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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think most men want a skinny woman

314 replies

theuglymate · 26/02/2012 15:32

I go out with my friend occasionally and I can't think of a time when she doesn't have a crowd of men around her. We are similar age, height, I am no oil painting but not completely hideous either. The main difference is that she is a size 10 and I am a size 14. I always feel like that fat ugly mate and it is soul destroying.

OP posts:
ArielNonBio · 27/02/2012 17:34

It's hear hear Grin

OriginalJamie · 27/02/2012 17:37

thankyou

hattieboo2012 · 27/02/2012 18:08

Size 14 is perrrrfect! Men love curves! I used to think the same as you til I found my boyfriend. He loves me, my rolls of fat n all!

ArielNonBio · 27/02/2012 18:31

Hattie have you not read the thread? Your boyfriend likes curves - that's nice and good and positive. However, translating that to "men like curves" is just as silly and annoying as saying "men like thin women."

cherrytopping · 27/02/2012 18:39

Hmmm.... so if you are smaller size you don't have curves?

Can we invent body shape bingo please, with all the dumb cliches listed on this thread? Turn it into a MN campaign or something.

RunnyGrobbles · 27/02/2012 18:46

Yabu, I don't.

desperatenotstupid · 27/02/2012 18:48

I like that idea - i would like to keep my tits and swap my belly and flabby thighs, thats a start

desperatenotstupid · 27/02/2012 18:56

I just saw a picture of Nigella lawson having slimmed down to a size 12 from her lovely curvy size 16. I think she looks ill :( I'm not saying that women who are a size 12 look ill, far from it, i think that would be my ideal weight if i didnt have to sacrafice my boobs to get there.

What i do think is this - if ever you see women who are not NATURALLY slim, but are a size 10 or whatever because they have dieted to that weight, they look pinched, have incredibly shiny faces and just don't look healthy at all. You can actually tell. I think we should all eat a healthy diet, exerceise regularly so that we are FIT and HEALTHY and HAPPY!! I refuse to go "on a diet" just to fit into societies idea of how i should look

NotGoingOut17 · 27/02/2012 19:55

From my experience, men want a slim (up to a 12) woman - and again, from my experience consider this quite important. My friends recently put me on a dating website but only put a pic on that goes down to my chest - I attracted quite a lot of attention but could write a long list of men who have asked me out and then (because I don't want awkwardness on a date) when I explained my dress size (size 22) they made a sharpish exit.. despite the fact my profile clearly said my body size. I realise everyone has a right to a preference but what annoys me is when it is men who I have been speaking to for some time and we get on really well and they won't even have the decency to meet- I'm losing weight at the moment so won't always be fat (hopefully) and have a lot going for me in other ways -including having a pretty face in which my weight doesn't show.

I'm 27 so perhaps it is a consequence of immaturity in men in their late 20s but it has been an interesting learning experience. I take comfort from the fact that I am, with the exception of body type, out of their league anyway - better looking and more intelligent ;-)

desperatenotstupid · 27/02/2012 21:56

Notgoingout, i think maybe you should try a different dating site, the men on that site sound like cocks

butterfingerz · 27/02/2012 22:12

OP - you said when you went out, she was wearing a dress and you was wearing a black top and black skinnies. Not sure if you're after some male attention (you've hinted not) but you could try a dress? If you're not comfortable with flashing legs, try some black opaque tights with heels. It could be something as simple as dress vs jeans in the who gets more male attention stakes...

Just sayin.

MeltedChocolate · 27/02/2012 22:17

If we had to generalise I would say that men do not like women too thin or too large.

I get more attention now than when I could have been mistaken for being anorexic!

butterfingerz · 27/02/2012 22:18

Oooh have a look at Vivian of Holloway dresses, they're gorg and have an inbuilt corset. I think I might buy one for summer when I find enough pennies.

NotGoingOut17 · 27/02/2012 22:57

Haha thanks desperatenotstupid, that made me laugh. I think the fact it is a free one that attracts the cocks . Evidently my friends are so keen for me to have a boyfriend they put me on a dating website without my permission but not keen enough to pay for me to get a decent one lol!

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2012 23:04

Those men do sound like cocks NotGoing...you've be far better off going for a more upmarket site by the sound of it.

Having said that though, some people do seem to be far too critical when it comes to how other people look.

Have you seen the Angelina Jolie thread?

Pages and pages of people slagging off one woman's leg...that's right a bloody leg!

Some think it's too scrawny, some think it's too thin, some think it's pasty...etc!

If people are going to be that critical over a bloody leg, then what hope do the rest of us have? Grin

cherrytopping · 27/02/2012 23:04

Echoing what desperatenotstupid says about dating sites. A few of my friends have tried various ones and the type of people (and what they are after) does vary from site to site. One friend inparticular took a lot of time looking at what each site was about before joining. She went for eharmony as she felt it was personality/more serious over sex. I have no idea if her judgement was correct or not. But she has been seeing a guy she met through it for nearly 18months and they moved in together at the end of last year. Nice guy.

cherrytopping · 27/02/2012 23:07

worra you speak the truth - as usual. I made a list over all the crap stupid things on this thread. then got drunk, and deleted it.

point was that who needs men having a preference for skinny when you have women talking bollocks about size/appearance on a mainly female site.

PS I wish to all you bigger women would take bloody compliments better!!!!

PPS I may be drunk and getting shouted at by DH for still being on this.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2012 23:14

worra you speak the truth - as usual

See that proves your drunkeness better than any breathalyzer could! Grin

aldiwhore · 27/02/2012 23:21

YABU op

Its like saying most women prefer metrosexual males who like shopping.

I don't, and neither do most other women I know. I'm sure plenty do though, so I would hate to think that suddenly all the hairy biker blokes out there feel they should shave and squeal over shoes.

I've been thin (for a short time) and the male attention I got then was probably greater in number but lesser in quality (of what I found attractive) than when I gained some curves.

There seems to be a vast amount of pissed up idiots who leer at thinner, more The Sun type women on your average night out in town (any town) but that really is no measure of the taste of the nation/globe/entire gender.

Certain types like other certain types more. The prefered shape at a bike rally would probably be a bit different from a slone bar, and again different from a chavtastic pub.

worra her leg's fine, the pose was deeply odd and desperate. Wink

I LOVE my fat arse, hate my fat belly, can't have one without the other so try for a happy balance... never been happier than the day I thought, i like me warts and all and fuck everyone else! Strangely I suspect it was the day that the husband really thought I looked my best, because I wasn't obsessing over whether my big bum looked big, I was shaking it.

WorraLiberty · 27/02/2012 23:25

The pose was odd indeed! Grin

But 'scrawny' 'pasty' 'nobbly' etc...

Well that's even odder imo

It's just a bloody leg!

blonderthanred · 27/02/2012 23:43

Having got to a 6-8 after spending most of my life as a 16-20, yanbu. At a certain weight, you fall into a lot more men's radar. Sadly the size 8 was unsustainable for me and the battle goes on!

There is definitely a confidence issue often linked, but for a lot of men, yep sadly they just look past anyone above a certain size.

playdotcom · 27/02/2012 23:43

I've never heard a guy say he 'prefers' a skinny woman. I've also never heard one say they like obese women. I get really pissed off when overweight women bang on about men 'liking curvy women'. You're not curvy, you're fat, just admit it.

limitedperiodonly · 28/02/2012 00:09

cherry Please read my post again before jumping up and down.

OP says her friend spent a lot of time texting a bloke when she was with her and asking about her own appearance. Highly irritating and a candidacy for the dump.

OP calls herself theuglymate, thinks a perfectly reasonable size 10 is skinny and obsesses about her own size which is an equally reasonable 14.

Neither seem great company to me, but it's up to you.

limitedperiodonly · 28/02/2012 00:14

Oh, and 'self-aborbed compliment-fishers' was aimed at the mate and the OP. I thought you needed that pointing out or maybe you replied to my post before you started drinking.

aldiwhore · 28/02/2012 00:20

I'm not even sure about SLIM women being a preference.

There's probably a more popular spectrum between a 10 and 16... but some size 6's would fit, and so would some size 20's.

Its about shape, how its carried both emotionally and physically.

Say you were to say men prefer women with at least 4lbs of 'fat'... it would depend on where that fat is (breasts, bum, neck?) and how its worked!

Size 14 is about where I look my absolute best for me (not there yet) but I've friends for whom a 14 would look much bigger and/or smaller.

There's too many variants.

I think the only generalisation you can make is that most men (not all) do not find super skinny (without enhancements) sexy nor to they find super fat sexy. But there are exceptions.

My husband just said, I was at my most unattractive to him when I felt most unattractive about myself, even though my shape was pretty (won't use the derogatory phrase he used) optimum... the time when he was most attractive to me was when me shape probably wasn't but my temprament was happy and confident.

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