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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP wants me to pick his dirty clothes up after him.

208 replies

Hairynigel · 08/02/2012 17:46

Boring old housework AIBU, sorry.
I'm a sahm with a 19mo ds, Dp runs his own company full time. I do all housework, (sometimes on weekends he will pitch in with washing up, tidying etc) I cook tea most nights, do all ds's bath times etc.

Anyway, dp has a habit of getting changed after work and leaving hs clothes artfully sprawled out on the bedroom floor. I then take it upon myself to shove said clothes at the bottom of his wardrobe where they can no longer bother me.
Dp came home today and started having a moan about this, apparently looking after ds only takes up a small percentage of my day Hmm and I should make it a priority to do more housework! So basically he wants me to start sniffing the armpits of his tops or crotch of his underwear to see if it needs washing or not, then wash it for him, then iron it and then put it away neatly.

AIBU for thinking he can pick up his own damn clothes and put them in the wash basket himself? Apparently his days are stressful enough without having to do this as well...

OP posts:
Original poster
Hairynigel · 08/02/2012 18:23

Ok say he didn't actually ask me to sniff his clothes Grin He doesn't mind wearing some of his clothes more than once before they get washed, but how am I meant to know which ones have been worn enough and need washing?
We have a wash basket in a room about 7 metres away from the bedroom, so it wouldn't really be an extra task for him to put them in there.

I will stick to shoving it all at the bottom of his wardrobe and only washing what's in the basket!

OP posts:
kelly2000 · 08/02/2012 18:25

he is being an arse. tell him you are thinking about going back to work so he will have to take some responsibility. Apart from anythign what he is doing is disrespectful - he is saying your job is being my skivvy, and i do not give a fuck if I make more work for you as that is your role in life. Its akin to you going on spending sprees and then telling him his role is to make money so he will have to do more.

kelly2000 · 08/02/2012 18:26

You could always shrink his clothes, or put a red sock in with the reds.

minimisschief · 08/02/2012 18:29

tbh hes probably irritated that you manage to pick clothes up and make some sort of petty point rather than just putting them in a laundry basket.

either leave them on the floor or stick them in a wash.

Onesunnymorningin2012 · 08/02/2012 18:29

YANBU at all. My DH is unemployed and he looks after the house and cat (we don't have kids) while I work FT. I don't expect him to pick up after me.

minimisschief · 08/02/2012 18:30

tbh hes probably irritated that you manage to pick clothes up and make some sort of petty point rather than just putting them in a laundry basket.

either leave them on the floor or stick them in a wash.

SocialMoray · 08/02/2012 18:30

Open window

Throw clothes out

Sorted

Molehillmountain · 08/02/2012 18:33

Yanbu. However, dh does often leave his clothes around and I pick then up and wash them. We have a good relationship, I'm not taken for granted, and have a plethora of bad habits. So what you do about it is up to you. As soon as I pick them up, I can stop being fed up about it whereas if I leave them, I seethe every time I pass them. But sniffing? No way!

mathanxiety · 08/02/2012 18:33

Answer to him after a Look that conveys your disagreement with his notions: "You are taking the piss, right?"

And then do not touch his dirty clothes ever again. Leave a basket in the room for him to put them in and if they go on the floor you leave them there without washing them. When he runs out of clean clothes and complains, indicate the basket and repeat, "You are taking the piss" to whatever he says on the subject. Do not get involved in the details of his arguments. Just stonewall him. "No" would work too.

In the case of wet towels left on the bed, if they're on his side leave them there, and if they're on yours, move them to his.

(I have a cat who solved all my family-laundry-on-the-floor problems by peeing on every single thing that was dropped on the floor.)

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 08/02/2012 18:37

I stopped washing DH's things if they were not in the wash basket. He blew a gasket when he found he had no clean stuff. The fucker (metaphorically speaking, I may add) has not learnt. His side of the bed can become his tip. I am not his slave.

YA most definitely NOT BU. Your DH and MY "D"H can fuck the fuck off with their stinky stuff.

BarbieDahl · 08/02/2012 18:38

Don't mean to gloat but threads like this make me appreciate my DH so much more. I work a lot fewer hours than him and do 90% of the cooking, housework and laundry but he would never leave dirty clothes on the floor and also cleans up after himself.
As someone pointed out picking up your dirty clothes is good manners not housework.
I wouldn't even put them in the wardrobe - just leave them on the floor.

Original poster
Hairynigel · 08/02/2012 18:39

minimisschief, I'm not being petty by putting them in the wardrobe, I just can't stand having clothes sprawled all over the floor and I can't be arsed sorting through them. The wardrobe is my easiest option.

OP posts:
laurenamium · 08/02/2012 18:39

I am SO glad it's not just me!! I only wash what's in the wash basket, last week DP went to work in football shorts (he is a plumber) as all his trousers were filthy...he will learn eventually Grin

missuswife · 08/02/2012 18:41

I have been reading this post with interest as my DH leaves his dirty clothes all over the floor, on the back of the chair, sometimes I think he has even put dirty socks/undies back in his drawer!

We both work FT. I do all the housework and cooking and lunches but he takes out the bins. I told him if he expects me to go all over the house collecting his dirty laundry wherever he let it drop, then I will be leaving my rubbish wherever I feel like it, and he can go round and collect it and put it in the trash before he takes the bin out.

He sort of got the point but it didn't last long. I don't want to be petty and refuse to wash anything that's not in the laundry basket but I don't see why I am expected to do all this stuff when we both work. Hmpph.

laurenamium · 08/02/2012 18:41

Can I borrow your cat math?!

Molehillmountain · 08/02/2012 18:42

Do the techniques described of moving or putting out of sight make the offender change their ways? If not, strikes me you're more in control if you just pick the stuff up. Not ideal I know.

eurochick · 08/02/2012 18:45

Where did you find this unhousetrained creature? Send him back to his mother to learn some basic manners.

Lightofthemoon · 08/02/2012 18:47

Forget the basket issue, he only wants his pants washed if the crotch is sniffed and smells rank Shock Shock Shock

That is absolutely vile!!!

laurenamium · 08/02/2012 18:47

I might try the one mentioned upthread of just washing everything on the floor. We already have the rule that I keep anything left in pockets (we both work- it was created to encourage him to empty his pockets before wash Grin) washing everything could be a good little earner for me Grin

Hassled · 08/02/2012 18:48

It's not about the practicalities, is it? It's about respect. Even if you do have the time to pick up after him, why the fuck should you? It's demeaning.

Original poster
Hairynigel · 08/02/2012 18:49

Exactly hassled

OP posts:
DublinMammy · 08/02/2012 18:50

YANBU. So bloody annoying, my DH does the same thing. I get to pull underwear out from jeans, put shirt sleeves the right way round so I can iron them, fold, stack and put them on his chest of drawers for him to put away and then they lurk there for ages before the lazy bugger puts them away. He works v long hours but it still gets on my tits and if I didn't do it he would have no clean clothes and the room would be a tip. I HATE mess which is why I do it but perhaps I should just shove it all into his wardrobe? Out of sight, out of mind.

AmberLeaf · 08/02/2012 18:52

Maths your cat rocks!

HairyNigel....tell him to fuck right off!

At the risk of coming over all 'Mumsnetty' I think it shows a huuuuuge~ level of disrespect for you that he thinks you should pick his dirt up off the floor, yes dirt not dirty clothes! they are discarded onto the flooor

What a fucking pisstaker! leave the bastard

LydiaWickham · 08/02/2012 18:53

I would point out that if you went back to work and hired a nanny they wouldn't do any cleaning as when you're paid to do it, caring for a child is a full time job. You are doing that role for free, any cleaning you do is outside of the childcare you are providing.

He is a parent now, it's time he stopped be a child.

oikopolis · 08/02/2012 18:54

I would take the precaution of no longer giving a fuck about whether the bedroom floor is tidy.

I wouldn't DREAM of picking DH's clothes off the floor, I don't even glance at them. I don't even almost think about picking them up. Neither would he for my things.

"Doing the washing" = taking the linen basket downstairs pouring its contents into the washer, then switching it on. Anything not in the basket will not be washed. If DH ever asks why I didn't wash so-and-so I just say "oh sorry, it must not have been in the basket" and then carry on my merry way. Same as him for me.

If he started getting arsey about it I would tell him to take a Disprin and have a lie-down.

YANBU
your H needs his head read