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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have changed DD's wet nappy in a corner of a cafe because they had no babychanging facilities?

235 replies

onwardsnupwards · 16/02/2012 21:07

Please tell me I was being unreasonable, because then I'd be less angry. No facilities in the loo, not even a plastic baby mat to put on the floor. There are no other places locally to change nappies and she was a little sore in the morning. I should have just left when they said they had no facilities, but I was with my Dad and sister and we don't get together as a family that often. So I sat down to order lunch, but I just couldn't face eating, thinking DD might be uncomfortable, so in the corner of the half empty cafe, well out of sight and nose range of other customers, I spread my coat on the carpet and laid DD on it. Just as I'd got clean nappy on DD, the usually over-friendly assistant came over and did a strop: "You can't do that here, this is a restaurant and people are eating". It was just a bit of wee; no one could see; she was on my coat; and it was a fucking caff, not a restaurant. I calmly finished changing her, put my coat back on and stalked out, with my Dad pleading with me to stay and eat. Was I compromising food hygiene? Would a female assistant have reacted in the same way, d'you think? Will I EVER, EVER, EVER visit that caff again? I guess it propelled me back to the dark days of trying to find somewhere breastfeeding friendly, and all those months of being housebound because Northampton is so backward in this regard. Is it even reasonable for a "restaurant" NOT to have baby-changing facilities, when legally they have to provide toilets for the rest of us? Should parents of pre-school children just be banished to the ends of the earth until their children become old enough to spend a penny?

OP posts:
GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/02/2012 11:09

Two? Oh blimey I thought it was a baby. I'm swayed by my 5 week old who I do change as soon as she needs it. Two year olds can wait!

Cubtrouble · 17/02/2012 12:44

I actually feel a bit sorry for OP. Im pregnant with our first baby.
I have germ issues myself. Not ocd, but i don't like touching door handles- there I said it! Im odd i know. I wouldnt change my baby on a public loo floor.

Now, no, I don't find it acceptable that you changed your kids bum in a cafe, in the middle of a cafe, at the side of a cafe, wherever. your child had its bum out in the vicinity of my food. If its not appropriate to drop my own pants I wouldnt drop those of the child. I had to sit at a table and wait for my DH in macdonalds a few weeks ago- craving a milkshake!! a perfectly respectable women with her small child sat on the table next to us and I was literally horrified when she got the kid out the buggy lifted her on to the table and proclaimed loudly as she lifted the kids bum to her nose- "OH HAVE YOU DUN A POOOOOOO"

R A N K. (no, she didnt change the child there)

NOW, my point- i am getting there, is that i definetely think attitudes CAN change once you have a baby, some stuff you might not find ok before, will suddenly become ok once the baby comes. Some very nice friends of ours came to visit us in our new house with their baby, I was about 22 at the time, we had new carpet. She came in, and without saying anything opens a tiny changing mat and lays the child down and opens the most vile stinky nappy ever on my brand new carpet in the LIVING ROOM!!!!!!!!
I was livid and really had to bite my tongue!! These were the the same people who demanded all guests wash their hands before touching the baby when she was new!!!!

Who knows, i have this to find out myself soon enough, maybe i will be changing the baby on the chopping board, maybe i will go to our bathroom and tourment myself when im out looking for the perfect place.
Maybe if im discretly breast feeding in a cafe and someone tells me its wrong/gross/not acceptable i will tell them back they shouldnt worry about the breast feeding im going to change their bum next!!!

differentnameforthis · 17/02/2012 12:54

Well..in my nappy changing bag was a little waterproof mat & on that waterproof mat I kept an old terry nappy or muslin.

On the floor of any loo would not have phased me, tbh. The cloth went in the wash & the mat got cleaned.

Most bags come with a mat & if not I am pretty sure 99.9% of mothers carry something other than their coat Hmm to change a dirty nappy on. Failing that, I have changed both my dds on my lap before.

End of issue.

differentnameforthis · 17/02/2012 12:56

She's 2? I have changed my toddler standing up before now.

Sorry, op, I now it is only wee & babies arse, but I would prefer not to see either (unless it was one of my own) while eating.

Pandemoniaa · 17/02/2012 12:59

I've just picked up the fact that this child is two. WTAF?

KateSpade · 17/02/2012 14:40

I did it at In a train station cafe, as the toilets have shut down and replaced with a portaloo. My DD was not even 8 weeks at the time, No-one mentioned anything.

But i wouldnt do it now, she's 5MO, deffo not when she's two.

Pandemoniaa · 17/02/2012 14:43

I'm a bit surprised at a 2 year old being comfortable with the idea of having her nappy changed, in public, in the middle of a cafe anyway. Neither of my dcs would have been tolerant of the idea. It's an inappropriate thing to do on several levels.

mrsjay · 17/02/2012 14:46

Yabu do you not have your own changing mat on a changing bag for these situations , I think changing a nappy in an eating place is horrible for other people , I know they didnt have facilities but do try and think about others around you , sometimes we need to change nappies in awkward places ,

AlexTasha · 17/02/2012 16:08

Thats is disgusting, I would hate to have someone change a baby near where I was eating. Why don't you carry a changing mat with you? How did you wash your hands etc? YABU

theworldaccordingtome · 17/02/2012 17:16

Very very unreasonable. Although I agree that I wouldn't use toilet floor, there would have been plenty of other options. If I had been in the cafe and the waiter hadn't said something I would have complained to the staff. Not sure why the gender of the waiting staff is relevant either or are you just a bit sexist as we'll as unreasonable???

nowittynamehere · 17/02/2012 17:20

your Baby couldve stood while you changed her nappy why did she have to lie down she is 2 , I think the person had every right to have a word with you about this , its a hygene and comfort of other diners issue , I think you are being very over dramatic about this , you couldnt eat because you were worried about a sore bottom , you need to calm down a little ,

mummahubba · 17/02/2012 20:04

I've done it too in the corner at wagamammas! Laid baby down in her pram and quickly changed a wet nappy in there. The changing facilities were so dirty I wouldn't have wiped a dogs arse in there. I don't see it as a big deal, smelly poo yes a big deal, wee no probs. I doubt anyone even noticed me doing it.

somedayma · 17/02/2012 20:27

YABU and disgusting. I'm sure the staff are glad to see the back of you

KateSpade · 17/02/2012 22:06

I once saw a Mother of a little girl around 4/5 being held up with her knickers off and skirt up having a wee at the side of the road, facing into the road. She wasn't squatting down either, properly being held up.

That was the most disgusting thing i have ever seen in my life. The road was right next to an ally where they could have gone out the way, cars were driving past and people were walking down the road.

Also yesterday at the Doctors i was queuing up to ask about my appointment, and i saw a girl around 8ish playing on a chair, i thought oh dear she's going to hurt herself if she's not careful as she was leaning backwards. Her dress came up and the child had no knickers on.

So compared to them two stories, i don't think what you did was actually too bad...

shockers · 17/02/2012 23:05

I wouldn't have laid my coat on a loo floor. Having said that, if it was just a wee, I could easily have changed mine standing up, in the loo cubicle.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 18/02/2012 04:19

She's two. Use pull ups woman!!

WhizziesMum · 18/02/2012 05:20

Blimey she's 2?? Surely she should be toilet trained by now?? OP you slacker! Wink

MrsKittyFane · 18/02/2012 08:33

The 'baby' is nearly two?:o
Then YABVVVU.
You should have taken your DC into a toilet and changed standing up.

LiegeAndLief · 18/02/2012 08:50

I may be missing something here, but i've done lots of nappy changes in less than salubrious toilets. Don't most people have a travel changing mat thinng? Mine only cost £2 and when the dc got too big to fit all of them on it I used a muslin or something under their heads. Often even when there is a baby changing table it looks so grim I woudln't want my child's bottom on it.

Also am guessing the OP has never chanegd a 2yo in an aeroplane toilet - physically impossible to lie them down!

petaluma · 18/02/2012 09:41

First of all I would have asked the cafe if they had an alternative space to change baby. If they said no, then I would ask if it were ok to change in a quiet corner. If they said no, I would have asked if they knew of facilities nearby. If they said no then I would have said to them that I had to change baby in a cramped unsuitable space and I wouldn't be returning any time soon as they clearly are not child friendly. Simples.

aurynne · 18/02/2012 10:08

Parents of small children get used to deal with nappies, poo, pee, bogeys, vomit... and consider it quite normal.

But for everyone else, it is bloody disgusting, we don't want to hear you talking about it (especially while eating), and definitely do NOT, I repeat, do NOT want to see any baby being changed in a restaurant or cafe. We have no idea whether the nappy is a pee or poo one, and frankly, I wouldn't care. It would put me straight off my food, you would hear some very unpleasant words from me, and I would definitely put a complaint at the restaurant if the waiter/waitress did not act and tell you to stop and go somewhere else.

How ANYONE can believe that is ok is just beyond me.

Feces are feces, urine is urine, and baby and toddler's ones stink as much, or sometimes more, than adult ones. Babies' mums think their baby's ones do not smell that bad. But hey, I don't think my own poo smells that bad either. Would you like a sample of it while you're eating?

RealLifeIsForWimps · 18/02/2012 11:27

wet nappies smell like hamsters. Not that bad, but definitely dont want a whiff of it when I'm tucking into my bacon sarnie.

DayShiftDoris · 18/02/2012 22:15

I changed my son in McD IN the restaurants once... I went to use the disabled / changing facilities and the SHIT up the walls put me off. I spoke to the people on the table next to me (one of which checked the loo herself and complained to the staff) and then changed him on the bench.

I was approached but I said very calmly but loudly that I would change my son in the toilet when they wiped the EXTREMENT off the walls and floors.

No apology. She just went off. Someone else approached the toilet, opened the door and then went to counter and complained.

I wiped my hands, the bench and the table with antibac wipes from my bag (I dont mind handling my son's shit but not random strangers) then i bagged it and put it in the ladies loo hygiene bin. BTW the ladies loo is TINY and no cleaner)... we finished our meal and no member of staff went near that loo for the 20 mins we were there after 3 seperate complaints.

I live near the OP and believe me - the area is WELL known for lack of facilities. One mum when my son was little made national press for changing her baby in boots after the centre baby changing were locked because of drug use!

Son was 5 months old at the time (not eating BTW!!). Changing facilities are not a loo floor... a normal floor perhaps but a rolling, hands in mouth baby on a loo floor? I think absolutely not.

aurynne · 18/02/2012 22:21

DayShiftDoris, the fact that a dirty loo's floor is, indeed, not an appropriate place to change a nappy, does not mean a restaurant or cafe suddenly becomes the appropriate place. Many people in this thread have pointed out about a dozen other places where it would be appropriate to change a baby's or toddler's nappy when there are no baby-changing facilities available.

And by the way, it is spelled "EXCREMENT".

DayShiftDoris · 18/02/2012 23:01

Like where? I ficked through the thread and got toilet floor or toilet seat on a knee, a buggy (but only outside) or on a coat on a toilet floor or a changing mat on a toilet floor.

Now I have changed him on a toilet floor of an impecibly clean cafe loo but I stopped that when he started rolling and trying to pull himself up with the loo... EEEKK

Though I generally used the buggy to change it was less than idea and impossible when he was a toddler. I just never changed him, if I could help it, when we were out in town.

Whilst there is no excuse when there is a good alternative... in this town there isn't... local surestart allows you use their facilities but its a way out of town but I would drag my backside there.

Things are so bad here that I had a friend daughter with me and she needed a wee I made her waiting until I made a toilet paper cover for the toilet seat. I am NO clean freak but my goodness it was disgusting but its the only public loo and she was only just dry so couldnt hold long. My friend said she does the same. Its at that point I was glad my boy stands...

I NEVER EVER use the facilities in this town... ever and I normally dont have any issues in public facilities. Its that they are just a bloody health risk and STINK.

Vile, vile, vile and yes if I was in John Lewis cafe with a reasonable loo to be used in the corner I would have an issue but I would rather see a child comfortable.

Sorry for typo... I cant be bothered to cut and paste into word to check my spelling which is atrocious (prob spelt wrong0 most of the time... not dyslexic, no excuse really except that I am a rubbish speller... apologies.