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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

447 replies

lunaticow · 09/02/2012 12:05

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 09/02/2012 12:33

Meh... some DCs are very bright and some are real dafties so you'll have some parents speaking the truth and some parents who are overcompensating for the fact that their DCs are a bit goofy :)

I know someone who thinks she is really thick and that her husband and DS are a bit too. Conversely, she thinks her DD is an absolute genius when in fact she's very average - lovely little girl, mind. Noone in that family is actually remotely thick - but there is some wierd perceptions and insecurities going on.

Remember - people aren't saying their kids are bright out of badness, theres all sorts going on, don't let it irritate you, people do things to fulfill their needs on some level. If you don't need to do that just be glad you are confident and realistic!

Shanghaidiva · 09/02/2012 12:35

My son in very bright - he is top of the class in all subjects. Just thought I should clarify the definition for you Grin

bibbitybobbityhat · 09/02/2012 12:35

My dd is in the top one or two in her class in all subjects. Does that qualify as very bright?

MateyMooo · 09/02/2012 12:36

according to her my sisters kids are very bright but all other relatives kids are fat.

however in reality.... her kids are fat...

My dd is neither fat or stupid, but we live 300 miles away, so she can say what she likes with noone to correct her.

i think that she is sad and insecure... love her though- she is my sis

LifeIsButtercream · 09/02/2012 12:36

I like to say that my DD is too clever for me - that way I can big her up AND put myself down at the same time, it takes the edge off! Grin

stealthsquiggle · 09/02/2012 12:37

I think it's more the school, TBH, W0rmy - independent prep. DD's YR teacher was also quite happy to tell me that she was "at the top" of her class, although I don't think they actually write it down until Y4 Grin. A few parents have directly asked me where DS is and I have airily said I don't know as I think it is no-one's business (in RL) but the parents and the child's, but the DC all know.

RnB · 09/02/2012 12:37

great post JustHecate

LunaticFringe · 09/02/2012 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 09/02/2012 12:39

My dc are very bright but I don't necessarily use it to mean academically bright. Ds1 is bright academically but his older sister although by no means struggling doesn't find it as easy as he does but is very very intuitive about others needs and feelings. Both very bright in their own way but totally different set of skills and I'm very proud to say both are very bright. Grin

hiddenhome · 09/02/2012 12:39

ds1 is 'very bright', but he's neurotic and eats too much
ds1 is 'very bright', but he has red hair

Grin
gramercy · 09/02/2012 12:42

It is well known that every single dc of every single MNetter is very bright .

I sometimes wonder what the carnage would be like if all the dcs were sat in a room and given a "brightness" test. It is inescapable that someone's dc would come top. (And that would be mine Wink )

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2012 12:43

How about if your child is 'very bright' not mentioning it? Perhaps nobody is interested? Problem solved. Wink

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 09/02/2012 12:43

I think what the OP is getting at is that surely the amount of kids described as being very bright can't be true, as otherwise we would have a nation of Einsteins.

I find that the parents of truly bright children don't feel the need to brag about it and that others can see for themselves that their child really is clever.

Asinine · 09/02/2012 12:43

I dont go about saying they're bright but other people do. My friends know our dcs are bright as their dcs tell them. Our school doesnt have class places but they have tests and grades, ad the children work out who's at the top.

Often if I'm having coffee with friends and they start discussing their preteen dcs who are refusing to put effort in with homework or are struggling with maths or English, I keep quiet as I'm aware that it is social suicide to admit having bright or well behaved dcs. But then they turn to me and say, 'x is very bright, isn't he, I bet he/she doesn't have a problem with y...'

I just don't join in, then they will all talk about all the sporty or drama stuff their dcs are brilliant at, and I can happily join in to say mine are all crap at that.

Hecate is right.

ouryve · 09/02/2012 12:44

My DS is scarily bright. I'll no more pretend that he isn't than I'll pretend that he doesn't leave me wanting to tear my hair out on a regular basis.

Asinine · 09/02/2012 12:46

Xpost, but may have proved hexagonals point...

wordfactory · 09/02/2012 12:49

Thing is the demographic of MN is very middle class which is one of the main indicators of how well DC will do at school.
MNers are also typically well educated and the educational status of the mother is the highest indicator of how DC will perfrom academically.

So...the chances are that MNers DC will be statistically academically successful.

I do think it's pretty daft in the very early years for parents to convince themselves that there DC are exceptional, but as DC get older, specifically at secondary level when there are enough students for a proper comparison it does become clear who are the bright kids.

I also think it's fine to mention the fact that your DC are bright in context. Obvioulsy, it's a bit sick making when parents manage to mention it in every conversation. But I don't think it need be avoided.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 09/02/2012 12:51

I am the same as you Asinine. DD2 has been described by her teacher as exceptionally bright and gifted, but I can't remember ever saying anything to anyone other than family about it. It's obvious from speaking to her that she is bright, and other parents do comment to me about it. I love all my DC regardless of their abilities and I don't feel the need to constantly talk about it all the time.

Sparklingbrook · 09/02/2012 12:54

It is another reason I am glad I have left the school gates chit-chat/boasting behind. Started in Reception with 'little Jimmy can already write his name read a book' etc and carried on all through til Year 4. Angry DS2 in Year5 and DS1 at High School now, boasty parents a thing of the past. Bliss. Grin

witchwithallthetrimmings · 09/02/2012 12:55

I think it is because you just would not talk to your friends at the school gate about the fact that your dc is not being stimulated enough, the only place you can do it is here

BelleDameSansMerci · 09/02/2012 12:56

I tend to say (only if asked) that DD is very bright but she is not showing any signs of being exceptional.

She is bright - she's also lazy, cheeky, too confident and argumentative. Just like her mother...

sunshineandbooks · 09/02/2012 12:59

If a parent can't think the sun shines out of their child's backside, who can? I can accept it may be irritating but after seeing kids who have received little or no positive affirmation of anything from their parents, I'd rather see a 'precious' parent any day.

mojitomania · 09/02/2012 12:59

My DS is as bright as a ..... lightbulb Grin

CamperFan · 09/02/2012 13:00

People tell me my DS1 (5) is "very bright". What am I supposed to say "oh no, he's not, he's rubbish at XYZ"?

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames · 09/02/2012 13:00

Like a large amount MN demographic DH I have done well academically and had DCs with a man with similar achievements which gives our DC a head start I guess. However they are bright - but what will get them on in life is their ability apply themselves.

DD1 is top group just so in top 5 brightest of 30, but not sure where the local area would place nationally, but it her confidence not ability that holds her back from being even better. Does that help OP?

IMO what is worse to hear is the large number of parents round here who constantly find fault and put their DCs down. They clearly love their DCs some of who are bright. Honestly some days it all I can do not to slap some sense into them.