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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

447 replies

lunaticow · 09/02/2012 12:05

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 09/02/2012 12:06

My DS is very bright though.

StrandedBear · 09/02/2012 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustHecate · 09/02/2012 12:12

It's a very odd thing that there appears to be something wrong with positives.

to talk about your child's problems is ok. To say that they are doing well is not
To talk about your child's sen or ld is ok. To say they are 'gifted' is not
to talk about how you have no money is ok. To talk about having it is not
To talk about your shit relationship is ok. To say you are happy and in love is not

I am not sure whether this is because people only want to hear the misery of others, or because anything good in your life is somehow insensitive or insulting or what it is, but I think it's wrong.

It would be nice if we could be happy for others. I've got no money. My kids have autism and my marriage is a weird one. If there's someone out there with pots of cash, children with no difficulties whatsoever and a marriage made in heaven then good for them! I'm chuffed for them.

I dunno. I'm waffling and no doubt not being very clear. I just think it would be nice if we could share the good things in our lives the same as the bad without people thinking we have no right to talk about our happinesses.

Although it does have to be relevent. So if you are saying that you have seen a conversation where someone has said "What shall I have for tea tonight" and the reply has been "Well, my children are very bright, so I think you should have chips", then YANBU Grin

nenevomito · 09/02/2012 12:12

It can be hard to hear when yours aren't.

Greythorne · 09/02/2012 12:13

I just say 'my DD is clever' which cuts out the stealth boasty bit

SoupDragon · 09/02/2012 12:13

"clever enough" = average.

Stop being jealous and shut up.

mrspepperpotty · 09/02/2012 12:15

My DS is very bright too! What a coincidence RM and SB...

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 09/02/2012 12:15

You sound very jealous.

I will describe ds as bright when it is relevant to the converstaion, and if that pisses someone else off then it is likely to be because of some issue they have rather than what I have said.

You wouldn't complain about someone saying their child was good at football, or karate or ballet.

Having very bright children comes with its own set of problems that parents should not be afraid to talk about.

YABVU

Bramshott · 09/02/2012 12:16

I find it irritating that in certain circles it's almost obligatory to describe your DC as "very bright". If all these kids are "very bright", what about the average ones (like my DD)?

Original poster
lunaticow · 09/02/2012 12:16

I like JustHecate's answer :)

OP posts:
Original poster
lunaticow · 09/02/2012 12:17

and Bramshott's :)

OP posts:
Ciske · 09/02/2012 12:18

I don't think many people would describe their children as anything else but 'very bright'. It's right up there with 'cute', 'sweet' and 'he looks just like his father'. Even if all evidence is to the contrary, you wouldn't mention it. It's nice when parents are proud of their children anyway.

stealthsquiggle · 09/02/2012 12:22

So what do you want me to say? DS, in particular, is very bright. He is also crap at football, probably the slowest runner in the year, and prone to spectacularly losing his temper. Am I allowed to mention the last 3 when relevant, but not the first - and if so, why, exactly?

FWIW, if you want definitions, he is in the top 3 of the top class in every subject inspite of being moved up a year. "very bright" seems more succinct to me.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 09/02/2012 12:24

The average ones academically will excel at something else Bramshott.

And you will be allowed to talk about it and have people be pleased for you, and sympathise with you when that thing costs you money or whatever. Those of us that dare to have very bright children get made to feel like we are boasting all the time, when actually all we want to do is be proud of our kids talents in the same way anyone would.b

NotnOtter · 09/02/2012 12:24

All of mine are bright sparks - some not classically so... There have to be bright ones as well as not so

My eldest son was a quiet unassuming boy but very bright and academic. I always remember being puce at a sports day when he came penultimate last in a 1500 metres and waved madly at me!! Sporty people get to show off their prowess ...

When people ask me where ds is at university I am bloody proud - he IS bright!!

Hairynigel · 09/02/2012 12:26

YABU. You sound like you're jealous

W0rmy · 09/02/2012 12:27

My DSs are so bright I have to wear shades Wink I polish them daily so they are very shiny too.

What I don't get is this 'top of the class' thing, when and how to you get to know how your child is doing compared to his/her peers? My boys' school would never dream of letting on to a parent that one child is more advanced than another in the class. the secretive bastards

MarieLloyd · 09/02/2012 12:27

YABU. Some kids are very bright.

Kayano · 09/02/2012 12:28

As opposed to a bit dim and dull. It's not the best phrase tbf

stealthsquiggle · 09/02/2012 12:28

Wormy - DS's termly reports include position in class (exam and whole term) for every subject - hence my certainty.

TheLightPassenger · 09/02/2012 12:28

yabu. It's a parent's job imo to be your child's greatest fan, and recognise their talents, whether they are Mario Kart, maths, woodwork, football or kindness.

MainlyMaynie · 09/02/2012 12:28

I think there's more wrong with a parent who doesn't think their child is very bright. It's so amazing watching children learn new things, who wouldn't think they're brilliant?

WorraLiberty · 09/02/2012 12:28

I'd be more concerned if they described their kids as thick as pig shit really.

Being 'bright' can cover a whole multitude of things...not just school work.

Really most people are just looking for the good in their kids when they say that, and that's not a bad thing imo.

Much better than apathy.

TheLightPassenger · 09/02/2012 12:30

completely agree Worra.

W0rmy · 09/02/2012 12:31

Interesting stealth - perhaps it's their age they are both still at infant school, - maybe the competition will really be on when they get to junior school Grin