... to think my almost 11 year old DDs should be able to sit in a restaurant and converse with their parents/grandparents without electronic games/phones/stuff to do?

[sandyballs]

DH thinks I am and wanted to hand over his i-phone to 'keep them amused'. They are nearly 11 FFS not 5. To be fair they do normally behave nicely in restaurants but last night they were bloody awful, it was embarrassing. It was MILs birthday and the DDs wriggled and moaned and pulled faces, one got under the table . I had to separate them.

They're off to secondary school in Sept so surely they should be able to spend a couple of hours in a restaurant chatting to the family without behaving like a couple of arses.

yes my kids are younger, well my eldest is 12 but if i am out and he is at home on his own, then he has my mobile no for emergencies, as does whoever is babysitting on the rare occasions that we go out. i would never look at a txt when out at a meal but if my phone rings i would look at the number of who was calling, if it was my home phone ie my babysitter! i would politely excuse myself and answer, if it was not them i would simply press ignore on the phone.

dp works for SS and is regularly on call/rota support and may have to answer a query over the phone or actually have to go into work, so he would look at his phone, see who was callling, if work related he would go outside and answer/ring them back. i would love him to just be able to ignore the phone no matter what, but that is not the nature of his job.

I have teenagers - 13.5 and 17. They have never, ever brought their phones or ipods or any other electronic equipment to the table: in the kitchen, in the dining room or elsewhere. It isn't something we have even had to think about negotiating.

OP I think your dd's should have behaved late or not. If they don't usually have technology stuff at the table YANBU; if they do it's more difficult and I can understand they would have wanted it in the restaurant.

They don't need 'something to do' imo.

They are doing something. They are having a meal.

What next? Will we have to take the tv with us 'in case they get bored', their bed 'in case they get tired' ?

At 11 they should be able to have a conversation.

YANBU.

That's true, LeQueen... we lived without them before and could do so again. It might give the "Oh but I must be in contact at all times" brigade something to really froth over.

we eat out often with my 9 and 6 yr old with no games or distractions but then we chat as a family and the kids are our focus. can be more stressful when you are in a bigger group and the kids might be bored or not included as much and the usual dynamic has changed, plus you want to make sure your kids behave and aren't acting up when others are in your group.

But generally speaking then yes they should be able to sit without distractions.

What Sozzle says. But it really helps if the grown ups make an effort and talk to the children and include them in conversation, and equally that the kids have an idea of what to say too. If we're going out with other members of the family we mightn't've seen for a bit I give them a few starters, eg how about asking cousin thingy how her exam went, don't forget to tell gran about your Brownie pack holiday, etc. Hope you all have more fun next time, and make it soon.

LeQueen, just going slightly off-topic here, but i'm curious - are you contactable in any other way when you turn your mobile off? It's just that I like to have my mobile with me in case something happens to my DC at nursery/school and they need to reach me. For that reason alone, I do keep it with me. But yes, I can see the temptation to turn it off [though screening is also a wonderful thing ]

Just off piste for a second... Why do you take your mum out to restaurants when she has dementia and can be very hard work? Don't you find it a very stressful experience and one which gives her little pleasure?

YANBU. I'd like to get my OH to do the same

Makes perfect sense LeQueen - my DH can rarely be reached at work, so the idea of turning my mobile off is a bit disconcerting when one or both of my DC are away from me!

LeQueen you sound like my MIL. She turns her phone on for special occasions. Sigh.

yes i am the same coffeemum when dp is at work A LOT! he cant be reached, well i can ring and it will go to voicemail or i have in a crisis phoned the office and they have tried to get him but that isnt guaranteed (think child with kawasakies disease needing to go to hospital..) so i have mine on all the time so the school/pre-school etc can contact me and recenly my sister who had her first baby and was needing a bit of support to deal with the overwhelming nature of being a first time mum and bfeeding etc, he is 6wks old now tho so now i am just getting cute pics rather than 'he is feeding all the time when will he let me sleep' type txt :) is that essential? maybe not but she lives a long way away and i am gutted not to be there to help her out more, so to be able to offer her support via phone, even if just a txt in the middle of the night, then i am happy to do that.

but back to mealtimes, i mentioned this to the till worker in my local shop she was aghast that anyone would let their childrne use a phone/electronic device or read a book in a restaraunt, just 'plain rude' where her words.

no one is saying its easy, but children CAN learn to behave and sit nicely and partake in the the social event of sitting and eating a meal, be that at home or out somewhere.

we have done it by, always eating at the table at home. no toys etc at the table at home, they are told/shown by example how to sit nicely and eat and chat etc. any non acceptable behaviour is giving a warning, if the dont listen then they are taken away from the table until they are going to behave.

when going out for a meal book it at a time when your children arent tired, try child friendly restaraunts to begin wiht pizza express, or a nice pub with a garden where they can play before sitting down at the table.

for small children ie toddler i would take some small toy or colouring things, something QUIET to keep them occupied whilst they wait for food if necessary, it goes away when the the food is served.

just engage your children, let them read the menu, discuss the options, let them pick out a pudding for afters. just sit and talk and praise them for good behaviour and manners. any bad behaviour is treated the same as at home, a warning and then taken outside, we have had to do this once with ds2?

anyway that probably sounds horrible and smug, but i really think that all children are capable of learning how to eat out and behave, start young and be consistent, thats what a lot of parenting is being consistent and firm, but kind because in the long run it pays off!

Nbu at all this is what I expect of you daughters. I think children are being tight / permitted to,be increasingly selfish and isolated from their families these days. I hate to,see a family sitting talking and child with their head in a DS iPad iPod etc.

People are whingeing about young people being unable to behave at dinner tables yet they themselves are wedded to their mobiles for 'emergencies'.

Isn't it hypocritical to tell young people to let them go if you can't stop checking 'just in case'? How do they learn not to do that?

Either your children are of an age to be sensible or you leave them with minders who have sense to deal with emergencies. In any case they should call you, but only to tell you they've dealt with it and what hospital to go to.

How often does that happen?

It fucks the hell out of me when people of any age check their phones either obvertly or covertly when they're supposed to be spending time with me or anyone else.

Work doesn't cover it. I'm busy too. I can cope. Not many of us are transplant surgeons. I've been out with people monitoring the markets. I don't go out with them any more because they're not worth it and they don't think I am either.

i dont check my phone all the time, i have it in my bag so if it rings i would hear it vibrate and if necessary i would check it and return the call. i do expect my babysitter to deal with emergencies, but i expect them to let me know so i can choose to go home if necessary.

unfortunately dps job means he needs to be available, its in his contract, he hates it as much as i do at time but having a phone in your bag for emergency contact only is NOT the same as having a phone out and sending txt, playing games on it.