to really hate parents describing their kids as "very bright"

[lunaticow]

It really gets on my nerves. I mean, how bright is "very bright" is it in the top half of the class, or the top kid in the class? Just how many kids are so "very bright". My kids are clever enough but I'd never go around posting that they are "very bright".
These parents seem to think it is relevant to everything that their kids are "very bright"?
How smug. Stop boasting and shut up!

My daughter is the most beautiful, smartest, funniest, cleverest and endearing child that ever existed. You can parade all your other kids but they will never hold a candle to her.

As her mother of course I think she's the best child that was ever born. That's my job

OP I understand what you are saying. Especially pre-school, every child I know is described by their parents as 'very bright' or 'advanced'.
They mostly look very average to me.

Some kids are really intelligent/gifted but not nearly as many as are diagnosed as 'really bright' by their parents.

I suppose its the same thing that makes parentys describe their kids are beautiful - they really believe it too. I seem to be lacking the gene where you see your kids through some kind of filter.

My kids are average in every way (as are their parents).

I usually say ds1 is very bright, ds2 has sn and learning difficulties and DD is really average.

Why does anyone need to classify their kids at all in conversation? People are just too fond of putting other people into 'boxes' ...

Anyway EQ wins out for me every single time... Give me all round pleasant polite average-to-not-bright kid any day of the week

Well I am going to go against the grain and say mine are not super bright. They are normal kids who are happy and that makes me happy.

After all there has to be someone who doesn't get 18 A*'s - that'll be mine, since clearly everyone else's kids do.

It is well known that every single dc of every single MNetter is very bright

Similarly, it is well known that every single MNetter is not an unreasonable person. They are wonderful people who aren't being fully appreciated by DP, MIL, school teachers or strangers on the train :o

With the bright thing, I do wonder whether because children are such sponges and learn so incredibly quickly compared to adults that even the most average learning curve seems spectacular to an adult so we are constantly amazed by the new things our children are able to do, so although it might be normal for their age, it seems incredible to us, especially if we don't have other children to compare against (which will often be true in the case of PFBs)

Ds (6) is called "very bright" by some people. Not me becasue I equate "very bright" with academically very able without much effort. And he isn't, he is engaging and chatty and talks to adults nicely which pulls the wool over their eyes about just how very average academically he is!

On the other hand his after school tennis coach took me aside yesterday to tell me how exceptional his tennis is and how I should sign him up with a proper tennis club. And I'm too scared to tell anyone except my mum because its not OK to tell anyone your child is good at anything.

I think its sad that I feel I can't say it to anyone - I'm chuffed he's good at something - no idea if he is Andy Murray good or just run of the mill better than average kinda good but still when I'm talking to grown-ups I expect them to be able to be able to be pleased that any child has any skill or ability.

which is kinda what Hecate said about two pages ago!

"I shrug and look baffled when asked about my dc. It covers most situations"

Yes - me too. I am sure all the alpha mums think I don't care. They can add it to their list of things to judge me about.

what about sayign your dc is doing well at school, is that ok?

I think parents often see there children as 'very bright' because they don't have day to day contact with many children and therefore don't realise their childrens amazing accomplishments are actually pretty normal and mainstream.

Personally, I wouldn't take 'brightness' at primary age as an indicator of any great significace. It is when they get to secondary and start having to study for exams it becomes clear who the most academically able really are.

What Kayano said.

Oh and gramercy

I think some people confuse "bright" with acheiving level 5s in Y3 and whatnot. Clearly plenty of children who do well in tests are perfectly bright. But I'm sure a fair few are as dull as ditchwater.

My ds is as bright as a button, of course.

helltotheno

Did you not read the bit I wrote immediately above the bit you chose to quote - the bit about only referring to them thus when it is relevant to a conversation on here?

I don't buy that all parents claim their kids are bright.

I have one that is bright, one that is quite bright, but autistic and disabled, one that is thick as two short plants and one that is average.

The bright one is also a little shit who has alienated all his friends, and the thick one is helpful, kind hearted and generous.

Of course I'm going to tell people about my children, there are a huge part of my life. I wouldn't call it pigeon holeing neither - it's a description of who they are! Being their mother, I love them for who they are and I'm not boasting all disparaging of them, simply enjoying their differences.

I dont think you can classify brightness on school achievements neither. My ASD one struggles at school, because they are unable to get through to the way his brain works. the least bright one scores average grades but has the common sense and general knowledge of a gnat.

My SiL pontificates about the gleaming brightness and extreeemly well behavedness and top of the classness of my DN and DNephew whenever she gets a chance. All the other mothers dislike her and as a consequence my DN and DN are not popular as a result.

It feels like the other mothers are really glad when my DN and DNw fail at something just because it takes my SiL down a peg or two. It is so unfair for the children and I really wish she would not do it.

I was at a children's music event and this mum was going on about how really proud she was of her DC and how she was advanced musically for her age. What grade is she, I politely asked? Grade 4. Mine were Grade 6 at the time so when she asked about mine I murmured something about how they hadn't taken any exams in recent years.

The mum seemed like a really nice person who was genuinely proud of her DD as opposed to some boastful mum, so it would have been mean to have squashed her enthusiasm

Its the boastful mums that narks me as opposed to the proud ones.

The trouble is that people put value judgements on intelligence, so 'bright' is good, and below average is 'bad'. School encourages this. Other descriptors are more neutral, like tall, musical, sporty. People take less umbrage if another dc is described as musical, as we have not been conditioned to think 'unmusical' people are 'bad'.

Would anyone be if an adult friend described themselves as being tall or sporty? How about 'bright'...

If you want to see some proper boasty parents get yourselves involved in Junior Footy. G&T footballers or so the parents think.

Ok I have decided it is a statistics thing:

1. Bright parent + bright kids = "my kids are bright" (true)
2. Thick parent + bright kids = "my kids are bright" (true)
3. Thick parent + thick kids = "my kids are bright" (misguided)
4. Bright parents + thick kids = "my kids are thick" (true)

Therefore 75% of people say their kids are bright. QED

I haven't read all the responses but I actually don't think my son is especially bright. He might do better if he could sit still for longer than a minute but I suspect he is about average.
I don't mind other people describing their children as very bright if they are basing it on something or it ie relevant to converasation. It does annoy me when people try and out do each other though with what their child can do. We have friends with a DD the same age as our DS. We don't see them often but on the phone they would describe DD, aged two, as phenomenal, brilliant and very bright. When we saw them there was no difference between her and our DS. Neither are stupid but I doubt either are geniuses.
It also annoys me when people say it about tiny babies. How can you tell?!

So I suppose it aggregates me if it is done in a showy off sort of way but I don't mind someone telling me their child is very bright if they are, um, well, very bright.

My dd IS EXTREMELY bright, today she's wearing lime green cords & a practically fluorescent tshirt. I practically need sunglasses.

She's dead clever too :)

Well I have one who is the proverbial two planks academically - but articulate, polite, able to talk to adults, bags of common sense and a great judge of character. And one who is much more academically able (above average) who is polite but much less articulate and less confident and is in fact away with the fairies most of the time

I adore and am proud of them both - but on balance I am prouder of the two planks one because she works her arse off to achieve what she does achieve, even though she KNOWS she will not achieve results as easily as those who are more academically able. Meanwhile the lily of the field just wafts about!!

But I wouldnt describe either of them as "bright", I'm far more likely to talk about something funny they have done or said than what their school work is like. And as for sport/dance/etc forget it!! What is commonly known and recognised as 'talent' is pretty well hidden under a bushel for my 2!!

I think YANBU OP.

I also find it a bit cringe making when an acquaintance of mine refers to her son as "very bright". Fair enough if others comment but for a parent to say it repeatedly smacks of boasting imo.

I guess it irritates me as the child is only 3 years old and although was an early speaker and is the type to sit quietly and draw a picture, he is not in any way I can see particularly exceptional... But he is very sensitive and demanding [and very pandered to by his parents] and this is apparently explained by his "brightness"

"I think parents often see there children as 'very bright' because they don't have day to day contact with many children and therefore don't realise their childrens amazing accomplishments are actually pretty normal and mainstream"

The opposite also applies. Mrs PD was moaning to DC's music teacher (who is also a personal friend) about the absence of a grammar school in our catchment area. Why don't you try for a music scholarship at an Indie, she suggested. We never thought of DC as being particularly good, not when you listen to some of the kids that go to music conservatoire's and we said so to the teacher.

She told us that we don't know how accomplished our kids were. Sure, the conservatoire kids will be better but that is simply because they practice 3-4 hours a day as opposed to having more talent. We listened to her advice and we auditioned and they got a scholarship. Yeah!

Sometimes its the other way round and parents don't realise how bright (or talented) their DCs really are because they don't get to see what 'average' children are like.