To think that smacking a child is the same as smacking an adult

[Elderberries]

If I came on here and said I had lost it with my partner and got so angry that I had slapped him a couple of times people would say (and rightly so) that I was way out of line and should do something about my temper ect....they would probably be even more outraged if I said I had hit my wife.

If I come on here and say I lost my temper and slapped my child I think I would get a different reaction. Am I being unreasonable to think that actually hitting a child is domestic violence? If it's not OK for your partner why would be it OK to chastise a child in this way. Is it because they are small and helpless and have no representation? Wasn't that the position of women not so very long ago when a husband had every right to hit his wife.

I'm saying this because I did get angry last night and slapped my 2.5 year old on the leg and I feel terrible. I've never done it before and I am against it in principle. I just lost control because he wouldn't stay still when I was trying to change a very very soiled nappy and I didn't want it to get everywhere.

I do think it is domestic abuse. I do think it is wrong. I am never going to do that again. Never. Go on tell me I'm wrong.

I agree that hitting a child in anger is wrong - just as hitting an adult in anger is wrong.
What I absolutely cannot understand is why "smackers" think it's ok to be calm, think about it and then smack hit a child.
If an adult hit another in a premeditated way they would be spoken to by the police!

It's very odd to think it ok to hit anyone IMHO - for any reason.

i dont scream obscenities at my child either. that's wrong too. i dont scream obscenities at anyone. i think you will find most people think it is wrong to do so.

I think many of us have different interpretations of what smacking constitutes

where was OP being aggressive to other posters?

"I hit her because she wouldn't listen"

"I hit her because she wouldn't do as she was told"

"I hit her because I was angry"

"I hit her because I was having a bad day"

Now those are the reasons and excuses why Men hit women.

It's shocking how many excuses there are on this thread why adults smack children.

It is wrong to physically assault someone.

Ilovetopost01 - I've said I will not do it again.

I am not being aggressive to other posters I'm telling them my opinion. What happened got me thinking and I decided I wanted to try and persuade others that hitting a child is wrong. If a discussion on AIBU can persuade a few others not to chastise their children in this way then I think that is a good thing.

I'm glad you have never made the mistake I have but I think you could be more forgiving of my imperfections to be honest.

Yuleing - that is a V good little rhyme. I haven't heard it before but it will be very useful (I'm unfortunate enough to know lots of smackers)

I think you've learnt from this Elderberries

I could have written your post as I'm very against smacking but did smack my DD very occasionally when she was about 3 ( ie around the trickiest age perhaps)

But you are bound to get posters who are either completely against and never have, or who think it's OK in certain circumstances. One or two people will be more or less like you and I. HTH

I'm sure your child will be fine. My DD seems to still be as wonderful as ever !
Resolve not to do it again (especially given how you feel ATM, and to be more consistent with your beliefs)

It's also wrong to physically assault children, however, I think people who think smacking is part of the disciplinary repertoire don't consider it assault, and neither do the police.

feedme you seem to think that if you don't advocate smacking then you must advocate screeching/shouting at your child. I don't do either.

I've shouted (properly shouted) at my child ONCE, when he put a plastic bag on his head. I Immediately apologised for shouting but talked to him about why he can't be putting plastic bags on his head.

First time and only time mum here. Never felt the need to smack ds - never. Only time I've raised my voice is when I felt he wasn't listening and was in danger - and he listened.

I thought it was illegal to smack kids in UK - apparently not. Each to their own but it's not something I would be comfortable doing as I'm not a violent person and don't hit adults or animals etc.

Been to my dh's country in europe many a time and and seen smacking quite common there. Seen parents with their hand raised constantly in smacking position and it makes me think thank god my kid isn't on the end of that hand.

But it's not illegal so each to their own. If I saw and adult being hit I'd call the police - I'd do the same for kid.

Bennifer - they don't consider it assault yet. I think the time will come when they do.

Slapping and hitting are wrong.

Smacking is not well described by either of those terms, though there are those who will hysterically insist they are identical.

But the crucuial difference is thatparents are responsible for bringing up their children most interpret that to include using sanctions to prevent dangerous behaviour and discourage the sub-optimal.

As we are not responsible for bringing up those who are already adults, it strikes me as a completely false argument to liken these circumstances.

he sounds incredibly well behaved. I wish my 4 yr old would tidy up/put things in the wash/ and go up to his room for bed even if he wasn't tired. Respect woman!

I have mixed feelings about smacking tbh

Basically our laws are based on the consensus view. When enough people see that violence in any setting (except self defence) is wrong then the laws will change.

I think it would be a very difficult law to operate

@mojitomania
I don't not class tapping a child on the hand for touching hot things as smacking, I class it as a warning not to do something harmful. We all were smacked as children and we are okay with being smacked as children, it never harmed us in any way.
I think shouting a balling at a child can create so much more damage!

YANBU. I am constantly amazed at how hard some posters work to convince themselves and others that smacking a child is different from smacking an adult. Both are unacceptable and actually, if I had to rank them, I would say hitting a child is worse because they cannot defend themselves.

Agincourt - he's also very cheeky...I was just demonstrating the point that he can be reasoned with. He has his moments like any other child. But yeah he is a lovely little kid. Takes after his dad.

Yes a difficult law to police, I agree, but then so is domestic abuse against adults.

bennifer i think alot of current laws are difficult to operate/enforce but it doesn't mean they shouldn't exist.

I don't really see posters working hard to convince themselves that smacking is different from an adult. I think if I "smacked" an adult, they'd be shocked, but I don't think they'd consider it assault.

I'm an adult and I would consider it assualt if someone bigger and stronger than me hit me because I wouldn't do what they told me to.

Oh so it's tapping now is it? You should never lay your hands on another person full stop let alone a tiny one. There are no arguments in my book that would make me think any different.

Barbaric and just plain wrong.

For the record I also think shouting/balling at a child is wrong.

This argument of "it never harmed us" is ridiculous.