DP wants me to pick his dirty clothes up after him.

[Hairynigel]

Boring old housework AIBU, sorry.
I'm a sahm with a 19mo ds, Dp runs his own company full time. I do all housework, (sometimes on weekends he will pitch in with washing up, tidying etc) I cook tea most nights, do all ds's bath times etc.

Anyway, dp has a habit of getting changed after work and leaving hs clothes artfully sprawled out on the bedroom floor. I then take it upon myself to shove said clothes at the bottom of his wardrobe where they can no longer bother me.
Dp came home today and started having a moan about this, apparently looking after ds only takes up a small percentage of my day and I should make it a priority to do more housework! So basically he wants me to start sniffing the armpits of his tops or crotch of his underwear to see if it needs washing or not, then wash it for him, then iron it and then put it away neatly.

AIBU for thinking he can pick up his own damn clothes and put them in the wash basket himself? Apparently his days are stressful enough without having to do this as well...

husband's, of course! I got so wound up I forgot the fucking apostrophe.

The thing is, I would find that really passive-aggressive.

The obstinate refusal to "notice" and pick up. And meanwhile, your floor looks a mess. It's offensive. It's basically him telling you that he's too busy and important to bother himself with that triviality and if you don't do it for him, then you have to put up with your environment looking and feeling shit - it's your punishment for not jumping into line and cleaning up after him.

Horrible behaviour.

Like HuntyCat I have a young son (7) with autism. He is capable of putting his clothes in the laundry basket, and putting a wash on too. He is capable of this because I am raising him to be respectful and responsible. I am teaching him that members of a household work as a team and pitch in, that no one is so superior that they cannot bend over, puck up mucky clothes, and drop them into a laundry basket. at your partner - shame on him.

I have been a SAHM for several years but am soon to start working freelance from home. I said to DH the other day how much I was looking forward to starting work as clearly in our house having paid employment means you are exempt from doing any housework, can absolve yourself from responsibility for looking after the DCs and can leave rubbish and dirty washing as well as coats and shoes wherever you wish. He was very sheepish about it!

Do it and then place them in the bin or dump them outside.

The cheeky git.

We all leave stuff in the "floordrobe" so I don't bother about it too much. If I'm feeling generous I will pick DH's stuff up but he doesn't expect me to do it and does pick up his own 90% of the time.

That is another thing though - if you have sons, your husbands are teaching them that men don't pick their own clothes up. And they're teaching your DD's that as well.

Children learn from what we do, not from what we say.

Just saying.

My 3 year old manages to (mostly) put her own clothes in the laundry basket. My 6 year old certainly does. I can just about forgive DH for doing a ridiculously small amount of housework (he puts the bins out, that's it) even though I work four days a week as he does work long hours but if he started expecting me to pick up his dirty clothes that would quite frankly be the last straw.

I would feel really mean and in fact a bit stupid and making a mountain out of a molehill if I didnt just pick his clothes up (with mine, which are also discarded on the floor esp when the nights are as cold as they are now) and wash them.

I honestly dont feel I am being disrespected or treated like a maid or something just because I lob a pair of dirty socks into the machine for my husband, the man I love. He gives me/does loads in so many other ways. So I simply dont get the kind of 'omigod how could you ever have sex with him again' response.

For those who feel so strongly that they are being disrespected by their husband not putting his own stuff in the laundry basket, are there things that YOU do that he would find 'disrespectful' in some way? And if so how does he respond?

I am VERY curious about all this, I had no idea so many people thought it was such a big issue!

boschy thank you

I thought it was just me, i am so shocked at some of the responses!

imoan-do you leave your clothes on the floor as well then?

If we´ve had a cup of tea I´ll take my husband´s cup away & he´ll do the same.

But neither of us would leave our cups with the expectation that the other does it.

Challenge Anneka is a Nineties TV presenter who wore a pink shell suit and flew around in a helicopter doing charity work against the clock.

My thoughts exactly boschy. I won't demonise someone for laziness - man or woman. We've ALL got our faults.

Don't sweat the small stuff, I say. And don't sweat about sweat on the smalls either.

DH does not see me as a worthless maid any more than I see him as a worthless handyman.

Would I ever take the bin out? No. Would I ever change a lightbulb? No. Would I ever climb on a stepladder and haul my ass into the loft to poke around in the dust? No. Would I ever investigate the contents of the tool box with a mind to repairing something? No. Do I disrespect my DH? No.

diddl sometimes i do sometimes i don't...but whatever clothes are on the floor the next day i pick them up without without a second thought and it has never occured to me that other people might not do the same. I am sure if i left them dh would pick them up but why would i make the bed and tidy up and leave dh's clothes on the floor?!

The thing is, if it isn't an issue for you, it isn't an issue for you is it, so in that case, he's not being disrespectful, because it doesn't matter to you.

I've always been a slob and once lived with a bloke who was also a slob and we used to chuck our clothes on the floor at night and then one of us used to pick them up the next morning - it was no biggie.

But now, it would piss me off. It's become a dealbreaker.

Anything that's a big deal to the other person, is important isn't it? Not trivial. If they think it's trivial and you think it's trivial, then it's trivial. But if one of you thinks it matters, then it matters. Whatever it is.

That would be my approach.

You see I don´t really get why adults leave their clothes on the floor tbh.

Or why you have never asked him to use the washbox.

Why does he do it?

Has he always had someone to pick his clothes up?

As I said, my husband used to live alone & pick his own clothes up.

Why would that stop just because I moved in?

OK Boschy an example- would you go to a clothes shop, try clothes on and then leave them on a pile in the middle of the shop floor?

I suspect not because it's a bit rude to the sales assistants- even though you could argue they're actually paid to pick up after customers.

I will wash clothes that have been left on the floor but I will wash ALL clothes that have been left on the floor. This annoys dh greatly as I am forever washing things that he considers not to be dirty enough to warrant washing. How I'm supposed to tell the difference I don't know so I just carry on washing everything not in the drawers like it's supposed to be.

Exactly what happens in this house. If it's on the floor it goes in the wash and it really pisses him off. Good.

No anon of course not, but I'm not in a marriage with the sales assistant!

The sales assistant has his/her job in the store which may include picking up after customers; I am a nice polite person and I dont want to make his/her job more difficult.

In my marriage though, we BOTH do things to help each other; so I chuck whatever I can find into the washing machine; he cooks most nights. We are a team, I'm better at tidying and washing, he's better at cooking and changing lightbulbs (to take just 2 domestic examples).

For people who find the washing on the floor so difficult, is it a symptom that other things are also difficult? Because if there are things that DH and I disagree over we talk about them and either we come to a solution or we agree to compromise. Not casting aspersions on anyone btw, I just find it hard to imagine being so pissed off by something which I find so trivial!!

Farking hell!

Why would anyone expect someone else to pick their dirty clothes up off the floor?
Was he bought up as some sort of child prince and simply not adjusted to his new lifestyle?

If the answer is no I would carry on ignoring his sodding mess and tell him to feck off. Even if the answer is yes I would only give him another week to come to terms with his drop in status.

How DARE he tell you it is your job to pick his things up.

As others have said, my children pick their clothes up and so does my OH. Strictly speaking my OH doesnt pick his clothes up because he cant bend down but you know what? He doesnt drop his clothes on the floor in the first place!

But that's the point isn't it - you have enough respect and consideration for the Sales Assistant to not deliberately make her life difficult. Because you are normal and nice and kind.

But not for your husband/ wife?

All the old couples I know who are happy together have one thing in common: they are really good friends. The friendship and teamwork they have together, is really clear, even when you just meet them for the first time.

If you wouldn't treat your friend like it, then you shouldn't treat your partner like it. Because eventually, you will lose the friendship of your partner.

Did you give him the middle finger?

That's the whole point though boschy. You talk about compromising with your DH but here are women after women complaining that they tell their husband not to do something and they still do it repeatedly.
How is that compromise and respect?

I got really annoyed with OH because I love my bed nicely made when I get in at night. OH tends to make a complete mess of untucking the duvet and squashing the pillows. Totally trivial but I got really upset at having to make the bed twice everyday (he would mess it up just by being in the bedroom in the evening).
I told him how cross it made me and he apologised and stopped.

Then he told me how much he hated me leaving applecores on the sofa (I eat apples when I watch TV at night). I stopped doing that. Fair enough.

How is it fair to have one partner knowingly upset their spouse and not do anything about it?

Fair point anon but that brings it back to the fact that its not really about the washing per se.

but some posters do seem to be making the washing the be all and end all.

But why is there a need to put your clothes on the floor for someone else to pick up?

I do a million things for my OH. Probably more than average due to his disability but I wouldnt pick up stuff he had dropped on the floor because he couldnt be arsed not to.