to be fuming at my DSis and her sodding wedding?

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

DSis has been looking at venues for her wedding for next year, asking advice and generally being very excited about it all, revving my 3 DDs into an orgy of excitement over being bridesmaids. Fine, no problem, I'm thrilled that she has found the right person and love a nice wedding.

She TEXT me tonight telling me that they have now decided (and have booked) a wedding abroad instead. She'd love us to come. I called her back and calmly asked for details etc, and it turns out we would also be caring for my DN (4) whilst they have a 'honeymoon'.

I am fuming.

1. She TEXT me this information? WTF????
2. Why the hell did she tell my DDs that they would be her BMs if it wasn't all definite?
3. If we did manage to spend our entire holiday budget (and then some), we would be spending our time looking after DN

I wouldn't mind if they change the holiday into their honeymoon and we could all share out childcare between us. They could have a lovely quiet wedding here and an evening party for all their friends. The place they fell in love with here was saying min 50 guests and estimated cost of £11k

God-sorry, but she sounds like a nightmare!

Why did she lose the £300 though-that wasn't a deposit on a room for you, was it?

well yes who pays a deposit for something that is 1 year and half away.
any thing could happen in that time
where people will have to fly
in the uk yes so you get the date you want but aboard no as bride or anyone else could be pg by then and wont be able to fly

as for a baby sitter pay for friend to come out and do that job if you want a honeymoon.

She won't lose the £300 assuming the 3 of them still go. It was just making the point that they had committed to doing the wedding this way before consulting anyone. I knew this would happen, we are all the bad guys because we're not going. Gaaaaaaaaah

Think you were unlucky to be one of the last ones to tell her that you weren't going, so she has had time to stew on it with everyone else pulling out and the realisation that she thought she would have some fab glamorous wedding away with childcare thrown in and suddenly reality is hitting in that she has managed to price out all her family from coming.

However in the grand scheme of weddings, £300 isn't that bad a deposit to lose (or is that just for your family?). It still sounds like it's early and people haven't booked flights or accommodation yet. Is there a reason she chose Cyprus or was it just because she thought she would get a cheap wedding for her there?

Could she not change hr plans back to the uk?

If she is worried about the cost there seem to be quite a few people doing wedding packages on groupon - venue hire and three course meal for 50 and evening party for 100 for £1500 instead of £4000.

It doesn't sound like she had always dreamt of a wedding abroad from what you were saying of her initial searches for places, chances are she got caught up in the price and stories of romantic beach settings, warm sunlight, etc etc and everything fell into place - without looking at the bigger picture of guests being able to afford it and now she is seeing everything shatter.

I would send her a text if she isn't talking to you just to say that you are really sorry as you would love to be at her wedding but that going to Cyprus just isn't feasible for you guys. But that if she has a party when she gets back from Cyprus to celebrate or if she decides to change tje venue back to the uk then you'll be there.

Interesting that she is happy to let you do childcare but not think of asking her partners relatives to do the same.

Well if, you, your parents and very few of her friends have reacted well to the news then hopefully she'll get the message and not just take it out on you!

Why don't you suggest she goes with her fiance and her son (and maybe just their closest friends as witnesses?) for four or five days - quite feasible if it's only Cyprus) and then just have a nice reasonably priced party when she gets home? That way your DDs can still dress up and you can convince them they are bridesmaids.

I agree that is sounds like she more pissed off at having to actually look after her own child for the week!

You dont get the full honeymoon thing when you already have kids, you just dont!

I'm sorry it went badly but you can't just expect family to spend that sort of money on someone elses wedding. Sounds like a week in the same area as your parents could have mean coming to blows tbh!

When she's calmed down can you speak to her about having a lovely party when they get back and that would be happy to contribute to that as her wedding gift? Assuming you can and want to do that of course.

I've texted her with the suggestion that they have Cyprus as their honeymoon and we'll do a few days childcare.

Tell her you'll go to her next one instead.

Bogey, I know, as I said up thread DH and I didn't, we had a lovely weekend and were really grateful we managed that. I do feel a bit sorry for her, she really hadn't considered the idea that we (her family and friends) wouldnt be able to go.

Oh well Least it wasn't just you. Perhaps the point has been made now. Either way, she's going to have to come up with a plan B.

Yes of course she can decide where and how she's going to get married but she has to accept not everyone will be able to go.

Well done, OP. That sounds like a good olive branch to offer while sticking to your decision that you can't all go to Cyprus. I'm hardly surprised that others have also said they are unable to go. She really should have consulted them before paying her deposit.

Her BFF has just texted me back as I asked her how DSis was, slagging me off as 'it's her wedding day' and 'there's plenty of time to save up'. I have politely told her to do one

Oh dear, your Sister really has not thought it through has she? She needs politely telling that she can have her wedding anywhere she chooses, but she does not have the right to be annoyed that nobody will come to it.

Why don't they get married here and then go to Cyprus for honeymoon fgs?

They can still get those cheesy photos on the beach starring at each other, holding hands etc

(FWIW i love Cyprus in April but thats not the point)

Oh x-post. You have suggested this to her plus childcare, i think thats a good offer

I would not be impressed. It puts so much pressure on you as your DC will obviously be disappointed if you don't go. This is really unfair. I would explain to DSIL why it is difficult/completely unappealing for you, and say yo may not go for these reasons. Interesting to hear her back up plans for bridesmaids and childcare...

She is quite stupid if she has not considered that many guests will not be able to go. Is it even possible she didn't think of that? Chances are the thought crossed her mind but she ignored it and hoped the world would revolve around her and the wedding ...

Oh Lordy, snippy text back from sis demanding to know what they would do re wedding and reception. Outright pissy text from her BFF. Ok I am going from :( to

Surely that's her problem op. You have been more than reasonable, now it's time to step back and let her work out what she wants to do!

I would phone her and explain it is up to here where and when she gets married and if you are able to be there you will, however you are not going to get into to debt to attend anyones wedding.

BTW how much did you spend on yours? Presumably less than £3.5k?

I think you've been really decent in offering the olive branch text suggesting she has Cyprus as the honeymoon.

Surely how she arranges a uk wedding is her business not yours, plenty of people manage it! She will hopefully calm down soon and realise what a bridezilla she's being.

The best friend can naff off, and I do worry that she will wind your sister up and delay your sisters realisation that not everybody can drop everything and spend a fortune on a 'holiday' in Cyprus.

If you were feeling really naughty and positively devilish, you could tell her that she could try paying for her own wedding, rather than pushing the bill and the child are onto her family.

Maybe just ignoring her foot stamping would be more diplomatic....