To have changed DD's wet nappy in a corner of a cafe because they had no babychanging facilities?

[onwardsnupwards]

Please tell me I was being unreasonable, because then I'd be less angry. No facilities in the loo, not even a plastic baby mat to put on the floor. There are no other places locally to change nappies and she was a little sore in the morning. I should have just left when they said they had no facilities, but I was with my Dad and sister and we don't get together as a family that often. So I sat down to order lunch, but I just couldn't face eating, thinking DD might be uncomfortable, so in the corner of the half empty cafe, well out of sight and nose range of other customers, I spread my coat on the carpet and laid DD on it. Just as I'd got clean nappy on DD, the usually over-friendly assistant came over and did a strop: "You can't do that here, this is a restaurant and people are eating". It was just a bit of wee; no one could see; she was on my coat; and it was a fucking caff, not a restaurant. I calmly finished changing her, put my coat back on and stalked out, with my Dad pleading with me to stay and eat. Was I compromising food hygiene? Would a female assistant have reacted in the same way, d'you think? Will I EVER, EVER, EVER visit that caff again? I guess it propelled me back to the dark days of trying to find somewhere breastfeeding friendly, and all those months of being housebound because Northampton is so backward in this regard. Is it even reasonable for a "restaurant" NOT to have baby-changing facilities, when legally they have to provide toilets for the rest of us? Should parents of pre-school children just be banished to the ends of the earth until their children become old enough to spend a penny?

YABU for using the term "spend a penny"! Personally, I wouldn't have minded at all if I was one of the other customers - but then I have 3 DCs and have changed nappies in many a dodgy location. I can see why some people would have found it unsavoury though .

Sounds a stressful day out and probably also a stressful night of yabu's
I hope you don't mind me asking if this anger and emotion goes on a lot atm? I'm a bit concerned and hope you are ok. Ignore me if you are usually feeling fine and this is just an off day
At least you didn't change her on the counter, as I once witnessed, omg!!

Even if customers weren't bothered someone could have tripped over carrying hot drinks! Ridiculous.

I think you should have gone to the bogs really but I admit to having changed newborn DD on my lap under the table in a restaurant which had no changing facilites (at the suggestion of the waitress ) so I wouldn't have have been bothered by your antics. My friend got told off for changing her baby ON THE TABLE in Cafe Nero (which has changing facilitites) and she got all huffy and couldnt see what the fuss was about. Good job she didn't start a poll oin here, she'd have been flamed!

I wouldn't have put my coat on the floor of the cafe (let alone the floor of the loos )

I would have said the same as Chipping

YABU I'm afraid - there are limits, and changing nappies in eating areas is one of them.

You could have changed the baby on your knee in the toilets. Or next time take a little changing mat in your bag.

Boobs - people aren't offended by babies bums. They are offended by dirty nappies in an area where they are paying to eat!

I'd have waited unless the nappy was at the point it was dripping wet or your baby was crying through being uncomfortable. I've never known a child become sore from a wet nappy alone. Rarely a soiled nappy either unless it's acidy for some reason (such as through illness) .

Even if that were the case, I've never changed my child in public. It's unneccessary. Doing so in a cafe where people are eating and drinking is definitely most unreasonable. A simple wet nappy could very easily have been changed in about 60 seconds in a toilet cublicle on your lap. If that wasn't available then I'm afraid I'd have waited until I found somewhere more convenient. Nappies last quite some time before becomming full.

I think YABU, not the same as bf.

Cafes are for eating and drinking in which is what a baby is doing while bf. Toilets are for dealing with (for want of better words) poo and/or pee which is what you are doing when changing a nappy. Our nearest town doesn't have a lot of changing facilities so I changed dd on my knee in the toilets last week.

"I'd have waited unless the nappy was at the point it was dripping wet or your baby was crying through being uncomfortable"

Why the face? A baby doesn't need changing after every single wee. Nappies hold more than 1 wee you know and certainly won't harm the baby. That's what they're made that way for - to last a few hours!

Mine have both suffered quite badly from nappy rash. I guess babies are different?

"I'd have waited unless the nappy was at the point it was dripping wet or your baby was crying through being uncomfortable"
Bloody Hell I wouldn't.

I don't see the big deal here. It's a wet nappy - presumably a disposable which would have been changed very quickly, no wee would have escaped and contaminated the cafe I'm sure

YABU - urgh. I have also done it on a plane and in the back of a car, (not moving!). Not very nice for anyone including DD. I understand that you were distressed and felt that you didn't have much option but as others have said - practise changing her on your lap and carry a changing bag with a small fold up slightly padded changing mat, (I used to have a black one that just looked like a normal shoulder bag).

Eeeeew, YABVU, that is so gross!

Maybe - I've only got the one (so not eperienced) but only had one case of nappy rash the entire time he's been in nappies - and that was through teething and having a bad case of diarrhoea with it. And I never changed him that often - only when it seemd to be getting full.

A younger baby cries when there's something wrong - like wanting feeding / changing etc. If they're not crying, and the nappy isn't full then there's not a problem. They can easily wait until you find somewhere more convenient.

YABU! on your knee sat on the toilet. Why on earth didn't you just do that? I genuinely don't understand why that would be different to using a manky ole changing mat ?

No, you weren't BU. I fail to see how changing a babies nappy can be offensive. No one forces anyone to stop whatever they're doing and look.

Fact of life is babies need to be changed. If there wasn't anywhere suitable to change then find somewhere, where you can.

Jesus, I've been in a cafe where a mother was changing her baby on the seats near the food being served. No one batted an eyelid. And why should they?!

Yabu. We dont usually eat in toilets, so you should not try and turn the cafes eating area in to one!

I really couldn't get worked up about this. A baby had a wet nappy changed in an unoccupied corner of a cafe. Big deal. Probably took 30 seconds and no one would have noticed had the staff member not drawn attention.

And I wouldn't leave a baby in a nappy until it fell off either. They can't do it themselves, they rely on us to look after them. And that includes not leaving them to sit in their own urine for hours.

It's a judgment call- generally speaking I would have done it on the floor of the loo, unless the floor was rank.

If the toilets were grim I think if the cafe was pretty quiet and if there was really noone close by who was eating I might have done the same as OP, with a small baby (less than 6 months ish). Older than that I probably would have nipped to the car/Boots/somewhere with changing facilities. Or not changed it at all if I knew it was only wet and baby wasn't complaining.

So without knowing the age of the baby and state of the loos I'm sitting on the fence!

It's a judgment call- generally speaking I would have done it on the floor of the loo, unless the floor was rank.

If the toilets were grim I think if the cafe was pretty quiet and if there was really noone close by who was eating I might have done the same as OP, with a small baby (less than 6 months ish). Older than that I probably would have nipped to the car/Boots/somewhere with changing facilities. Or not changed it at all if I knew it was only wet and baby wasn't complaining.

So without knowing the age of the baby and state of the loos I'm sitting on the fence!

A quick squeeze of a disposable tells you if it needs changing. Squishy - ok. Rock hard - needs changing. Pooey nappy - another thing altogether.

"I calmly finished changing her, put my coat back on and stalked out, with my Dad pleading with me to stay and eat"

Who was it recently who sad that on their literature course they were encouraged to come to mumsnet and post threads as part of their creative writing module?

Nobody writes that they 'stalked out of somewhere while my father pleaded with me'.

Good effort though OP.

And that includes not leaving them to sit in their own urine for hours.

I very much doubt she'd have been sitting in the cafe for hours. If she was that concerned about her baby, she would have plenty of time before visiting the cafe to do a nappy change and could have gone elsewhere to find somewhere to change her afterwards. How long do most people spend in cafe's - up to an hour maximum? A baby can last an hour without having their nappy changed. Let's hope you never send them to a childminder or nursery - they won't be doing an hourly nappy change! Gosh, I bet some of you are the ones still wiping their bums until they're 8 too?