To have changed DD's wet nappy in a corner of a cafe because they had no babychanging facilities?

[onwardsnupwards]

Please tell me I was being unreasonable, because then I'd be less angry. No facilities in the loo, not even a plastic baby mat to put on the floor. There are no other places locally to change nappies and she was a little sore in the morning. I should have just left when they said they had no facilities, but I was with my Dad and sister and we don't get together as a family that often. So I sat down to order lunch, but I just couldn't face eating, thinking DD might be uncomfortable, so in the corner of the half empty cafe, well out of sight and nose range of other customers, I spread my coat on the carpet and laid DD on it. Just as I'd got clean nappy on DD, the usually over-friendly assistant came over and did a strop: "You can't do that here, this is a restaurant and people are eating". It was just a bit of wee; no one could see; she was on my coat; and it was a fucking caff, not a restaurant. I calmly finished changing her, put my coat back on and stalked out, with my Dad pleading with me to stay and eat. Was I compromising food hygiene? Would a female assistant have reacted in the same way, d'you think? Will I EVER, EVER, EVER visit that caff again? I guess it propelled me back to the dark days of trying to find somewhere breastfeeding friendly, and all those months of being housebound because Northampton is so backward in this regard. Is it even reasonable for a "restaurant" NOT to have baby-changing facilities, when legally they have to provide toilets for the rest of us? Should parents of pre-school children just be banished to the ends of the earth until their children become old enough to spend a penny?

I personally would have no problem with someone changing a child's wet nappy in a cafe I was eating at, I would draw the line at a soiled nappy but a bit of wee I wouldn't mind. I would prefer a quick change of a wet nappy than a screaming baby because she is uncomfortable in said nappy.

I would also not want to lye my coat, let alone child, down on a floor of a tolilet used by the public, especially if it was one toliet for both men and women.

I changed DD at about 6mo in a near-empty restaurant once. We were the only people in our section, there was a bench at the side out of view of the rest of the restaurant and no changing facilities. And I've changed pooey nappies with her standing on a toilet or a chair in the toilets (that requires more of a group effort though).

Personally it wouldn't bother me to see a wet nappy being changed in a cafe, but I guess some people might find it gross.

This is why they invented those handy folding travel change mats. Stick it on the floor in the toilets and wipe it down afterwards.

there is no comparison between breastfeeding and nappy changing.

Can you imagine what it would be like if everyone with children in nappies changed their nappies in restaurants and cafes! I cannot imagine why you wouldn't change a nappy in the loo! I have 3 children, 2 of them in nappies, go to cafes a lot and have never ever changed a nappy in an eating area!

Thank you OlympicGoldPennies. Err...on balance, I wouldn't change her nappy like that again, but have never done so before, either. Yesterday was a stressy day, as I said. Re the nappy change facilities and being "entitled": I have run public venues providing disabled loos with alarm cords, disabled accessible lifts, and have provided hearing induction loops, turning spaces for wheelchairs, and yes, even baby change facilities, so I guess I come at the whole debate about facilities from a different angle. It is not difficult for even the smallest restaurant to provide a plastic changing mat to put on the floor, and show consideration for customers with babies. But like others have said, under normal circumstances, I wouldn't use a mat on the floor, or a coat, and "entitled" or not, I will just not use a cafe without facilities in future. Right. Onto next topic!

If the cafe had toilets, then they had "facilities". Most people carry a fold up changing mat in their changing bag for this express purpose, why can't you?
I would certainly complain if I had to eat anywhere near you.

But a disabled person NEEDS those things to make things accessible and safe for them, baby facilities are a nice bonus but not a necessity.

Wouldn't life be easier if every toilet had fold down nappy changing surfaces!

I had a panic a couple of weeks ago (DS about 5 weeks old) and no nappy changing facilities, so I wheeled the pram into the biggest toilet and put his changing matt down on the pram and changed him there. I hadn't even thought about changing him on my lap, so next time I'll give that a go instead!

Personally I wouldn't put my coat or even a changing matt in the floor in a public toilet...but then I have issues sitting down on some public toilets!

I think if I had have been in the OP's position, I would have either made the child wait, done a standing up nappy change in the toilet, or found facilities nearby and come back in to meet my dad, or as a last choice laid child down on a seat out of sight to change the nappy - in that order!

Bet you didn't think you'd cause a virtual riot with your post onwardsandupwards!

OK I take back my 'entitled' as you seem perfectly sane, but smacked wrists if you do this again

OP, I don't think you're going to get out of it that easily!

You were brave for coming on here and sharing...

I think we can all do things that, on reflection, we wouldn't do again - especially after getting a roasting on here!

but on here people often want a pound of flesh and then some!

onwardsnupwards I think you are getting confused between a necessity for people with disability; and a courtesy for people with babies.

A changing table is not a necessity, as you can see by this thread, many of us can manage without a changing table,. and without resorting to changing a nappy on a table in a cafe.

Stick - Norovirus for a start.

Put your own fold out mat on the floor. Wen you get home sling it in the wash. They are under no obligation to provide changing facilities...especially if it's a caff so mostly workers use it. Get over yourself and learn to adapt a bit.
I've changed nappies in a pram, on the grass, othe toilet floor using my mat. The world doesn't revolve around you and your baby's nappy rash.

Oh I knew someone would go off on one about comparisons with disabled facilities: if you took the trouble to read previous postings you'll see that other people drew this comparison, and I was responding to those. Take the trouble to read the whole thread, or don't bother at all. Most of the latest comments have already been well made. Once again, thank you for your advice.

You are the one that posted comparisons to disabled facilities, I suggest you read your own posts rather than getting arsy when people reply to what you write.

I can't believe I've never thought of standing up changing. I always struggle with the small portable mat and something to go under DD's head to stop it touching the floor.

DP once took the big changing mat from the changing table with him when he went out because he didn't realise there was a small one in the bottom of the buggy.

DD gets a sore bum really easily, but I would never change her where people are eating. I wouldn't put her or my coat on the floor of the loo, but if you knew she was sore and may need changing, then you should've made sure there were facilities available or taken a mat with you.

I particularly enjoyed the bit in the OP where you are simultaneously cross about having to feed your baby in the loo (??) yet happy to change a nappy in the cafe. Bravo

YABU

I would never change a nappy where food was being consumed or prepared. Nor somewhere where it wasn't possible to wash my hands afterwards.

A small baby can be changed on your lap in the loo, in their pushchair (outside), or on a travel changing mat on the loo floor. An older, standing baby can be changed quickly in the loo. If you can't manage that then you should have left it until later or found somewhere with changing facilities.

Am surprised by your breastfeeding experiences though I've been breastfeeding for the last 10 years (!) I don't live in a particularly cosmopolitan area & I breastfeed whenever/where ever dc have needed & I have never felt unwelcome nor had any negative comments.

I will never forget the woman in the nhs post natal group, who decided to change her baby's dirty nappy on a table in a riverside restaurant (booking essential) because "she did not want to miss any of the conversation".

She was suitably told off by staff. If she did not instantly remove herself from table and into the baby changing facilities, we would all be kicked out and banned.

I was so mortified I have never dared set my foot in this establishment again, which is a shame, as it is a fish restaurant and I love fish.

a two year old is not a baby - it's a toddler. Just to be pedantic...

Breastfeeding is not remotely comparible to nappy changing - presumably you don't go and have a wee in the corner of a cafe so changing your child's nappy is no different to that.

putting coats on toilet floor is highly unnecessary - I had a folding changing mat for the purpose when ds was little. I could understand if the parent of a newborn didn't due to inexperience but by two surely most people know the score and that not everywhere is equipped with changing facilities with mats etc? apart from anything else, what do you do when you go to the houses of people who don't have babies - they presumably don't have changing mats either?

Oh dear - please don't move to Belgium OP. Hardly any cafes or restaurants have baby change facilities and I have to lay 18mo DS on the floor of the ladies loos to change his nappy......every time we go out!

Ok we get it, she was BU!

OP, firstly aqueous (sp?) cream is amazing for sore hands. Secondly, practice changing DD standing up. It will make life easier.

Hold on, she's two?????? You are being unreasonable to the power of ten, op.

NoEscape - so true! Children and babies are welcome in restaurants, bfing at the table is no problem at all, but virtually no changing tables. Services for the disabled are pretty rubbish but improving, as my favourite italian restaurant has just paid 300 euros for a ramp for wheel chair users .