive for 6 weeks afterwards & there's no way they can get here any other way. So, I called my parents to explain but they're now saying they can't baby-sit as they're going out. I asked if they could reschedule but they said no. End of conversation. So, we might not be able to go to the wedding & if we do cancel, it could be very short notice so no chance of refunds not to mention very unhappy bride Angry

So AIBU to be totally fucked off that my parents won't cancel some crappy theatre 'do' & help us out?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 28/02/2012 21:02

Travel insurance only covers cancellations like deaths/serious illness etc. IIRC?

But it's also her best friend's wedding!!

And Nonno - this could have applied for a UK wedding too. Not as costly obviously but still involving expense.

TidyDancer · 28/02/2012 21:02

I'm with whoever said they tried to say no the first time. Maybe they should've been firmer, but really, they shouldn't have to cancel their plans.

YANBU to be disappointed, but being 'fucked off' about their 'crappy' plans is OTT.

charitygirl · 28/02/2012 21:03

Oh, all this 'you can't expect them to change their plans' stuff is bullshit! What kind of parents wouldn't? YANBU - are your parents often self-centred?

Salmotrutta · 28/02/2012 21:05

Seriously, would the YABUers stand frim if it was their DS/DD asking this in the future? Really?

TidyDancer · 28/02/2012 21:05

charitygirl, it's not bullshit. They have plans, they only said they'd try to rearrange to help, it's not as if it was a set in stone promise.

These parents are not self centred by the sound of it, just not willing to change their plans so their adult children can go to a social event. That's not unreasonable at all.

whethergirl · 28/02/2012 21:07

yanbu. There is a trend on this site of making a point that grandparents have done their bit as parents and not obliged to do anymore. But in my family grandparents have responsibilities too, not only as grandparents but as parents. Do you stop giving support to your dc just because they are adults? given the significance of your situation compared to theirs, I do think they are being a bit selfish.

Anonymumous · 28/02/2012 21:08

They offered to cancel when the idea was first mooted and it looked like there wouldn't be any other option - that doesn't mean that the offer still stands months down the line when other plans fall through. You chose to have children and you decided you didn't want to take them to an overseas wedding. That's NOT your parents' problem, and you shouldn't blame them for the situation you have found yourself in.

Annunziata · 28/02/2012 21:09

This isn't "giving support," this is an excuse for a holiday.

hackmum · 28/02/2012 21:09

Could you drop the DCs at MiL's if she can't come to you?

TotemPole · 28/02/2012 21:10

Can't FIL drive?

Gumby · 28/02/2012 21:10

But in my family grandparents have responsibilities too, not only as grandparents but as parents. Do you stop giving support to your dc just because they are adults?

Christ, you mean I can't chuck 'em out at 18 & forget about them?!

saintmerryweather · 28/02/2012 21:12

They don't owe you anything. YABU.

thetasigmamum · 28/02/2012 21:14

YABU to go off on a holiday and leave your DCs behind. YABU to expect your parents to shoulder your responsibilities, cancelling their possibly long anticipated treat (you say this theatre trip is no big deal, but I don't think you are an unbiased source of information there) so that you can spend a lot of money on a holiday for yourselves without your children. I don't think it's your parents who are being selfish tbh.

Pumpster · 28/02/2012 21:15

yabu. My parents never babysit, ever. I would just go on my own or try and sort alternative childcare.

Salmotrutta · 28/02/2012 21:16

Blimey - some of you had better tell your DCs you won't be putting yourself out for any future Grandchildren. Hmm

maxpower · 28/02/2012 21:16

salmotrutta I can safely say that if I was a GP and my DC asked me to cancel a theatre trip in these circumstances, I would do it without hesitation. But I can appreciate that others wouldn't (this is exactly what happens in my family - my M&D bend over backwards to help out, DH's parents always have a reason they can't help). Bottom line is that OP and her DH are responsible for childcare and while she can rightly be p'd off that the childcare they arranged has potentially broken down, imho it doesn't mean that she should be p'd off at her parents iyswim.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 28/02/2012 21:17

YABU. They said they would change their plans back when you asked them about it the first time, that doesn't mean they should still be happy to change their plans now.

Ask if they will still do the daytimes and get a babysitter for the night.

yousankmybattleship · 28/02/2012 21:17

YABU. Your parents have plans. You knew that. Parents in law are the ones who have let you down. Is FIL not able to take on the child care? Ultimately though your childrne are your responsibility. It is a shame if you miss your holiday but these things happen.

ifancyashandy · 28/02/2012 21:18

thetasigmamum, tad harsh there? It IS ok for parents to go away for a weekend / week without their kids you know. And that's not actually what the OP was asking 'AIBU?' about.

Salmotrutta · 28/02/2012 21:21

But max - it's a one-off Big Event and I really don't think the OP is unreasonable to be hacked off with her parents who are unwilling to step in.
Yes, I know some people are like that but our Grandsons are a joy and we love babysitting.

FizzyLaces · 28/02/2012 21:21

YANBU OP. I'm Shock that people think you are.

TotemPole · 28/02/2012 21:21

It isn't a holiday, it's a wedding. 2 days and 1 night, allowing for flight time and fitting in the wedding, it doesn't leave much time for much else.

tralalala · 28/02/2012 21:22

Yanbu - but just a babysitter for the sat night.

GrahamTribe · 28/02/2012 21:23

Salmo, if I were in the parents shoes here, yes.

SootySweepandSue · 28/02/2012 21:24

You can get babysitters from agencies. Plenty of people without GP support use them all the time. I can see that you are annoyed but to be honest you are lucky to ever have GPs support and free babysitting.