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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD 'breastfeeding'

227 replies

BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 10:37

Ok DD is 5 and DS1 is 3. They are great pals and play really well together. They play lots of role play games including mummy and daddys were they are the parents to a baby doll. Recently it has become mummy and baby with DD as mummy and DS1 as her baby. As part of this game DD will lift her top and pretend to breast feed DS he will put his mouth on her nipple and pretend to feed.
I know its not a huge deal and it's perfectly innocent of course. I am breast feeding DS2 so to them it is just how babies are fed, and they both always did it playing with dolls. But I don't know if its appropriate
DH thinks it isn't and needs to be stopped. What do you guys think. Should I say something and if so what.

OP posts:
RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 10:39

I don't really think it's a big deal and I'm sure it'll be a passing fad. I doubt they'll still be playing at 'breastfeeding' when they are 15 and 13 or even in 6 months time. I wouldn't worry about it.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 10:44

I wouldnt encourage it.

In fact id just say 'dont do that DS you're not a baby and DD isnt your mum'

Its not really pretending if he is actually sucking her nipple is it?

solidgoldbrass · 28/02/2012 10:44

I wouldn't worry about it. Breastfeeding is natural, they are just acting out a natural, normal, healthy behaviour, and they will move on to something else fairly soon. However, making a fuss about it (or allowing any other buckethead to make a fuss about it in their hearing) will distress them. So tell your H to keep his trap shut and get a grip.

Original poster
BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 10:46

Well he is not actually sucking her nipple, just putting his mouth around it. There is nothing there for him to suck, just flat skin.

OP posts:
RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 10:47

I think the fact that a five year old doesn't have breasts and can't lactate and the three year old is not her child means that it is REALLY pretending amberleaf

What a weird thing to say! Confused

Original poster
BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 10:49

Last post was to amber leaf. Also amber I don't think I could say that to them. They play a lot of role play imagination games and I think that should be encouraged. He is well aware that he is not a baby and dd is not his mum. SGB we have not said anything in their hearing.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 10:49

Yes its natural to copy.

its not sinister and they are children.

However, if DD is 5 she must now be at school? if she was to mention this at school and an adult heard it may raise questions.

Things like this can be easily misconstrued.

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 10:49

It sounds a bit like your DH thinks it's 'dirty' or something, he should be working on his own problematic responses, not trying to pass them on to his kids IMO.

Lulumama · 28/02/2012 10:49

I honestly wouldn't worry

if you find it a bit ick, you could encourage them both to pretend more by breastfeeding a dolly

but children copy their parents, they see you breastfeeding, they want to do it.. if they saw you bottle feed, that's what they'd copy

I wouldn't make a big deal or make a point about stopping it, more chance of making them feel shame or revulsion about it. when there shouldn't be any

thisisyesterday · 28/02/2012 10:50

it wouldn't bother me at all. it's just a game

it would only be inappropriate if you are coming at it from the point of view of it being sexual. which it is not. it is pretending to feed a baby...

StarlightDicKenzie · 28/02/2012 10:50

It's fine. Ignore it.

If she was sucking his willy that might be an issue but the sexualisation of breasts is a kind of artificially created and there is no intent.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 10:50

Rachel, how is that wierd? they are doing something even if she obviously doesnt have breasts and cant lactate.

Lulumama · 28/02/2012 10:51

if a 5 year old went onto school and said , my mummy is breastfeeding my baby brother and me and by other brother play being mummies, and he pretends to breastfeed, do you really think that is an issue that would be flagged up?

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 10:52

Yes they are doing something, they are PRETENDING to breastfeed. You said they are "not really pretending". That's an odd thing to say.

Faverolles · 28/02/2012 10:52

I don't think it's a big deal at all, and I can't imagine what questions this could possibly raise Confused

Lulumama · 28/02/2012 10:52

a child's chest/nipples are not sexual
there is no sexual play involved
they are copying mummy, who feeds the baby from her breasts

putting an adult p.o.v on this as nipples/suckling/sexual is wrong in this instance

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 10:52

Lulumama I doubt it would be said in such an articulate explainable way though!

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 10:52

Its not an odd thing to say Rachel dont over think it.

Original poster
BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 10:53

YY Rachel, that is DHs concern, that it will be misconstrued either by DD doing t in public with DS or some other kid in the couse of a game or else saying something like you said.
I am worried that if I say something I could teach her there is something shameful in breast feeding.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 28/02/2012 10:54

if she mentions it to anyone and they get the wrong idea then tell THEM, not her.

if your dh is that concerned then you could always speak to the school and explain that they've been pretending to breastfeed and that your husband is concerned that it could be misconstrued. that way if she does say antthing it will be noted alreay

Lulumama · 28/02/2012 10:55

DD regularly pretends to breastfeed her dolls. One time recently she was stripped to the waist, walked into my bedroom, sat down heavily and huffed 'it's really hard being a mummy, my twins are awake aaaaaall night' and she proceeded to nurse both her dollies at once. we had a nice chat, including the fact that prince william was the father of her babies and she was going to live in a castle. She was in year 1 at the time .. if she'd gone into school and relayed this story, do you think the school would have flagged it up as a potential abuse/sexulaised behaviour? no, because she was a 5 year old, having a game, that happened to involve breastfeeding

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 10:56

How often does this happen they probably playing another game by now !! no harm done but have to agree if she at school and starts talking about it or playing at school could be awkard

Lulumama · 28/02/2012 10:56

my 5 year old could have articulated that though

or said similar about pretending to play mummies, even if was something like my baby brother gets milk from my mummy's boobies and when we play mummies, we pretend too !

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 10:57

Either they are pretending to breastfeed or actually breastfeeding AmberLeaf - they are not really doing something else which they are not aware of which seems to be your issue and BlueFergie's DH's issue. There is nothing sexual or shameful about what they are doing, just as there is nothing sexual or shameful about breastfeeding.

I think it's a great opportunity to support your dh to challenge his own difficult feelings around breastfeeding but I think you are right to want to protect your dc from having those ideas projected onto them.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 10:58

Lulumama, seriously you think your example of your DD feeding her dolls is the same?!

Ok.

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