to be fuming at my DSis and her sodding wedding?

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

DSis has been looking at venues for her wedding for next year, asking advice and generally being very excited about it all, revving my 3 DDs into an orgy of excitement over being bridesmaids. Fine, no problem, I'm thrilled that she has found the right person and love a nice wedding.

She TEXT me tonight telling me that they have now decided (and have booked) a wedding abroad instead. She'd love us to come. I called her back and calmly asked for details etc, and it turns out we would also be caring for my DN (4) whilst they have a 'honeymoon'.

I am fuming.

1. She TEXT me this information? WTF????
2. Why the hell did she tell my DDs that they would be her BMs if it wasn't all definite?
3. If we did manage to spend our entire holiday budget (and then some), we would be spending our time looking after DN

I can absoultely understand you not wanting to cast a shadow over your peaceful day, but honestly I think that if your let your DSis continue with her plans without telling her now then things will only get worse. It'sthe difference between,
"I understandthat you're disappointed that we won't be there to babysit your DS but we did tell you straightaway, remember"

and

DSis, "But you let me go on thinking that you'd all be there, you didn't tell me and I've been planning the outfits for your girls" etc etc

Plus, putting it off means that it will hang over you - not a nice feeling.

If she has paid a deposit then you really need to tell her.

I agree that if you aren't going you should tell her now so she can arrange alternative bridesmaids.

Agree - if you want to go, tell her you'll make your own arrangements as £4k is ridiculous.

If you don't want to, tell her that and arrange a princessy day out so your DC can ponce around in frocks being special.

But tell her NOW or the silly woman will book you an overpriced busman's holiday!

I suspect that the OP is trying to block all of this out now so that she can enjoy a peaceful day recovering from her ear infection (ouch!) - I can understand why, but ignoring this is not going to help - the oppostive, in fact.

Gah sorry for typos

I rather like oppostive

MsInga not wanting to cast further gloom but of course once you have politely backed out of the wedding there will be the extravagent hen/stag weekends, and the wedding list..

I would be looking at a year long sabbatical up the Amazon if I were you!

Tell her quickly, otherwise she could be putting in place a whole load of plans, and taking your silence on this as acquiescence.

Ok we've had lunch, will put DS down for him nap and then I'll call her.

Oh god the hen weekend, it will be awful and I'll feel even more obliged as we're not going to the wedding

I think YANBU. (apart from the TEXT thing. )

If people want to get married abroad that's fine but they really should run it by the important friends and family first if they absolutely want them to be there, and not just make assumptions that everyone will be willing or able to spend that amount of time and money to go to their wedding.

I wouldn't personally be so bothered about the wedding replacing a family holiday - she is your sister! Also you could do it far cheaper than £4k.

IMO it's one of these situations where she is being U, but you'd not be any better by not going - cut her a bit of slack, she's your sister after all and you must know what she's like! Not the end of the universe to go somewhere different on holiday for the benefit of your sis, surely?

So yes she is U but sometimes people we love are U.

How did it go - hope you got your point across calmly and stuck to your guns.

Oh bloody hell, that was awful :( Before I even told her she was ranting that our parents and none of her friends can go. BIL has offered to pay for accommodation for everyone, but that will mean us sharing a villa with my parents which she knows is not feasible for so many reasons.

She is angry and upset that no one from her side can go and that they have changed their booking to a family room and that they won't have a honeymoon or wedding night now.

She was really arsey and said, I assume you aren't coming either. I replied back that we would love to but it's just not possible. She put the phone down on me :(

I was very restrained and didn't say that if she was that bothered she should have checked before they booked it. They have paid a £300 deposit.

Sorry MsInga, not nice for you - but as you said, she should have looked into all of this first.

Tough lesson for her - if she's got any sense she'll learn from it.

IMO if you get married post children you can't expect wedding night or posh honeymoon. We married post children and didn't get either but still had an amazing day as a family experience!

If you get married abroad you have to expect some people to just not be able to do it.

MASSIVE bride zilla!

Oh Inga, this is the problem though with getting married abroad. Here it is a night or two in a hotel/B&B but abroad is so much more expensive and unless they can deal with the fact that people cannot go then they shouldn't get married abroad in the first place.

I hope you called OP.

Cyprus in April won't be that great, certainly not 4K+ (once including excursions etc.) great.

Well quite, when DH and I got married we had 3 DC between us, we were lucky that their other parents had them that weekend anyway so we had a couple of days in the Cotswolds. It was lovely. I think the issue might be that BIL hasn't got DC and also his family have more money than ours so the expectation that we will go is perhaps more from him than her.

Oh bugger this is going to be awful for ages.

Yanbu

She should've checked who could go before booking instead of throwing a hissy fit because no one can go.

I love Cyprus but not 4k worth, definitely not in April and even more definitely not with people I don't know/like.

Hopefully she'll calm down and realise that she is being foolish soon - I think it helps that so many others have said they can't afford it, proves how unrealistic her expectations were.

We got married after we had DD, a relative babysat for the night and we had her back by lunchtime!

How many families could afford to spend a few grand to be guests at a wedding abroad? Not many I'd wager!! Especially in your situation where you know you will be lumbered with childcare duties and no escape from your dad who you have no contact with. YANBU.

It may be hard for her that hardly anyone has said they'll go but on the the hand it sounds like she has had a pretty united front saying 'sorry but no can do' - showing she is expecting too much from everyone.

She can throw as many hissy fits as she wants. They chose to get married abroad. They choose to put down the deposit without checking anyone would want/be able to go.

And reading between the lines she less upset that you can't afford to go, but more about the fact they have to look after their own child.