to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

[lunaticow]

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

When I go out with DS1's friends' Mums, how they are getting on at High School academically never even comes up in conversation any more.

There have been great responses to my post. Thanks!

I wrote it in a bit of an over the top way because I wanted to get responses but of course, it is true that the said claim irritates me a lot. Hexagonal sums up my opinion.

I always praise my children for their talents but I just don't feel the need to tell others about them. If they are good at something, they get noticed anyway. If they are bad at something, that gets noticed too.

It all becomes apparent in the end.

NOTNOTTER, well I have to ask now, where does your son go to Uni? :)

My DS1 is fantastically, exceptionally, bright. He school years up to age 13 or 14 were hell, gradually improved as school got more interesting, as is now at a world class Uni surrounded by similarly very bright young people (and feeling academically at home for the first time ever).

There is a huge amount of prejudice against being clever/academic in this country. I quickly learnt not to talk about the very real problems DS was having at school due to his needs not being met (only discussed with a couple of close friends), however it was perfectly acceptable for other gifted pupils parents to discuss at great length the special tennis tutoing/football prize/art award their kids achieved.

This isn't going to be discussed on The Wright Stuff tomorrow morning is it lunaticow?

I suggest that some of you may like to wander over to the Education threads and take a look at what happens to kids labelled "clever". Those kids who were always effortlessly top of the class can suddenly wilt as teenagers as they haven't the faintest idea how to work and trying - let alone trying hard - is admitting failure. Tortoises are plodding past the hares who have got some strange notion that so-called "clever" people can pass exams without ever opening a book. [personal experience emoticon!]

Oops, clicked too soon, anyway, when people do call my DS1 "very bright", I am trying to get out of that automatic negative response of, "yes, but he does this or that", and just accept that yes, he is and it's OK for my friends to notice. It's similar to when someone says you have a nice outfit; my automatic response is "Oh, this was £4 from Primark...", rather than simply saying thank you. As, women are always so quick to put ourselves down. Or maybe it's just me!

Sparklingbrook No idea. I'll record it if it is

Gosh! So many posters with 'bright' children! What are the chances?

I'm with you OP.

I now think every poster is a MW researcher lunaticow.

I would add to the OP my irritation with parents who describe their children as "very bright" and then add that that's why they went private .

Someone actually said to me "I'm sure your dc's school is very nice; I hear the pastoral care is excellent , but my dd is terribly academic . "

Arf.

I'm with whoever said every parent will say their child is bright. I've never met a parent who doesn't think that, even while talking about struggling in a particular academic area.

Brightness is def not the be all and end all anyway (to success in life or even success in exams). My son is bright but not interested academically and will be unlikely to acheive his potential in this area, however he is extremely charismatic and this is what will help him in life. My daughter is less naturally bright and def not as charismatic but she is SO determined and hard working, and this is what will help her in life.

There is more to life and success than being top of the class.

I say my DS is very bright although he's SN, in a special school and has ASD and GDD.

So?

I find it uncomfortable when others try to talk to me about how clever/bright my DD is. She is nearly 3 and whilst I think she is very clever and ahead of her peers I would never say anything to anyone else. But others say to me things like 'isn't your DD so clever, she can do X, Y and Z'. What do I say? Its impossible to reply without sounding smug.

Thing is, a good friend had a 'very bright' son and spent the first 4 years telling everyone how bright he was - generally getting up everyones nose about it. But whilst he was ahead of all his peers in his early years, by the time he started school his peers had caught him up and he wasn't different anymore. She still clings onto the 'he is so bright' thing, but really now he doesn't stand out as gifted or anything, she finds it really hard, like part of his identity was that he was 'the bright one' and now he is average.

Can you be my friend Hecate?

I can't understand why society can't bear certain things. It's so odd. If someone came in saying 'yes he is good a footy isn't he. Actually Man U jnr squad have signed him' no one would take it as a personal affront against their own 2 footed child, would they? They'd be dead excited and ask for the gossip on what goes on

My child is very bright. What can I do about it? Deny it? Not talk about it?

I need to talk about it! I need advice from people who have had to deal with issues at school or get extra help or put special plans in place. people who have IEP's and SENCO's and all these things I know nothing at all about. I need advice from the parents of other odd shaped peg children who don't fit in the state education round hole. In exchange I will listen and sympathise and give out any advice I can. Sometimes it's nice to have some positive news too, 'I heard littleworried read at school today, gosh she was good'. That's a nice thing to hear.

Surely called friendship and helping each other out?

S'not my fault!

I agree with you CamperFan.

Couldn't agree more with Oggy, what leads to success later in life isn't necessarily being top of the class.

I read posts from parents who go on about how their child is really bright and then the parent goes on to say that DC is predicted 5 or 6 GCSEs at B or C for example. Errmm... mine are predicted A* or A for his AND he isn't especially bright COMPARED to some of the kids in his year.

When people ask me about mine I say that they are reasonably intelligent. I certainly wouldn't go around telling/posting people that my DCs are really bright coz a) its boasting and b) there are other DCs that are much brighter than mine.

Does anyone really care about other people's children and their academic abilities? I know I don't, I just care about my own two, and don't discuss it.

I try not to say DD1 is "very bright" but that she seems quite strong academically so far (she's only 6 - there's time yet!) I never tell her she is clever but praise her for working hard and trying her best. I think for most kids there is no such thing as fixed ability. Also that there are many different types of intelligence. Being good at school work is only one type.

Pushy Its all relative isn't it? I got straight A*'s at GCSE and whilst I was clever I wasn't special or anything. When I got to uni, doing Theoretical Physics I was with some amazingly gifted people and I realised that extremely gifted people are few and far between. What most of us think of as 'gifted' is really just above average.

Sparklingbrook - I care in so much as people can be lonely with their worries and have no one to talk to about this stuff. Me and a few school mums will often have a real good chin wag about how our kids are doing and potential problems and what we've tried and what worked and what didn't. So yes, I def care how their kids are getting on and would help out if possible.

Sparklingbrook, I was going to say the same thing myself. I really don't care about the academic abilities of other children. When my DDs were in reception there was all the hoo-haa of "What reading book is little X on, oh mine is on this one", and people getting het up that someone else's child had taken a list of words home before theirs did.

Nothing wrong with the word 'bright'- most kids are bright in one way or another. Now parents who say their kids are 'so advanced for their age", they're the ones I want to thump.

I feel a bit selfish now worried. I think it was the 8 years of boasty Mums at the school gates that did it. One would insist on opening her DS's school report and reading it to me. My DS was ten months younger than hers-it was torture.

I was always told all the time that I was very clever when I was very young, which created an expectation in me that I should be able to do everything easily . So when I started to find things harder I wasn't interested or got upset about it. Also as I was expected just to quietly get on with things I wasn't very good at asking for help. I would really advise people not to describe their kids either as bright, clever or indeed slow or thick!

Was going to write the same worriedsilly

And I also agree Hexagonal in that I wouldn't worry about reading books and word lists. But then, I don't know anyone else in RL who does either tbh.