to feel irritated when women say they go back to work when their dc are little to set them good example

[boinging]

I keep hearing it on the news. Are people trying to imply i am a bad role model because i stay at home to look after my dc?

different strokes for different folks, isn't it?

there's no right or wrong when it comes to sahm/wohm.

don't let it bother you, you made the decision that was right for you & your family.

Are you so insecure in your parenting views that you consider any difference in opinion as a personal insult?

Yes they believe that going to work was the best option for their children, you clearly don't so didn't.

Unless you feel they should feel irritated at people saying they stay at home because they feel it is best for their children?

There are good things about doing both. I guess whatever you do you need to do it as well as you can.

Hmmm, I work FT and I guess I think of myself as a good, strong, feminist role model for my daughter.

You are doing a wonderful, valuable thing by being a SAHM and (possibly?) turning your back on a career to devote yourself to being at home with them....so, ya know...horses for courses.

But overall, surely we are all only good role models - whether we work or not - if we are good people with good values and setting the right example for our kids?

i think I set a good example to my 2 dds by working as a professional

I dont know, and wouldn't assume what kind of example you are setting your kids

I don't think so boing. I think it's lovely to stay at home with your kids and that is a valid job.

But I think that it's only been relatively recent that large numbers of women work outside the home and people can be very critical about it, so working women also spend a lot of time justifying why they do it. (I have a small child and work full-time by the way.)

I do hope my son will realise the importance of hard work and seeing me tackle a high profile job (that previously has only been done by older men) and be a loving mum will be the good role model bit for him. But I'd think I was a good role model if I was home teaching him about the world myself all day too.

I don't think it's worth getting irritated over. It isn't a criticism of your choice at all.

I agree that there are good things about doing both, but I'm always a bit skeptical when I hear this reason trotted out. For a six month old baby, the only message they will get is that their mummy isn't there and another person is looking after them. They don't even register that their mother is in the workplace, they could be out at the pub or getting their nails done for all they know.

So while I can certainly see a lot of good advantages to being a WOHM, like more money coming in and the mother getting job satisfaction, I don't think this particular reasoning makes sense to me.

Interesting. I must admit I can't help suspecting that if SAHMs were going around saying we stayed at home looking after our kids in order to set them a good example, a lot of WOHMs would have a problem with that.

YABU

How about feeling irritated that women feel the need to justify their choosing to return to work or not?

How about feeling irritated that we have been conditioned to think that anyone saying anything positive about their parenting choices must be therefore putting down your choices?

Everyone wants to tell themselves they are brilliant, innit. All up their own arses and no one wants to admit they aren't perfect or make mistakes. Personally I want a job so I have enough sodding money, I don't think myself alone can be a good role model, just an early teacher and guide for my children and I'd rather they picked role models outside the home/immediate family- although then I don't think anyone is so amazing that they should be copied entirely.

But the word "good" in that phrase is a criticism, whether intentional or not. It's a value judgement.

It's like Blur vs Oasis - there's no real reason to think that the two groups should fight.

I think it would depend on if the alternative were to be not working and receiving benefits.

I doubt it applies to women who go out to work because they have the choice to do so and already have a partner who is working.

Ach who cares.

Exactly Tunip, I would never openly criticise anyone for choosing to go back to work, but find myself frequently having to explain to people why i am not back at work yet. I don't ask them why they have gone back to work.

Also what is this wank being trotted out now all the time that if someone feels that people are being judgemental by making sweeping statements about a 'parenting choice' that they must be insecure? Feeling that generalisations are unhelpful is not an indication of insecurity, though tbh there is probably something mentally wrong with anyone who isn't insecure seeing as how our entire culture is geared towards making women insecure about everything. FFS.

LOL @ Blur v Oasis.

Also so many people are on both sides at different times. I WOHMed for a few years and SAHM now. But I still get chippy sometimes about certain comments, and did when I was working too.

That didn't take long!

Wibbly is talking bucketloads of sense

Trouble is that (possibly, sometimes), a WOHM saying that doesn't actually mean it. Caveat - I'm sure loads of women do go back to work to set a good example. BUT, as mothers, it seems to be expected of us that everything we do HAS to be for the good of our children, and our children alone.

So if I said that I went back to work to earn money for a better standard of living... or because I wanted to spend time with adults... or because my career would be down the toilet in five years' time if I didn't - all those things would be SELFISHNESS, the worst crime of motherhood. Better think of something instead that means I did it for the little children.

Trouble is, that once you say that you did it because it was best for the children, it gets you off the hook on the selfishness thing, but opens up a whole new can of worms as it's an implied criticism of someone who did it the other way.

We can't bloody well win.

You are on my wavelength Wibbly.

YABU. It's just as irritating to get the 'Oh so you work!' raised eyebrow and slight sneer that I have received many times over the last 9 years. Can we just not judge each other?

who has said this? I went back to work to pay the fucking mortgage!!!! not to set an example, I am FT WM this annoys me too!

My sil has said similar. She was actually saying that single mums should work and if they dont they are setting a bad example. I pointed out that some single mums might not be able to afford the childcare on their wages and so what example are they seting if they have to work from dawn til after their kids go to be to cover the childcare costs . . . their kids wont even know who they are so how is that setting a good example.

She then went on about how theres loads of jobs out there bla bla bla

I thought about pointing out that a lot of other parents dont get the free childcare she does but thought id just let her get back to reading her daily mail.

BED!