to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

[lunaticow]

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

Huntycat The key words are 'if asked'.

What irritates me, and probably others, are parents who can't discuss any child-related subject without introducing the fact that their child did x at an earlier age or is y years above the national average.

As for SN kids, my SIL has one. Nice woman, nice kid BUT she just won't stop telling people how clever he is. I accept that as parents you are proud of the efforts they have made but to people who aren't the parents or grandparents of the SN, its like mums who insist on telling us about their baby's 'cute' potty training stories.

hmmmm...my severly dyslexic ds1 had his life made a misery by "v bright" children at his old school who delighted in telling him he was "slow" and "thick"

I am sure they were "v bright" but they were also ignorant little shits.

HTH

(one particularly awful child told everyone within hearing distance that ds1 was "on the thick table" whilst her mother smiled benignly......)

pushydad Your comments re: SN are ignorant and vile. Your SIL "has one"???? WTF????

When an SN kid walks without falling over its a cause for fucking celebration, ok?

Fucking hell PushyDad.

What about the reference to other kids as 'ignorant little shits'? Different levels of what's acceptable, perhaps?

PushyDad was referring to his nephew, no? He's got his own experience of an SN child, which obviously may be different to others' experiences.

It's a sensitive subject and one that obviously makes some people defensive but that doesn't mean that nobody else has the right to comment on a situation.

Parents who boast about their kids irritate me. It makes no diference to me if the kid is a genius, just average or SN.

I would never make fun of a SN. There is nothing in my post that makes fun of a SN kid. I accept that a mum with a SN kid will be more sensitive on the issue but I lost any sympathy for the mom when she went into auto attack mode.

To be fair, pushydad was talking about the parent, not the child. I think we're also partly talking about 'kid bores' here as much as anything else, aren't we?

HuntyCat I just don't know that that level of detail is required. This is partly what the thread is about.

Becarooo that's awful but I think that's a function of an educational setup where childrens' abilities are polarised and lots of emphasis is put on where children are in the class. I must say I'm glad about the fact that I don't get any information from school about where my children are in class, which means it's not overly emphasised to them in school either. My ds has mentioned boys who get help with their reading but he's v respectful of/talks much more about the strong points those boys have, be it art, sport, music etc. Without adult interference, kids are more likely to see things in an unbiassed way in my opinion.

My kids are all totally amazing and I defy anyone to say they're not! DD talked at 8 months and was making sentences at 15 months, then went to selective school a year early, did GCSEs and A levels a year early, and went to uni a year early, and is now a primary teacher teaching abused children in a residential school. She's also drop dead gorgeous, but was rubbish at sport, and just CANNOT sing a correct note, like me.
DS1 is just plain wonderful. DS2 has aspergers and an IQ of 150+, and had a government assisted place at age 7. DS3's teachers said he was the brightest in his school, so we HE him as he was not being stretched. He HATES football and is a bit of a chubby boy. He can sing, but won't. School put him off.
Whatever they do with their lives, they are always going to be perfect in my eyes.

What if you have other people incl teachers calling your children 'very bright'? We get that a lot but we're dealing with bringing up the whole people and insatiable curiosity is only one aspect of that, so we don't see it really.

I never describe my kids as very bright but I make a big fuss when they work hard. I was described as very bright as a child and I haven't achieved very much compared to my less bright brother who worked hard...there's another thread about this somewhere.

To make it worst, my nephew looks older than his age. So instead of a 7yr old who talks like a 5 yr old, to the outside world he is a 9yr that talks like a 5yr old.

Luckily, kids and parents are not horrid to him, at least not to his face.

But this doesn't stop me from finding the mum's constant boasting irritating. Having a SN kid doesn't get you a free pass, at least not with me.

'I would never make fun of a SN'. 'I accept that as parents you are proud of the efforts they have made but to people who aren't the parents or grandparents of the SN'. A CHILD IS NOT THEIR SN. THEY ARE A PERSON FIRST AND FOREMOST. AND EVEN CHILDREN WITH SN'S (note, children with SN's, NOT 'a SN') HAVE SKILLS TOO!

Sorry for the shouting, but that way of talking about a dc with SN makes me . WHY do some people insist on devaluing the child by reducing them to their SN as if that is the sum total of who they are, and that the SN's they have defines who they are?

'When an SN kid walks without falling over its a cause for huge celebration, ok?'. I have changed just one word of this sentence, which reflects how I feel.

When my DD learnt to tie her shoelaces at 12yo, I was BEAMING with pride, and shouting it from the rooftops. Why SHOULDN'T I be proud of her acheivements, AND tell other people about them? I am happy to hear of other people's dc's acheivements too. What is so wrong with people being PROUD of their dc and what they can do?

As I say to my dc: "EVERYBODY is good at SOMETHING, but NOBODY can be good at EVERYTHING. Work to your strengths while accepting your weaknesses".

Oh that's very unfair, Huntycat... some parents of SN children that I know, refer to SN's, Aspies, etc. rather than children with SN. Is it derogatory when they say it? No, it isn't. Talk of 'devaluing a child' is just ridiculous. You know when something's meant in 'spite' and when it isn't, surely?

I think that stipulating the terms that people can and can't use just alienates people from understanding or taking any interest at all.

I am not jealous of my friend because her DD has just been accepted into a National Youth Orchestra - I am PROUD of her DD. I wouldn't be jealous just because my dc are, erm, notoriously UNmusical. It's just that MY dc's talents lie in other areas. Equally, my friend isn't jealous of my DS1 being accepted into MENSA - she is PROUD of him. She wouldn't be jealous just because her dc are NOT members of MENSA. It's just that HER dc's talents lie in other areas.

WHY do we have to hide our dc's acheivements under a bushel, rather than ALL of us singing them from the rooftops? If it wasn't for the differences in abilities in different areas, life would be very boring, with no exceptional artists, no great mathematicians, no new scientific discoveries, no more excellent theatre plays, no more music, no more Olympic gold medals, because everybody would be equally able in ALL areas. That just ISN'T real life - so why CAN'T all acheivements be equally celebrated?

I'm GLAD most people I know in RL aren't like this!

That's because she's your friend and that's RL... not here.

Lying - maybe that comes from being an adult with disabilities as WELL as having dc's with SN's. Aspie is slightly different, according to my Dbro (who HAS Aspergers). It is obviously dependant on the person's feelings - but I personally get with someone saying 'a SN' or 'the parents or grandparents of the SN' - for a start, how can you be a parent OF a medical problem?!

If it was put as 'the parents or grandparents of the dc with an SN', I wouldn't personally find it at all offensive. Small grammatical change, BIG difference in meaning and intent IMO.

Because not everyone wants to hear the gory details. Keep it short and simple. I regularly sing from the rooftops and my dc know that... but just to them usually, or people close to us, that's sufficient. Other people don't need to know the gories...

I think you're confusing achievements being celebrated with being boring/boasting. Not the same thing.

Mental note not to ask PushyDad's advice about nurturing empathy.

Hunty... the inferences seem vast and it's just so easy to offend. I don't know about you but I generally know when somebody is meaning to offend rather than 'stumbling around'. Somebody meaning to be offensive can use the perfectly correct term and still cut like a knife.

I really think that unless there is a general, accepted term then some latitude should be applied. I have a friend with Aspergers; she would be furious to be referred to as an 'Aspie'. It really is different strokes for different folks. I agree with you about 'an SN', it's missing a word, ie. child or adult or person or somesuch, but it's not intended to be offensive, surely, even if it's unfinished.

hunty Absolutely!!! Thanks for saying that. I get v v upset when people use the term "SN" to desrcribe a child...like that is all they are

(and yes, some kids are ignorant little shits, as are their parents - just go onto the MN SN boards and read some of the things people say about children who have sen/sn if you dont believe me!)

I dont get involved with boasting parents...its great when parents are proud of their kids and I am sure many many parents 9including me) have good reason to be proud but being boastful (about anything) is not a good personality trait IMO.

schobe

But I still don't get the need to broadcast anything about your child. I applaud mine when they do well. They get hearty congrats from me and relatives but beyond that, I don't see people being interested nor would I want my dcs to get big heads.

Plus it's dull for other people.

Wondering how much the practice of identifying ability groups within the classroom, separate tables, etc., contributes to the nastiness among children and the significance attached by parents to how 'bright' their children are. I believe it is really harmful to children to be allocated any particular slot in the pecking order while they are still forming a sense of identity.