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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD 'breastfeeding'

227 replies

BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 10:37

Ok DD is 5 and DS1 is 3. They are great pals and play really well together. They play lots of role play games including mummy and daddys were they are the parents to a baby doll. Recently it has become mummy and baby with DD as mummy and DS1 as her baby. As part of this game DD will lift her top and pretend to breast feed DS he will put his mouth on her nipple and pretend to feed.
I know its not a huge deal and it's perfectly innocent of course. I am breast feeding DS2 so to them it is just how babies are fed, and they both always did it playing with dolls. But I don't know if its appropriate
DH thinks it isn't and needs to be stopped. What do you guys think. Should I say something and if so what.

OP posts:

Lulumama · 28/02/2012 11:00

nope, but i am trying to make the point that it's not that weird or odd to pretend to breastfeed...whether it's a doll or another child

DD pretended she had had twins by a Prince.

the whole thing makes me a bit meh
it's not an issue unless adults make it so

Birdsgottafly · 28/02/2012 11:00

This wouldn't be flagged up.

It would be a different matter if you were instigating this or encouraging him to try to suckle.

They will more than likely move on to a different game. I wouldn't argue with DH over it, just distract them from doing this when he is around.

Most of us have these, now embarassing stories of playing various forms of mummy and daddy/baby games with siblings/friends.

AmberLeaf · 28/02/2012 11:01

Yes Rachel they are copying their mums breastfeeding. there is nothing sexual or shameful about either breastfeeding or older childrens mimicing of that.

But I personally wouldnt encourage it, not the actual physical contact part at least.

Birdsgottafly · 28/02/2012 11:03

I don't think that the DH has a problem with breastfeeding, more that his daughter is having her brother put his mouth across a part of her that will one day be a source of sexual arousal.

That isn't right or wrong, he just needs to talk about it and reason it out.

vanimal · 28/02/2012 11:03

Lulumama that's so cute - my DD aged 4 does exactly the same thing, telling me how hard it is being a mummy. Her and DD2 aged 2 also play at mummies and babies - it would not bother me in the slightest if they play-acted breast feeding.

It's not sinister or wrong, they are just copy mum and new baby.

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2012 11:07

It's natural to copy and this is perfectly innocent children playing role games

So why has it made me cringe? I don't know but it has

I suppose it's because putting his mouth around her nipple is such a personal thing...just as children might see their parents kissing with tongues but you wouldn't encourage a child to do the same thing.

Again, I don't think there's anything wrong with the role play game but I have to admit I'm still cringing at the thought

Original poster

BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 11:07

Yes birds I think that's it with DH and the fear that other people will see it as inappropriate. I am sure there are parents who would have big issues if DD tried to do it with their kids.
In defence of DH he is very pro bf. evangelical almost. Much more so than me.

OP posts:

IAmBooyhoo · 28/02/2012 11:09

wouldn't bother me at all.

it is role play. copying what mum does. (dont most children do this when they play cooking or shopping or driving etc?)

breastfeeding is not a sexual act. these children are not re-enacting a sexual act they have been exposed to. they are re-enacting how to feed a baby. that can be explained to anyone who raises a concern with OP if they see dd and ds doing it.

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 11:09

Got to agree Amber it the actual physical contact that sort of grosses me out we are an open family and not hide bodies etc but contact seems mm don't know what word is

Lulumama · 28/02/2012 11:16

the reason for feeling ick about it is, IMO, because we as adults have used our breasts in a sexual way and had them touched in a sexual way and therefore find it hard to remember that at 3/4/5/6 years old and more, the nipple and skin around it is not sexual, it is simply another body part that will one day become a sexual characteristic but also a giver of milk ...

it is not currently anything sexual.

no more ick than licking a finger. i'd be more grossed out by my children say, licking each other's feet or toes, as I think feet are utterly minging !

Faverolles · 28/02/2012 11:16

I don't think that the DH has a problem with breastfeeding, more that his daughter is having her brother put his mouth across a part of her that will one day be a source of sexual arousal.

This country is so fucked up with its attitudes to breasts and breastfeeding.
The primary function of breasts is to breastfeed.

OP, does your dh think that you BFing your baby is sexual?
Your dc are pretending, copying what you do with their baby sibling. This is normal. Viewing it as something potentially sexual is, frankly, weird and disturbing.

Lulumama · 28/02/2012 11:17

my children would not see my kissing DH in that sort of way, worral, as that is a more sexual act and our children don't need to see that

it's not equatable to breastfeeding, which is not sexual and when the breasts are being exposed/used for feeding, it's not sexual either

Faverolles · 28/02/2012 11:18

First paragraph was a quote btw.

Original poster

BlueFergie · 28/02/2012 11:21

Well I don't think my DH is weird or disturbed. His reaction may be illogical but it doesn't make him some sort of pervert. We are all products of the society we are brought up in.
One of his bigger concerns is that she may get a negative reaction from other adults if she did it in public with DS or another child. Which would be upsetting to her. This is a reasonable concern.

OP posts:

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 11:24

Yes it is and I agree not wierd I would have same reaction and DH def would even though as I say we are a tactile family and share bathroom etc but it the contact thing soory if I am weird

MerryMarigold · 28/02/2012 11:25

I think 'to the pure, all things are pure'. There's nothing weird about it to them, so seems a shame to make them feel weird about it and overly 'aware'. I have just got to the point with ds1 (6) where I've had to tell him his willy is private as he's always been a bit of a 'stripper' (going naked on holiday etc), dancing round changing rooms naked because he's not really aware he's naked etc.

legallyblond · 28/02/2012 11:25

Don't see the issue here at all! There is nothing remotely wrong or weird about OP's DCs doing this! Plus, I suspect it'll only last a month or two.

And seriously, anyone who thinks that this game being mentioned at school would somehow "flag" sexual abuse to the teacher has never worked in a primary school!!!! FGS. DH's primary school class went through a phase of pretending to snog eachother in the playground (year 2). Those particulaly aggressively "kiss chasing" were told not to do it if the other child found it upsetting. No-one (esp not the two f/t social services liason officers) thought any children were being sexually abused, and they were mimicing a "sexual" act. Seriously - teachers do not spend their day looknig out for sexual abuse in primary school children who will role play EVERYTHING they see around them and on TV!

I suspect your DH just had an involuntary reaction to the physical contact - if you have bf'ed all of your DCs, I doubt for a minute he think bf is somehow weird or sexual etc etc. Children are physical in their play, becasue for healthy children, nothing about their body is remotely sexual! So you are right OP to not make a big deal of it - for your DCs, it is no different to pretending to give eachother a bottle.

Faverolles · 28/02/2012 11:29

I think in the unlikely event that they play this in public, it is easily explained, and still not a problem.
Children learn by mimicking. This is all they are doing.

Sorry, didn't mean to be so harsh in the post before, but there is nothing sexual in two dc playing breastfeeding as they're just copying their mum :)

RhinestoneCowgirl · 28/02/2012 11:30

I have a 5yr old DS and a 3 yr old DD. DD is still breastfeeding herself, and sometimes she plays the bf game with her older brother. There is usually a lot of giggling and she has informed me that her nipples 'don't work', and that when she's older she might have a baby and give it milk.

They are just copying what they see and have experienced.

cluelessnchaos · 28/02/2012 11:30

My only concern about it would be your dc in the future looking back and cringing. In your position I would talk to dd separately and tell her dolls are no problem but the only real life people who should feed from her are her own babies

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 11:31

I don't think your DH is a weird pervert at all, I think we live in a culture that sexualises breasts and given some of the responses on this thread his concerns about other people's reactions are probably justified. However, if adults ascribe a sexual motive to children's non sexual behaviour that is about them and their attitudes not about the child. Is it likely that they would play this game in public really? I suspect that left to it they will move on to something else and it would be a shame if intervening in the game left them feeling that there is something dirty or shameful about breastfeeding or their bodies.

Hullygully · 28/02/2012 11:32

They are raving preverts and social services will come round any minute

legallyblond · 28/02/2012 11:35

Ha, Hully! You know, I think some people actually do think like that...!

RachelWalsh · 28/02/2012 11:35

Perhaps you could just let them know if they are going to play this in public they need to be 'discreet'?

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 28/02/2012 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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