DP wants me to pick his dirty clothes up after him.

[Hairynigel]

Boring old housework AIBU, sorry.
I'm a sahm with a 19mo ds, Dp runs his own company full time. I do all housework, (sometimes on weekends he will pitch in with washing up, tidying etc) I cook tea most nights, do all ds's bath times etc.

Anyway, dp has a habit of getting changed after work and leaving hs clothes artfully sprawled out on the bedroom floor. I then take it upon myself to shove said clothes at the bottom of his wardrobe where they can no longer bother me.
Dp came home today and started having a moan about this, apparently looking after ds only takes up a small percentage of my day and I should make it a priority to do more housework! So basically he wants me to start sniffing the armpits of his tops or crotch of his underwear to see if it needs washing or not, then wash it for him, then iron it and then put it away neatly.

AIBU for thinking he can pick up his own damn clothes and put them in the wash basket himself? Apparently his days are stressful enough without having to do this as well...

Actually if you kept making the same mistake over and over again at work, after a few warnings and possibly a training course, you'd get the sack.

I think there might be an element of "spraying" about men leaving their clothes around as well. It's like they're asserting their right not to pick up their own clothes - I'm the hunter-gatherer and you can Fuck Off. I suspect that's why it raises some quite visceral reactions. I may be wrong about this, am willing to be talked out of it, but it's jsut a feeling I get...

All our lightbulbs are too high for anyone to reach, we are both capable of getting out the stepladder. I suppose if your husband can easily reach the lightbulb without a ladder it's less hassle to just ask him to do it.
The men here aren't asking the women to pick up their dirty clothes though but expecting it. I aslo feel that picking up someone's dirty underwear is a more personal task than changing a lightbulb which is a household task. You both benefit from having a working lightbulb, only he benefits from having clean socks.

Having read on I conclude that not only go some of you live with pigs, some of you are pigs too. Dirty laundry on the floor for days on end? Yuk.

We often won't pick up dirty clothes straight away, and I'd get fed up with someone who wouldn't give me a couple of days to sort my dirty clothes out, similarly I'll go to work and leave washing up etc until I get home. I'm happy to cope with a bit of messiness. If my husband left his socks on the floor for days on end with me saying "your dirty washing is still on the floor" that isn't "forgetting" that's expecting someone else to do it, or a degree of slovenliness I couldn't live with.
If he forgets you remind him.

Us not having a working light affects us both. Him having dirty socks affects everyone!

I would expect him to change the lightbulb though. I wouldn't ask him nicely, or even at all. We have fancy lightbulbs too. I expect him to buy them, get the step ladder out (we have really high ceilings), climb up and sort it out. Ultimately, this happens because I can't be bothered to do it.

How is that any different?

Labour is divided equally between us so the ratio of lightbulb changes to laundry loads is irrelevant. I don't find picking up my DH's pants demeaning. I'm married to his ball bag! It's a bit late to start whingeing about touching his undercrackers. I'd rather pick up his drawers than get lightbulb fitting dust in my eye while wobbling around on a rickety ladder.

It's the perception of the value of the work that makes the difference here.

The H in this case has told the OP that she doesn't do enough drudgery around the house and has given her more to do. This is work that he thinks is beneath him because of his stressful days dealing with manly stuff, running his business, etc.

There is also fact that picking up another adult's clothes every single bloody day is just plain annoying and would in no way be offset by having a H change a lightbulb or change a fuse maybe four or five times a year.

The OP hasn't mentioned division of labour in her home either. Her H does some washing up and tidying at weekends but as to lightbulbs and other 'manly' occasional tasks - no mention.

I agree it's the little things that are important and can really get to you and start to kill the love and respect you feel for your partner and as someone says it's hard to feel sexy or want to have sex with someone like that. Could be leaving clothes on the floor, cup for you to pick up, rubbish lying about for you to deal with. Wonder if men realise we value these little things more and they'd get more nookie for caring about these little things than bringing in the odd bunch of flowers or the grand gesture. The grand gesture means nothing without the little things.

Good post Sozzled.