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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD 'breastfeeding'

227 replies

BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 10:37

Ok DD is 5 and DS1 is 3. They are great pals and play really well together. They play lots of role play games including mummy and daddys were they are the parents to a baby doll. Recently it has become mummy and baby with DD as mummy and DS1 as her baby. As part of this game DD will lift her top and pretend to breast feed DS he will put his mouth on her nipple and pretend to feed.
I know its not a huge deal and it's perfectly innocent of course. I am breast feeding DS2 so to them it is just how babies are fed, and they both always did it playing with dolls. But I don't know if its appropriate
DH thinks it isn't and needs to be stopped. What do you guys think. Should I say something and if so what.

OP posts:

HandMini · 28/02/2012 22:07

Would all posters who think this is fine also think it fine if the two children in question were not related?

hellymelly · 28/02/2012 22:09

Yes I would.I honestly see no issue with this whatsoever.They are small children.playing.end of.

QueenofMacaroniCheese · 28/02/2012 22:11

BlueFergie I actually think it's really sweet. Your children sound lovely - and it also says quite a lot about what they think of you - that it's fun and nice pretending to be you and / or your baby. Your children won't even remember playing this and they'll move onto another game soon. I did just ask my DH what he would think and he raised his eyebrows and shrugged in a "What the hell can you do, bloody kids" kind of thing.

I think I might even feel a bit proud as obviously shown them how normal BF is.

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 22:13

I wouldn't be bothered if they were related or not related. It just wouldn't bother me because it's just two children playing mummies and babies. Why would that bother anyone?

grubbalo · 28/02/2012 22:13

Yep, my two similarly aged sons do this too. They are copying their mum. It's no big deal. 5 minutes later they were apparently destroying a load of their farm animals in a volcano. It's really really not a big deal.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 22:14

To all those that think its ok, at what age would the children be too old for it to be ok?

PestoPenguin · 28/02/2012 22:14

It's fine, it wouldn't worry me at all .

PestoPenguin · 28/02/2012 22:15

The age where they wouldn't want to play that sort of game any more Amber, or were capable of over-thinking it in the sort of way you are.

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 28/02/2012 22:15

Amberleaf maybe around 10? Before that, fine, IMO

Debs75 · 28/02/2012 22:16

I think it is quite sweet really.
OP it gives you a chance to talk about breastfeeding with your lo's and if you approach it properly,i.e. not hysterically going 'dirty, stop that' you can tell them that it is fun pretending to be like mummy. Basically don't make a huge deal out of it and it is most likely a phase, she might go on to nappy changing next or pushing him in a pram, who knows.

Yes sopme people will think it is a bit weird but they are only imitating you feeding ds2 and you are being a positive role model. It is too sad that breasts are now perceived as playthings not a food source for babies

grubbalo · 28/02/2012 22:16

I don't know Amber but a lot older than 5 and 3. When should different sex siblings stop sharing a bath? It's not really that clear cut, is it?

TupperwareTwat · 28/02/2012 22:18

Wouldn't it be funny to make a video of them playing their game to play back to them at their 21st birthday parties

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 22:18

10 really?

Portofino · 28/02/2012 22:19

It's is just so sad that we have learnt to see SEX where no sex is involved. I am a bit guilty .....I am in Belgium and it is common for men to hug and kiss (on the cheek) when greeting each other, the same as it is for male/females to do when you are friends/know each other well.

The odd thing, I would have no issue with gay men kissing/hugging....but for some reason straight men doing this just feels WRONG! Of course it is not them at fault, but my cultural upbringing. I think the same thing applies in this case. We have learnt to attribute attitudes to breasts that are wrong. Breasts=sex these days - hence all the stress over bf in public etc.

Debs75 · 28/02/2012 22:20

Handmini yes, if they are close friends, 2 strangers doing it on the swings is odd as there is no prior friendship.
Amberleaf once kids are at school a couple of years then they start to get more boundaries and actually want more personal space. They also have a better understanding and you can talk to them about what they are doing easier. Plus they more than likely don't want to pretend to be mummy bfing at 8,9,10

messymammy · 28/02/2012 22:21

Amber, I think its ok for as long as the children are comfortable. Kids won't be playing at mummys and daddys when they are older and it would be a problem.

4madboys · 28/02/2012 22:21

well my 9yr old still occasionally plays these games with his younger siblings and will bfeed a doll, i havent thought to tell him he shouldnt do so! they do generally use a doll, they used to pretend ds4 was their baby but he is almsot 4 and not keen on being a baby but if he still was then i wouldnt see a problem with ds2 and ds4 3 doing this.

QueenofMacaroniCheese · 28/02/2012 22:22

They are 5 and 3. I'm not sure we should hypothesise about imaginary older children playing the same game. You're just looking for someone to say at a certain age this becomes "wrong" so you feel vindicated in saying this game should be discouraged. All childish games are eventually given up as the child grows up. It doesn't make it "wrong" for the younger ones to play it.

It's fine - it's a childish role play which I am sure we all did in some guise or other and we all grew out. I just don't find it odd, strange, weird at all. I think it's normal, charming, sweet.

grubbalo · 28/02/2012 22:22

Oh FFS Amber, it depends on the children - Pesto put it better than anyone - I'm sure you remember starting to feel "different" at some point around 10ish when you'd have lumped your brother if he'd tried to go near your "breasts"

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 28/02/2012 22:22

Well, I only have an almost-5 and almost-2 year old, so have limited experience of 10 year olds.... but it's before puberty and when their natural embarrassment sets in, so that would probably be fine with me. It would depend on the child, though.

You're shocked, aren't you, Amber?

We're a shocking lot on MN....

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 22:23

I suppose it depends why you think it wouldn't be ok AmberLeaf? You and all the other posters who have a problem with it are being very evasive about saying what, specifically, is not ok about it...

skybluepearl · 28/02/2012 22:24

there is nothing sexual about it in any shape or form. let them play

Firawla · 28/02/2012 22:24

amber I'm with you, shocked people would think this is okay even for age 10!!!! no way. very inappropriate, some girls are wearing a bra at that age.
Would people also let 10 yr olds share baths with their siblings, that is too old.

hellymelly · 28/02/2012 22:24

No one here would bat an eyelid if they were playing at cooking,or even doctors.All the fuss is about a nipple.A five year old nipple.Blimey.How sad and twisted is that? For thousands of years small humans have learned about being big humans by watching and immitating.My dds had never seen a baby bottle fed until they were quite big, dd1 got a dolly with a bottle as a present and thought the bottle was perfume. Nipples and babies go together,therefore games of feeding a baby are likely to include nipples at some point. Last week a large bear was being breastfed in my house by a four year old-should I be worried that people will think I'm into beastiality?

ChocolateIsAFoodGroup · 28/02/2012 22:26

Amber, to shock you even more... You know there are countries where 7-9 year olds are still b/feeding, don't you? Entire countries!

Again, breasts are strangely over-sexualized in this culture. This is, however, not the fault of women who extended breast feed (go on, me - I've outed myself ) nor small children who play lovely games in imitation of the perfectly natural processes they see go on all around them....

You know, to give this a more balanced view, I think we need a male Page 3 reader on here, please!

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