to think most men want a skinny woman

[theuglymate]

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

Do any of you think that the OP will feel better if she thinks that it is her personality at "fault" rather than her body

Not that i think that, most men are not put off a shag on account of a womans body size.

Go out regulary on a weekend night and you will soon realise that men are not choosy.

Personally though, in terms of men for a steady relationship, i think it is confidence and conversation, that makes the difference. I am struggling with my weight for the first time in my life and strickly speaking, i am obese, but i am still getting offers, by decent men (i am in a relationship, though).

The OP, as anyone is, is better off asking a friend or family member that they can trust, because there is no "generally speaking", to why a woman has a group of men flock around her.

The OP hasn't said how long she wants a man for or what for, to be able to answer her.

BLX-i am being told that my weight isn't affecting my health, so once again, it is individual.

Oh yadda, yadda, yadda there always have been ignorant fools on MN who hate fat or even slightly over weight and they will either attack over it or get all self righteous. Don't give them any time they don't deserve it and you won't change their opinion.

Re the OP - I often found that the woman who attracted the most male attention was usually the one who the men thought was the easiest.

Again I haven't seen any attacks or self righteousness on this particular thread, and it would be nice if it stayed that way jaqueline

I think with regards to attracting male attention and being the 'easiest' in their eyes, that would totally depend on the particular crowd of males to be honest.

If it were say a pissed up crowd of males in a nightclub, then perhaps the 'easiest' (whatever that can be viewed as) looking woman might be the most 'popular' one.

But if it were say in a work setting or another social setting that doesn't involve alcohol and 'men on the pull'...the woman who attracted the most attention might be the furthest from 'easy looking' and perhaps the most intelligent/funny/confident etc...

I really don't think attracting people is down to looks alone...some people just have a 'charisma' about them that can't be put into words.

Worra I am confused as to why you have singled Jaquline out. What she has said is perfectly fair summary. She made a generalisation on the whole of mn.

And i hate to admit it but she is probably right about the men too.

It's ok Bitchy don't worry about it Worra just appears to be on a mission tonight to be right about everything and will argue the toss with anyone.

some men like skinny girls the same way some women like body builders. it is personal preference so in that respect YABU

im a size 18 and i have NEVER had a problem getting attention from men. i met DH when i was a size 14. i found i got less attention when i had dark hair which, again is personal preference.

you say you always feel like the "fat, ugly mate"...maybe the way you hold yourself shows how self conscious you are. it puts men off if they think you may be self deprecating /moaning about how fat you are etc. a size 14 IS NOT FAT...confidence is the key IMO make the most of the curves you have and hold your head high...its the sexiest thing to men.

(sorry if this has already been covered, i have yet to finish reading the entire thread)

I have a friend who I thought was stunning a few years back when we met. She was a UK 14 and a stunner with great boobs and bubble butt... total wow factor. Since then she has become vegan and is now a US size 0!! The only bit of her that stayed the same is her bust which is somehow still a D cup. She looks like a hat stand with tits now, and I have noticed she had less attention last time we went out dancing. Her legs make me gasp inwardly everytime I see her because I could get one hand around her thigh. She likes the new look as she thinks she is like a Victoria secret girl now :-(

I think most men like a healthy looking woman who looks confident in her own skin.

I think I said up thread I am 5 7. I Also said I know I'm not obese but I am bigger than I was before kids.

I am not looking for a man at all. I have been on my own for a long time, incidentally someone implied that this made me selfish yesterday! when I go out, which is rarely, I just want to have a laugh with my friends. i think I may be slightly irritated with my friend, she spent a lot of time on our weekend away texting a bloke she has Just started seeing.

my friend also spends a lot of time asking how big she looks in various outfits and it makes me slightly paranoid. if she's worried then I should be too.

At 5 7 and size 14 I would definitely not say you were fat. But it is how you feel. What's your bmi etc? Do you keep active?
I personally hated, hated, hated being overweight and my personal ideal is size 12/14 but everyone is different. I have seem some beautiful bigger women but for me, I find a 'beyonce' or 'J-Lo' figure the ideal. I find most catwalk models today too thin, although I think someone like Kate moss suits her figure.

For me, being too big is unhealthy, being too thin is unhealthy. I don't personally find 'big' men attractive but I dont mind stocky men who are muscley!

I think most men prefer a women to be slim with curves but really, wr would have to ask them! Most men I know like an average weight although some like very thin and some very big too.

sounds like your friend WANTS you to be "the ugly mate".

But you don't have to accept that role.

Some women only flourish by putting other women subtly down...

ehhh Gillian McKeith......

Nigella?

OP size 10 is not skinny and size 14 is not fat.

Your friend sounds irritating. But then self-aborbed compliment-fishers are not very unattractive whatever their dress size.

Dump her and stop obsessing about your size.

what????

"self-absorbed compliment fishers"??? how the bleeding hell did you come out with that gem of wisdom based on anything the op has said about her friend.

sometimes i think i'm reading a different form of english given the enormous leap from actual text to fictional misrepresentations and understandings on MN.

why on earth should you dump a mate on the basis that you are a couple of dress sizes bigger, and are, completely needlessly, insecure about it?

what kind of logic is that?????

Too bad people get so bitchy about this. Aren't we more than the sum of our sexual attractiveness? :(

I agree that availability trumps everything else.
What counts second (imho) is how you carry whatever weight, having ample curves in the right places.
Personality counts next, and then details like nice eyes, or disfiguring features, hair condition, skin tone, etc.
Men like soft flesh to hold onto, though, it's what makes women attractive. Most men I've known strongly prefer a bit extra rather than too little to hold onto.

Most of the men I know prefer medium/slim not skinny.

Personally I think men are more likely to be attracted to happy confident women regardless of their size, surely an average size woman they can have a craic with is better than a miserable size zero.
Not all men are attracted to the same type just as we ladies have different preferences

Or even a skinny woman they can have a craic with rather than a miserable size 18.

I thought the point was we shouldn't generalise about people's personalities based on the amount of flesh they have or haven't got.

Dunno - I was a size 6-8 and was invisible. Now a size 10 (I'm short, note) and still invisible. But I was never a man magnet inspite of my sizes as never been man orientated ever.

Just don't give off vibes. Perhaps your friend does.

Be happy with yourself.

Why does size zero = picking at food/eating disorder/miserable/joyless.

A couple of people have said this now. Not acceptable anymore than making 'anti-fat' remarks. Why are skinny women somehow deemed to be less insecure or not allowed to have their own insecurities. Is this a privilege of the fat'. (sorry don't know how to phrase that in a more pc fashion).

As arielnonbio just says, we shouldn't generalise about people based on their dress size (which is different to how 'fat' they are which again which has been pointed out many times on this thread).

The vibe I get from this thread isn't that men prefer skinny women.

No the issue I see is that skinny women are somehow the enemy/a threat/ nasty/ deliberately make bigger friends feel shit about themselves/ dress size equates to how fat you are/ dress size equates directly to self worth.

And those are the real issues you should be looking at and considering, rather than blaming men's perceived preferences.

Why is everyone comparing themselves to the person sat next to them, rather than looking in the mirror and considering how they can make the most of all the wonderful qualities / features you yourself have?

Is your mate really happy? Does she only feel good about herself if she has a man chasing after her. Is she only defined by that attention? If you aren't really bothered about having a relationship because you are happy with your own company, why are you looking at her and how she is needy, when you aren't?

Cherry. Is agree with you. Some assumptions being made about the friend, and insults towards slim women. Is is beyond imaginings that people who are size 10 can have body-image problems as well and are not trying to put down their friends?

Women should not be stereotyping and making assumptions about each other - we have ridiculous media portrayals, unrealistic aspirations, and airbrushed pictures to make us feel bad.....

Cherry I hate it as much as fat jibes and im fat by definition of many people o this thread. I hate people being called 'skinny' as thats normally reserved only for insult as is 'fat'. Its just totally uneccesary on all sides. The gossip mags slating people for being too big then on the next page too slim. People who say men prefer someone with curves or men prefer someone who is 'skinny'
Its just all bullshit and i'd say the people who make womens size such an issue is women themselves. own worst enemy and all that. Like ive said upthread where are all the constant threads on forums about men being too fat, celebrity magazines promoting the diets famous men have been on or gossip mags ridiculing men who've gained weight. It needs to stop.

I have- larger friends who are gorgeous and lovely. Larger friends who are not so gorgeous and miserable. Think friends who are gorgeous and lovely. Thin friends who are not so gorgeous and miserable...see what im trying to say- trying to pigeonhole larger ladies as more attractive or slim ladies as more attractive and vice versa is pointless.

Can I just say that my friend is a lovely person. She has only just recently become single after a long relationship, I have never known her as a single person and I guess I am surprised. She wasn't throwing herself at men when we were out at all, but it has been a revelation that she wants to be part of a couple again so soon. Horses for courses I suppose.

Hear hear!

Or is it here here ( never know)