DD 'breastfeeding'

[BlueFergie]

Ok DD is 5 and DS1 is 3. They are great pals and play really well together. They play lots of role play games including mummy and daddys were they are the parents to a baby doll. Recently it has become mummy and baby with DD as mummy and DS1 as her baby. As part of this game DD will lift her top and pretend to breast feed DS he will put his mouth on her nipple and pretend to feed.
I know its not a huge deal and it's perfectly innocent of course. I am breast feeding DS2 so to them it is just how babies are fed, and they both always did it playing with dolls. But I don't know if its appropriate
DH thinks it isn't and needs to be stopped. What do you guys think. Should I say something and if so what.

Clothes, my ds2 (3) likes to put his whole mouth on my cheeks and blow raspberries! You would faint.

I blow raspberries on their tummies

And we are all very "kissy"

I think it's more recently that girls and nipples and boobs has become an issue. At 5 yo I was still running around topless, actually I was until I was 11yo and felt conscious enough to cover up. My mum always told me she would buy me a 'proper' bikini, so boob one iyswim when I had some. She did have to do it earlier (I was 12) as I had none until I was 15 and at that age there was no-way I would go topless. But I had a 2 piece bikini with a crop top type top.

We also played DR's and nurses until about 10yo and wouldn't think twice about removing our tops to listen to the chest.

She was always very sure on the issue of not sexualising breasts. She sunbathed topless abroad and when I moved to work abroad at 19 so did I. Even now I say 'they're just breasts'.

I think she had a healthy attitude and it sounds like you do too OP. Your DC's are copying you feeding your child and providing them nutrition. That can only stand in good stead for the future when your children have children of their own - they'll see BF for what is is and hopefully if they're able - do it themselves.

yes lots or raspberry blowing here, the boys do it to each other and shock horror to their sister! i kiss my children on their lips, cheeks, forehead, tummy, toes etc. i agree with sardine that children quickly learn about levels of intimacy being different and my children know they can ALWAYS say no and on occasion they will refuse a kiss or say no to being tickled etc, you can be relaxed about nudity etc and still have boundaries and respect people and what they want.

Oh yes, raspberries all over, nape of neck and behind knee is especially ticklish I find!

I meant that steering them towards their dolls / teddies keeps it innocent in that nothing 'bad' is being said about what they are doing so not making them feel they are doing anything wrong. Even if I meant it in the way you think the addition of the word "keeps" would suggest that what are are doing is already innocent no?

"Who has posted to say the children should be used to prove a point even if it means them getting shouted at or whatever."
Someone said upthread that it would be a great opportunity to challenge her DHs feelings, someone else said something along the lines of getting the kids to stand up for their and the mums beliefs. Thats just the two I can recall atm that made me feel a bit . I didnt say even if it means them getting shouted at or whatever, so twice in the same post you have read something that isnt there. So you can see how easily its done. Thats my point, others may see something that isnt there with the bfing game, but the difference is I am an adult and can take someone having a go about something I havent even done or said, but a 3 and a 5 year old could get terribly upset and it could undo all the positives.

DS1 loves a raspberry in his armpits or bum cheek

"Children learn very quickly that the levels of intimacy within the family are different to those outside the family. "

This is the part i dont understand though, based on the fact that most abuse happens to children from within the family, so what if this is a dangerous message to teach our kids?
sardine i realise i may be too far over the over way & may be better to have a balance but if i am not sure where to draw the line i would rather just rule out everything to be on the safer side.

i think its ok to kiss dc on the cheeks or head though, dont get the poster that said they rather a mouth on the childs nipple than near the face?! i get no kissing on mouths tho but kissing babies on the cheeks is normal, cos the cheeks r so chubby & cute

youarekidding when i was younger i lived abroad and up till 9 or 10 was topless on the beach etc, like your mum mine said she would buy me a bikini when i needed it, i just work the bottom half or if i wanted i had a swimming costume i could wear. i was a 'late' developer breast wise but tbh it was fine there was just no issue with children, girls or boys being topless on the beach. and my first bikini was the crop top type.

i actually think its very sad that people would stop 4 or 5 yr old bathing together etc, is this really what society is coming to that we have to stop the innocence of childhood and teach them about modesty etc at such a young age? i know my own boys have developed their own modesty and need for privacy as they get older ie ds1 is 12 and now likes to go and shower on his own etc, he will still leave the bathroom door open when he goes to the toilet tho [rolls eyes] and my 9, 7 and 3 yr olds are not too bothered, will hop in and out of that bath with each other and wander round naked. but we are quite easy going like that and they see me naked etc. like i said it makes me sad that we worry so much and that we would give our children the idea that they need to keep covered up and they should effectively feel ashamed or embarrassed etc, i would much rather my children are confident in their bodies and who they are and they can do this and share a bath etc and still KNOW that their bodies are theirs and they dont have to show them to others etc.

But that's their dad firwala.

Presuably he won't tell them they're disgusting or whatever. I thought you were talking about strangers out and about.

Your post earlier was good 4madboys!

I think by 'within the family', it would mean mum/ dad/ siblings. Even grandparents/ uncles/ aunts would have slightly different rules. I don't think my dsis, much as she loves my kids, would give my kids a raspberry on the bum! If there is a problem with abuse from a very close member of the family, I think the child themselves will know that it is not right, but the issues of speaking up about it or a lot more complex than knowing it's not right.

firwala but I wipe my children's bottoms, I cuddle them on my lap, I let them into the bed with me when they have a bad dream or whatever, I help them take their clothes off before a bath and I dry them off afterwards.

Levels of intimacy are different within the family there's no getting away from it, and children are able to understand that.

On this point "This is the part i dont understand though, based on the fact that most abuse happens to children from within the family, so what if this is a dangerous message to teach our kids?" well it's only me and DH who have this level of intimacy with them and so unless one of us is sexually abusing them then there's no problem.

well i am off to have a bath and as i have let 14mth old dd feed herself her porridge this morning (big mess!) she too will be joining me in the bath we are relaexed about these things and are happy to be so but my children still know their are boundaries and to say no if they are ever not comfortable or happy with anything, they two are not exclusive to each other.

interesting debate tho, and i asked dp (who works with abused children) and he cant see the issue, its just children doing role play.

"We don't kiss the children on the face, only on the top of the head, and I don't remember ever being kissed on the face by my parents."

How sad is this?

I regularly bath with ds(6) and dd(9), as does dh. I'm not about to stop this any time soon. I'm not going to change the close relationship I have with my dc because somewhere there are sick, twisted individuals who abuse children.

Why is that sad Faverolles? There are lots of ways to show affection.

I'm not going to wade into this.
I'm not going to wade into this.
I'm not going to - oh sod it. It's sad not to kiss children on the face because they're your bloody children. It's an intuitive expression of love for the people that you hold most dear. Gah!

And there's nothing wrong with breastfeeding games. There, said it.

it clearly isn't innate to me because I have no desire to do it.

I think it just shows people's level of prejudice that everybody must do the same as them. Some of you think it is inappropriate for a child to kiss another child's nipple, but have no actual explanation as to why it is wrong, other than you don't like it and your household doesn't do it. Some of you think it is inappropriate that I don't kiss my children on the face because you don't like that I don't do it and your household does do it.

So basically, for all of you, your argument boils down to I do X and everybody must be like me. Why do any of you care so much what other people with their children or that other people are different for you?

ClothesofSand, do you kiss your dh on the face or mouth? I think it's a bit sad for your kids, if they grow up feeling like mouths are dirty and shouldn't go near faces. It probably will make intimacy a bit more difficult.

MM, yes, I do kiss DH on the mouth. Until I came on MN and read all the threads about people whose children had cold sores, I had no idea that most people did kiss their children on the face and mouth. It had just never occurred to me that this was something people did. By the time I came on MN, DD were about 11 and 8, so it was a bit late in the day to realise that we were unusual in this respect.

I just don't think it makes any difference. Having read all the threads about people who have issues with extended breastfeeding, with nudity, with kids sleeping in parent's bed, with people sharing baths, with kids playing in parks or on beaches naked, with hugging children of certain ages, I think we are far more relaxed about intimacy than most people on here are. We just don't kiss the kids faces and I don't recall ever having a conversation with them about it, because I (and presumably they) were unaware we were meant to be kissing each other on the face, until I came on here and read it.

I think it would be odd to force myself to do something which I would never intuitively do. Does it really make any difference if I hug them and kiss them on the top of the head instead?

Wow aren't people uptight about a bit of innocent role play. I'm surprised, but I guess it's good to know what some people find weird. I expect they've found some other game by now anyway.

Yes, clothes, you're right. I can't imagine not kissing my dc on the face, so I find it unbelievably sad that some don't have this level of intimacy with their dc, but yes, there are other ways of showing affection, so I'm sorry. :)

Wow. I kiss my DS all over his squishy little body, I don't know how anyone could look at a lovely little baby, all covered in fat rolls, and not want to plant kisses all over it. I tend to avoid the areas usually covered in pee, pee and sick, and I dont generally kiss him on his mouth (milk breath, eww). But his face is plastered in kisses all day. I may also nom on his cheeks quite regularly.

I don't get all the knickers in a twist, theyre kids. Kids play and take on different roles etc. I think adults just read way too much into what kids do in general.

Of course it's fine. But if you wanted to (mainly because of DHs concerns/comments) you could say that DS was too old to be BF, and that they could (both ?) pretend to feed the dolls ?
(Though I actually BF my two beyond the age of your DS)
I thought it was really sweet to see dd BFing her dolls - though she didn't try feeding ds - probably just because he was permanently attached to my boob at the time ! HTH

Wow, ok Clothes. Sounds like you are relaxed about intimacy so that is good . Literally just the face/ mouth thing for you. It IS unusual though, and most people like this do have issues elsewhere. I know a woman who was rarely hugged or cuddled as a child and has really had to fight hard to be affectionate with her own kids. She still has some issues - like when some boisterous little boys were playing at her house (not mine) and peed in her garden , close family friends. She was appalled but had the good sense to ask if this was 'normal' or just not normal for her.