DP wants me to pick his dirty clothes up after him.

[Hairynigel]

Boring old housework AIBU, sorry.
I'm a sahm with a 19mo ds, Dp runs his own company full time. I do all housework, (sometimes on weekends he will pitch in with washing up, tidying etc) I cook tea most nights, do all ds's bath times etc.

Anyway, dp has a habit of getting changed after work and leaving hs clothes artfully sprawled out on the bedroom floor. I then take it upon myself to shove said clothes at the bottom of his wardrobe where they can no longer bother me.
Dp came home today and started having a moan about this, apparently looking after ds only takes up a small percentage of my day and I should make it a priority to do more housework! So basically he wants me to start sniffing the armpits of his tops or crotch of his underwear to see if it needs washing or not, then wash it for him, then iron it and then put it away neatly.

AIBU for thinking he can pick up his own damn clothes and put them in the wash basket himself? Apparently his days are stressful enough without having to do this as well...

Washing can be the be all and end all because it's so fucking lazy! (and can also be stinky).

I get the lightbuld/DIY etc when I can't reach the ceiling light or I don't know how to change a fuse, but surely how can anyone justify dropping clothes straight on the floor and then leaving them there?

It's something a spoilt child would do.

What is going on here of course, is that your H is jealous of the toddler and feeling displaced much as a toddler would if a younger sibling came along and claimed mummy's attention. He has reverted to childish behaviour and started seeing you as a mother figure.

Tell him that.

That'll make him pick his clothes up.

He may never shag you again though.

Not to mention there is no need for the dirty clothes to be in the floor to begin with.
Food needs to be cooked, rubbish needs to be taken out, laundry needs to be done but stinky socks don't need to be picked up off the floor.

It's extra work for the wife because hubby couldn't fucked to put them in the specially provided basket.

"is it a symptom that other things are also difficult? "

Well, not for me.

I do the washing for everyone-so in return I ask/expect that they put their dirty washing in the washbox so that I just go to the one place rather than scavenging on various bedroom floors.

Also, I never leave my dirty (or clean for that matter) clothes on the floor.

If I did I probably wouldn´t find it too difficult to pick up anyone elses that were also there & shove the whole lot in the washbox.

I don't know why so many women are on here complaining about their DH's laundry. Just don't do it. I have never washed my DH's clothes, ever. I'm a SAHM, not a maid. I don't wash his body and I don't wash his clothes as I am not his mother and he is not a child.

I dont mind washing OH's clothes. He does quite a bit of laundry too. I dont think its my job to do it though.

One thing that properly pisses me off is his refusal to put any clothes, apart from his own, away.

We only have the 3 DCs at home atm but that is still quite a lot of stuff to be put away. I hate doing it. I know it has to be done but I regularly get the hump about doing it all. Like everything else I suspect he will eventually 'give in' and start doing it.

He comes up with all sorts of pathetic excuses. They have too many clothes - how does that make a difference? They only wear one outfit at a time.
I get annoyed if he doesnt do it 'my way'. 'my way' is putting DC2's pants in DC3's pants drawer rather than in DC5's pj drawer

Sticking everyone´s clothes in the machine doesn´t bother me either.

If you´re putting a load in, why would you do yours & not other people´s?

Unless theirs aren´t in the washbox?

When my exH was trying to make amends for cheating on me one of the things he did was go with his own dry-cleaning to the cleaners and pick it up when it was done. Before that I used to take the big bag of shirts and suits and then pick it up clean and on hangers -- and it was an absolute pita with small children to schlep along with me; when the s&t hit the fan he made a point of grovelling in many ways around the house and started doing stuff like the laundry. He actually took the time to tell me he would do the dry-cleaning run himself. It struck me that the *hole knew how exactly much of a chore it was for me all along but while he was in full on ego tripping mode he got his kicks out of seeing someone doing things for him that could easily have done for himself.

I'm just playing devil's advocate here and not trying to be deliberately mean, but you could buy a stepladder and you could learn to change a fuse, but you don't because you know someone else will do it for you.

Any couple could function on entirely separate orbits. It's nice to have someone to rely on though. It's nice to have someone who does things for you that you find difficult - or that you simply can't be arsed to do. As long as the door swings both ways, where's the harm?

I don't understand the obsession with respect though. What's respectful about some of the comments on this thread about men who don't follow the laundry orders?

Do none of you ever make mistakes? Would none of you appreciate kind reassurance that it's ok to make mistakes, rather than a character assassination?

I think if more women had a bit more of an obsession wiht respect, there would be fewer unhappy couples around.

Somebody leaving their stuff on the floor with the expectation that someone else will have to pick it up is not "making a mistake"

It's an attitudinal mindset, not a mistake

You don't need to be genius to know that washing goes in the washbasket. Not putting it in there is pure laziness and yes, total disrespect for your partner, whom you expect to be a skivvy and pick up after you. I would never pick up my DH's dirty clothes from the floor. That's why my side of the room is relatively tidy and his looks like the sock fairy uses it as dumping ground for all the worlds missing socks.

Attitude vs a mistake is as much of a muchness, any.

Either way you don't care enough about laundry to pick it up.

It's not ideal but I have a pretty bad attitude to some things as well. I'd go as far as to say I can be a real dickhead sometimes. Forgiveness is divine and all that shit though, eh?

'He doesn't mind wearing some of his clothes more than once before they get washed, but how am I meant to know which ones have been worn enough and need washing?
We have a wash basket in a room about 7 metres away from the bedroom, so it wouldn't really be an extra task for him to put them in there.'

Actually, she is only asking for clearer directions about what to wash and what to leave for another wear. But the end result is that he is mad with her for not reading his mind or deciding by whatever means she thinks appropriate what items need a wash. And there is the comment that she has enough time to do all this mindreading or clothes sniffing and picking up because all she does is grocery shop and cook and clean and take care of a toddler all day. That is where the resentment comes in.

He is in reality expecting her to either leave his clothes on the floor for him to pick up and put on, or put away his worn clothes for him in a drawer alongside clothes she has previously gone to the bother of washing and deodorising.

There is a strong hint of self pity to this man's assertion that his days are stressed enough without having to make decisions about his laundry. OK, running your own business is stressful, and you have a family depending on you but there can be circumstances where 'kicking the cat' is the response to life's pressures. There are also people who think they don't get enough appreciation at home for the daily stuff they do (tinged with jealousy of the toddler) I think this is a case of both. What it amounts to is immaturity.

I think the OP otoh the DH's comment that showed complete lack of appreciation for the amount of work she is doing at home with a toddler ('apparently looking after ds only takes up a small percentage of my day and I should make it a priority to do more') is quite an insult.

OP I hope you will stop playing this laundry game with him. He is throwing his weight around and you need to tell him you won't put up with it.

I hope you can sit down with him and tell him his criticism of you is neither warranted nor welcome nor respectful (and I agree 100% with Basil here), and that he is going to have to get over himself and deal however he feels fit with his own laundry decisions. If you are happy to wash, then fine, but it is completely unreasonable for him to expect you to decide what needs a wash and to put away whatever doesn't.

There are things that OH does because I dont like doing them, there I things I do because he doesnt. Thats because we care about each other.
As the years go by I will be doing more and more stuff for him and instead of him because he has a degenerative condition. I will do this out of love and respect for him.

Dropping your dirty pants on the floor and expecting your partner to pick them up because they do not go out to work (or for any other reason) is a very different matter.

You forgive someone when they feel bad and apologise though. There's not much respect about a lazy arse who despite being told still insists on messing up the house.

Once again would they do it at work/a friend's house? Nope. They save their lazyness for their wife. Nice.

And Cats. Re the stepladder and the fuse situation, how can you compare? Not that it's going to happen on a daily basis but why waste money/time when there is someone who already knows how to do it?

Putting dirty socks in the wash is something that takes a second and that even a toddler can be taught to do.
That's why it makes finding them on the floor every day even more demoralising.

We both sometimes put our dirty clothes on the floor at night because the washing basket is in the bathroom and if we had a shower or bath earlier in the evening after running or cycling we'd be getting undressed in the bedroom.
Neither of us expects the other to move their dirty washing into the basket though, we both do it within a couple of days.
I think the fuse changing etc is irrelevent as they are jobs you would usually ask your husband to do, not just expect him to do. I'm surprised some of you don't change lightbulbs or venture into the loft though.
If you are happy to pick up everyone's dirty washing then fine. if you aren't and you ask your husband to pick it up and he doesn't he is being unpleasant and disrespectful.

Ironic you're equating it with 'a mistake'.

A mistake is something you do wrong, apologise for and then - crucially -try to avoid repeating.

I wouldn't expect anyone - colleague, friend, family member or husband to indulge me day-in-day-out with 'kind reassurances' that making the same mistake over and over again is OK.

WTAF?!

Honestly, if picking up after someone else works for you then great and especially so for your lucky DH.

2rebecca I was referring to those flat ceiling lightbulbs that are just too high for me to reach.

This if you are happy to pick up everyone's dirty washing then fine. If you aren't and you ask your husband to pick it up and he doesn't he is being unpleasant and disrespectful is spot on.

Yeah he's not perfect. He leaves things because he forgets. He forgets because he forgets. Big deal.

I just don't get the vehemence behind feelings that are to do with socks.

There is also the idea behind the statement 'Apparently his days are stressful enough without having to do this as well...' that this small stuff is too much to bother his Greta Mind with so therefore it should fall to Wifey.

So every time he steps over his dirty clothes on the floor he 'forgets' to pick them up? Please.

You forget to pick up milk on the way home, you don't forget that you're stepping on dirty underwear-you just can't be asked to pick it up.