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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think most men want a skinny woman

314 replies

theuglymate · 26/02/2012 15:32

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:31

Well anyone who is 5ft 2 and a size 14 might well be fat, but only they would know whether they are or they aren't.

I don't see the cunt connection though?

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:33

And for the record I dont CARE.
I dont WANT to go on a diet, I dont WANT to get down to a size 10 as people think its 'right' for my height, I dont WANT attention or approval I just wish for the love of cheese people would stop banging on about whats fat/thin/skinny and what this self imposed 'ideal' is. Its just shallow and one of the only remaining acceptable prejudices and I will challenge it whenever I can.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:35

Good for you Eau

However, there are people who want to keep their body a healthy size or to be slim/trim etc...

And if that's what they want then I don't see why they shouldn't 'bang on' about it on a chat forum? Confused

We 'bang on' about many subjects that we wish to discuss.

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:39

Thats good for them Worra but what right do they have to make other people feel bad by labelling them 'fat' and saying their size is too big for their height etc etc? I couldnt give a flying fuck about people who are imho 'too thin' but time and time again on here I see threads about people who 'are probably fat at that height' and similar unkind comments. 'fat' is only ever used as a put down, its not an objective term like overweight or obese for instance and it reeks of childhood name calling and sneering.

Proudnscary · 26/02/2012 23:44

You sound like you care very much actually, Eau. But, look, i get your point.

Women are too obsessed with weight.

But the thing is it does matter in terms of health and, let's be brutally honest, in terms of self worth. No most of us don't want to be super slim, definitely not skinny - but we do feel better physically and psychologically when we are at a healthy weight!

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:47

If you think I do thats your choice! As I said earlier I have been both ends of the scale- im far more confident in myself and less paranoid now but the constant obsession with other womens weight just bores and annoys me in equal measure tbh.

WorraLiberty · 26/02/2012 23:50

Thats good for them Worra but what right do they have to make other people feel bad by labelling them 'fat' and saying their size is too big for their height etc etc?

I think you have to put it in context (on this particular thread)

Many, many people were telling the OP that she was not fat because she's a size 14.

The point is that's wrong, because they said it without having any idea at all of her height or her frame.

Size 14 most definitely is fat for some people and for others it's most definitely not.

I'm not sure why a simple fact like that has made you so angry?

EauDeLaPoisson · 26/02/2012 23:54

Because its not really for anyone to judge someone as fat/ugly whatever really is it? As I said earlier 'fat' is merely an insulting term used to put people down- its like me deciding if someone has a birthmark or acne they are ugly, its downright insulting.

winnybella · 27/02/2012 00:00

Well, fat is fat. Not sure if it's really an insulting word tbh.

Ugly/not ugly is subjective in a way that fat/not fat isn't imo.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2012 00:00

Why are you bringing 'ugly' into this now just as you brought the word 'cunt' into it? Confused

It's not a judgement...it's a fact.

Size 14 is merely a dress size.

Some people will be fat at size 14 and some people will be slim at size 14.

'Fat' may be an insult to you, but it's not to everyone.

I suppose 'overweight' would be another word but some people are more forthright and plenty of people here have called themselves fat rather than overweight.

Proudnscary · 27/02/2012 00:02

But we're talking about weight, Eau, not something something subjective such as 'ugliness' (your example, not mine)...

Or are you talking about language/terminology? If you object to the word 'fat' I understand that. But up thread you were talking about the issue of weight in a wider context..?

southeastastra · 27/02/2012 00:05

i think we sometimes forget that one day we will all be old and looks will mean so little

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/02/2012 00:06

The definition of fat is as seen in the dictionary :A natural oily or greasy substance occurring in animal bodies, esp. when deposited as a layer under the skin or around certain organs.

It is not in anyway a description of a person is it? Its only evolved as that from people using it as an insult and people continuing to do so without being challenged.

Anyway im off to bed, its depressing how fattist MN has become of late, I wish people would find a different obsession to slating others for the fact they happen to be a different size/build to them.

Proudnscary · 27/02/2012 00:06

But health will mean so much...

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2012 00:07

Very true southeast

But actually now you've said that...with regards to weight I don't know of anyone in their 80's who are overweight Sad

Maybe that's another reason people try to keep their weight down...and not just because of Cheryl Cole and various fashion magazines.

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/02/2012 00:08

Ahh the old 'but fat is unhealthy' chestnut... im sure I will outlive my fried food munching chain smoking husband somehow...........

winnybella · 27/02/2012 00:08

That's as a noun, Eau

As an adjective:(of a person or animal) having a large amount of excess flesh.

winnybella · 27/02/2012 00:09

Didn't mean to put Sad there Confused

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/02/2012 00:09

Worra- ive worked in many nursing homes and residents have been overweight,some significantly so.

Proudnscary · 27/02/2012 00:11

Ok well now you have made it clear that you have strong, angry feelings, Eau, to pick out that particular definition of fat and to eschew the common understanding and connotations of the word fat when applied to a person.

I truly don't feel anyone has meant to cause you offence, Eau. Good night.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2012 00:14

Anyway im off to bed, its depressing how fattist MN has become of late, I wish people would find a different obsession to slating others for the fact they happen to be a different size/build to them

Well I can only suggest you read back in the morning because no-one has slated anyone for being fat.

People are fat and some people aren't fat..that's a fact of life.

You can refer to the dictionary if you want, but I'm sure you know it's irrelevant in the context of this thread.

I'm glad you're happy and confident with your own weight/body...that's something I wish everyone was.

But having said that, your anger confuses me. I just don't understand why you're coming across like that on this particular topic Confused

ItsTimeToBurnThisDiscoDown · 27/02/2012 00:15

I put weight on after meeting my DH (went from size 8 to currently a post natal 16), stressed about it for ages until he offhandedly dropped it into the conversation he though I was too thin when we met and he prefers me now! I was happiest in my skin at 8 but got the most male attention at size 12ish (until then I just put weight on my boobs and hips, it goes on my belly if I get bigger).

I think though different men like different things, neither me nor my sister have had problems attracting men although we are completely different shapes - she is size 6 with an athletic build and I am usually a size 14 hourglass.

Do you think maybe because you're conscious that your friend attracts more men you're noticing it more and sort of projecting it a bit? I know if I'm feeling shitty it turns into a self fulfilling prophecy.

Blx2thelotofem · 27/02/2012 00:15

I have to disagree that a size 14 is not fat. I have been a size 14 for a few years now and used to be quite happy with my size. However, I suffer from intestinal problems and have been told time and time again by different doctors that my weight is not helping matters.

EauDeLaPoisson · 27/02/2012 00:16

It 'angers' me if thats what you say im feeling that other people's weight is an issue. Constantly. Mentioned practically every week if not more on here lately. I just dont get the scathing and sneering and judgement that goes on about this one topic really, it doesn't affect anyone else in any way shape or form and people just vastly overthink it.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2012 00:19

Fair enough but there has been no 'scathing' and 'sneering' on this thread.

And the only language used like 'cunt' and 'ugly' was by yourself Confused