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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD 'breastfeeding'

227 replies

BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 10:37

Ok DD is 5 and DS1 is 3. They are great pals and play really well together. They play lots of role play games including mummy and daddys were they are the parents to a baby doll. Recently it has become mummy and baby with DD as mummy and DS1 as her baby. As part of this game DD will lift her top and pretend to breast feed DS he will put his mouth on her nipple and pretend to feed.
I know its not a huge deal and it's perfectly innocent of course. I am breast feeding DS2 so to them it is just how babies are fed, and they both always did it playing with dolls. But I don't know if its appropriate
DH thinks it isn't and needs to be stopped. What do you guys think. Should I say something and if so what.

OP posts:
nobodyspecial · 28/02/2012 18:07

I don't understand this "it's a natural process" crap people are coming out with.

Yes. It's natural for a mother and baby. Not for a brother and sister. Would you all think it was natural if an older lactating sister breastfed her baby brother? I wouldn't. OP says her brother has his lips around her nipple which is a bit Hmm...I wouldn't allow it.

This is something that shouldn't be made a big issue out of, but I agree with your DH. It needs to be stopped.

littleducks · 28/02/2012 18:08

I wouldn't let my kids do it, but it would fall under a well established 'no licking people' rule for role play (think pretending to be cats getting out of hand) so would be easy to say not to.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 18:11

there is nothing sexual or shameful about either breastfeeding or older childrens mimicing of that

Did you miss my above post GavisconJunkie?

You can get lost with your amatuer psychology regarding my feelings on breast feeding.

I have not said anything here indicating I have 'issues' with breastfeeding.

Refer to my last part of the bolded above, I have no problem with children mimicing their mum BF.

I said to the OP that I wouldnt encourage it, at her DDs age [5] she should be really learning about personal boundaries and what should be touched by others and what shouldnt, so yes its an innocent 'game' but not necessarily appropriate.

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 18:58

Oh dear I breast fed all mine not against that just oh losing will to live I know what i mean !! just seems wrong bodies are our own I guess

startthefansplease · 28/02/2012 20:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

MamaMaiasaura · 28/02/2012 21:20

Like startthefans ideas

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 28/02/2012 21:23

Sounds rather creepy to me and inappropriate. I am with the OPs DH. A very odd game to be playing.

foreverondiet · 28/02/2012 21:24

I don't think its odd, it wouldn't bother me as long as not actually sucking. They are playing mummies and babies.

A tale of caution though - tell DS1 just to pretend not to bite or suck: When DD was a baby my DNeph and his (also 2 year old girl) friend bit each other on their nipples pretending to breastfeeding - that was a problem as they both ended up with teethmarks!

MrsHeffley · 28/02/2012 21:25

Errrr yuk!!!!!!

Sorry totally inappropriate and completely different to dolls,teddies and the like.

Really people would be happy for their dc to do this,really!!!!!!!!!

Pumpster · 28/02/2012 21:28

I would be uncomfortable with it tbh.

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 21:31

I don't get what's creepy about children playing at mummies and babies.

MrsHeffley · 28/02/2012 21:34

They've gone beyond playing mummies and babies and have overstepped boundaries which need to be gently reminded about.

My 3 play mummies and daddies but I wouldn't want them physically acting out everything dp and I do.

Sorry I think it's revolting to be frank,yuk,yuk,yuckety yuk and yes I did Bf my kids and no I haven't got ishooooos.

tralalala · 28/02/2012 21:41

OP the only people who are weird are those that find it odd. They have the problem. Theu are little kids ffs.

I actually think it's really sweet.

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 21:42

But mrsHeffley presumably your 3 don't see you and your dp doing 'everything'?

They aren't acting out anything sexual that two adults would do with each other, they are acting out something a mummy does with a baby. Any sexual interpretation is being placed on what they are doing by you. You're projecting adult sexual awareness onto children.

Unless of course your 3 do see everything you and your dp do and do see a mouth on a nipple as a sexual thing, in which case you have bigger issues tbh.

hellymelly · 28/02/2012 21:42

My dds play at breastfeeding dolls.They don't do it with each other as neither would agree to be the baby. I don't see how on earth this is anything at all worrying? "small children play at being a Mummy with a baby" hardly an earth shattering headline. Honestly op,don't worry about it,let them play.its making me think of the very funny bit in the film "together" where the children take it in turns to play at being Pinochet and torture victim (hippy comune) in that normal children mimic what they see around them in play.So generations of small children will have played at being a bf baby.

Greenshirt · 28/02/2012 21:44

I wonder what would happen if you were told that your daughter had been playing this breastfeeding game at school? Would you feel any differently?Or is it ok because it's her brother?

SardineQueen · 28/02/2012 21:45

Wouldn't bother me.
My children are 4 and 2 and if they did that I would think it was v sweet Smile
Don't know why people are talking about "sucking on nipples" children this age have flat nipples which OP has pointed out as well.

OP if I were you and worried about them doing it in situations where people might have a negative reaction - I would do the same as for other stuff. Our children know there is stuff which is fine to do with immediate family but not otherwise and having that as one of those things would be fine, they would understand that perfectly well I'm sure.

I honestly don't understand why there is such squeamishness about this on the thread.

Original poster
BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 21:46

Creepy...what do you mean by creepy amothersplaceisinthewrong? What an odd thing to say about children playing? Are you suggesting some sinister motive?

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 21:52

I think some posters seem to have lost sight of the fact we are talking about young children, my children. I don't think use of the words creepy and revolting is necessary. My children are neither of these things.

OP posts:
ReshapeWhileDamp · 28/02/2012 21:52

I honestly can't for the life of me understand why this is inappropriate behaviour at this age. There are some very odd - and under-explained - attitudes on this thread.

And OP, please don't worry if other adults happen to see this sort of role playing. Teachers will know that this is age-appropriate and very common, very innocent play. Anyone else who thinks it's dodgy needs to think hard about why they feel that way, I reckon.

I'm another one who thought 'aw, that's so sweet!' at the OP, tralala! Grin

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 21:55

blueFergie it says a lot about the posters saying those things and nothing about your children. I think it's more than a bit creepy that anyone would think that way about an innocent children's game tbh.

TheSecondComing · 28/02/2012 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 28/02/2012 22:00

We overly fetishize breasts in this culture. Weird. My DC think that breasts are for breastfeeding only (of course! what else have they seen me do with them?!) and I actually overheard DS (nearly 5) say to DD (nearly 2) in the bath with DH the other day:

'M! One day you'll have BOOBIES and you'll make MILK and then you can feed your BABIES!' He was really excited about it, actually Grin

So, no, I don't think there's anything weird about the game that they are playing! However, given that we live in a Page-3-Get-Your-Tits-Out-For-The-Lads culture, I think bluefergie that the unfortunate reality is that a lot of people (sigh) will find it weird....

4madboys · 28/02/2012 22:05

well ds2 and ds3 did a similar thing at a similar age, it didnt bother me, like posters have said their nipples are flat its not like they can even attempt to latch on or suck the nipple, its just a case of putting their mouth their and 'pretending' to feed. they have pretended to change nappies etc as well, they have two younger siblings and so they are just copying what they see me doing.

ds3 is 7 and often plays 'mummies and daddies' with his friends, they use dolls or toys or if 14mth old dd is co-operative they will use her as their baby and ds3 will sometimes be the mummy or sometimes he will be the daddy.

its role play and its how children learn, from a young age babies and toddlers imitate adults, its part of evolution and the learning process.

i dotn imagine there would be any issue at all if a poster had said her dd prended to feed her brother with a bottle, that would be fine!

4madboys · 28/02/2012 22:07

ds2 actually used to bfeed his toy diggers, he was really into his diggers, they were his babies, he used to try and put them to my breasts to feed as well! its them learning about caring and nurturing etc and part of that is feeding a baby, bottle or breast, they will imitate what they know and see, nothing wrong or harmful in it at all :)