DD 'breastfeeding'

[BlueFergie]

Ok DD is 5 and DS1 is 3. They are great pals and play really well together. They play lots of role play games including mummy and daddys were they are the parents to a baby doll. Recently it has become mummy and baby with DD as mummy and DS1 as her baby. As part of this game DD will lift her top and pretend to breast feed DS he will put his mouth on her nipple and pretend to feed.
I know its not a huge deal and it's perfectly innocent of course. I am breast feeding DS2 so to them it is just how babies are fed, and they both always did it playing with dolls. But I don't know if its appropriate
DH thinks it isn't and needs to be stopped. What do you guys think. Should I say something and if so what.

Fave- the DH reaction isn't wierd, it his gut reaction. Like i said, he just needs to reason it out.

My point was that his reaction doesn't mean that he has a problem with breastfeeding, as some are suggesting.

It is in our culture to see breasts as sexual and physicall contact as sexual, also. In other cultures men are more hands on with each other,even in holding hands when walking.

By understanding where our reactions are coming from we can then remove them. It can take work to undo the attitudes/imput that we have internalised whilst growing up.

bluefergie I understand what you're saying, I think my DH would also feel uncomfortable seeing our DD do this. It is cringing to me too! When I had my boys DD would walk around with her baby doll and pretend to bf it. I was abit at it but not wanting to project my stupid reaction onto her I just laughed and carried on with what I was doing. She did it for about two days and stopped.
Maybe try distract them when they do this and not pay any particular attention to it if youre uncomfortable. I understand there's nothing wrong with it but still would make me abit

Or, if DH's concern is the play in public aspect, just say to the DCs (quite rightly), that we don't take our clothes off in public unless we actually are feeding a baby (and look, see, Mummy desn't even really take her clothes off, she just pops the baby there). I wouldn't make it to do with the pretend breastfeeding, just about not stripping off in public, which I think is a fair enough lesson to learn at 5 and 3!

I think playing with a doll is fine, acting it out with another child, not fine.

I'm with your dh, just wouldn't be happy/comfy with this. Bf is natural but only for an actual mum & baby not pretending like this. It's better to distract them away from it imo and teach them about privacy, personal space etc - if it was my dc I would not let them do it, although fine with playing with dolls etc its more the physical contact thing it just doesnt seem right. 5 & 3 are old enough to understand not to do this if you tell them

mentioned this in passing to Mum and she said OMG you share a bathroom what age should we stop this ??

not actually the toilet thing though !!

I don't know if this is helpful, but my girls have been totally boob obsessed recently (and I haven't even had the baby yet...) and I have had to say to them that they don't have breasts yet, but they will one day, so nipples are private. Just for real babies, not for each other to mess around with. They have queried why daddy's nipples aren't private and I've said because he can't grow breasts (I'm sure he could grow an impressive set of moobs were he so inclined, but that's by the by). They have accepted that even though I can hear how illogical it is. I mean, they don't have breasts!! But, I didn't want them to feel embarrassed by another adults comments, so that was my motivation for getting them to stop thrusting their chests in each others faces. They have compromised with now only feeding cuddly toy elephants and they poke the trunks down their tops. I'll take it as an improvement socially....

I agree that this is entirely innocent role play. BUT, I also agree with OP's DH that other people may be concerned that there might be inappropriate sexual connotations here. Also there is possibility for future embarrassment for the children when they look back on this with adult eyes. I don't think I would have wanted to have done this with my brother in all innocence and I would be grateful to my mum if she'd encouraged us to feed dolls instead.

We may be uptight about breasts as a society but this is the society we have to live in.

Dsis and I used to do this. We are both fairly normal adults. I think your DH is being unreasonable.

As thisisyesterday said, you can tell other people should a question arise.

LOL at todleramamas DDs with the elephant's trunk - very subtle!

I honestly don't think this is a problem - it's common.

Incidentally, I remember doing this with my sister at the same age. I was vaguely aware that there was something special about breasts that I didn't understand and wouldn't have done it in public. I also don't feel embarrassed about it when I look back with adult eyes.

I think its fine. No big deal, and great that they see breastfeeding as something so natural.
It says more about someone who finds something sexual in a small child's game imo

It says more about someone who finds something sexual in a small child's game imo

Finding this inappropriate does not = finding 'something sexual' in a small childs game.

Agree Amber, messymammy do not out word in peoples mouth-you do have to think if have friends over I am sure they would be uncomfortable

I still don't get why it's inappropriate.

Im with your DH. Id be trying to discourage it tbh. I get what you say about not wanting to make DD think its shameful, so if it were me Id just steer her towards bfing her dolls / teddies and steer DS to doing the same.

They're playing, pretending,copying what they see. Nothing to worry about at all.
My dd used to "breastfeed" her teddies/dollies.

I agree with RachelW ideas on breasts/breastfeeding so conflicted and fucked up in this country.

FFS to the people who think it's weird or unnatural! Is it weird for a 5 year old to 'pretend' to feed her 3 yeR old brother with a bottle? Not ff v bf, but a genuine question.

It's fine, they copy, that's it. Don't try to stop it. Just tell your husband to chill out.

Amberleaf why else is it 'inappropriate' then ?!

OP - seriously do not worry. Perfectly normal for them to copy mummy when playing mum and baby games.

Amber - find your posts rather odd tbh

I think Amber has BF issues full stop.

God I am even more confused about what to do now. Our biggest concern was that they would do it in front of other adults (grandparents, aunts or uncles or friends) and that they would have a negative reaction such as some on this thread and say something which would upset them. Or they would do it with other kids and upset their parents.
Judging by reactions on here it seems likely that this will happen if others see them do it so am wondering would it be better for me to steer them away myself rather than risking some other adult telling them it's wrong. Can see mil for example saying its disgusting.

Blue from the off with in-laws, lay your boundry on what you're willing to tolerate them saying to your children.

My Mil/Mother wouldn't get a second chance to call my child on something so innocent. And i think your DH should back you to the hilt there.

I agree with the posters who've said 'dolls/teddies, fine - no need for the children to practice on each other'. I can see where the OP's DH is coming from and to be honest, he is one half of the parents. OP isn't dismissing his thoughts/concerns so what the hell gives some posters here the right to call him names and suggest that he's weird?

As for the 'diagnosers of BF issues'... pfft. You know nothing about how another person feels.

Amberleaf and Imnotmymum, I'm not the first to mention that reaction. If your problem isn't that you see this as a sexual issue how is this a problem for you?