DP wants me to pick his dirty clothes up after him.

[Hairynigel]

Boring old housework AIBU, sorry.
I'm a sahm with a 19mo ds, Dp runs his own company full time. I do all housework, (sometimes on weekends he will pitch in with washing up, tidying etc) I cook tea most nights, do all ds's bath times etc.

Anyway, dp has a habit of getting changed after work and leaving hs clothes artfully sprawled out on the bedroom floor. I then take it upon myself to shove said clothes at the bottom of his wardrobe where they can no longer bother me.
Dp came home today and started having a moan about this, apparently looking after ds only takes up a small percentage of my day and I should make it a priority to do more housework! So basically he wants me to start sniffing the armpits of his tops or crotch of his underwear to see if it needs washing or not, then wash it for him, then iron it and then put it away neatly.

AIBU for thinking he can pick up his own damn clothes and put them in the wash basket himself? Apparently his days are stressful enough without having to do this as well...

Who is Chellenge Anneka?

As I say, lucky men that they have you guys to pick up after them.

The OP, however, doesn't want to do it, and neither should she.

All those women who're happy to do this into infinity for their men aren't really relevant to this thread.

The thing is, if it's not such a big deal to pick up the dirty clothes, etc why can't people do it for themselves?

Housework is a funny thing. A lot of it is unseen, which is why so many women end up doing mor than their fair share. Who thinks and checks if there is toothpaste in the cupboard and mince in the freezer for the spag bol before doing the weekly shop, for example? It' quite often the mental energy that ends up frustrating a lot of women. They get fed up with being the only one who will check if there is enough milk in the fridge for tomorrow's breakfast and do something about it if there isn't.

Each chore doesn't have to be split 50/50. It's fine for the woman to do all the laundry if the man is pulling his weight in other ways. But putting out the bins once a week can hardly compare to the ongoing, far-more-time-consuming chore of laundry so it's not just a case of the number of tasks being split equally but the time spent on housework being fairly divided. In some cases the split doesn't even have to be 50/50 if say a SAHM with school-age children is happy to do more as her DH is sole provider. The best way to determine fairness is how much spare time each partner has.

Regardless of what arrangement works though, assuming someone else will pick up your dirty clothes and wet towels is incredibly disrespectful IMO. I'm happy to do all the laundry for my DC but even at 3 they were putting their own clothes in the laundry basket because it takes hardly more effort to do that than it does to drop them on the floor and not doing so is just lazy. It's like using the toilet and then not flushing it because it's too much effort.

Jesus-there doesn´t have to be a trade off!

My husband can pick up his clothes & doesn´t get a reduction in the amount of cooking/cleaning that he does.

I can´t see why others don´t find it demeaning to pick up after a capable adult tbh.

agree sunshine.

Whenever Dh says about something "Well, it is hardly any work!" I say "That should be reason to DO it then, not to NOT DO it !. If it is hardly any work, why not do it yourself?!"

"I can´t see why others don´t find it demeaning to pick up after a capable adult tbh."

This.

I'm frankly a little open-mouthed at some of the posts on this thread.

I am honestly really shocked at all the responses to this thread!

As i said earlier i am a sahm mum and i always pick up my husbands dirty clothes off the floor. I have never given it a second thought and it's just part of my daily housework routine. DH works around an 80 hour week and is often totally shattered when he gets home, i don't think it's disrespectful and i think he would be totally shocked to find out that's what others think.

It's never been an issue for me but it's very interesting to see how others view the same situation....still each to their own.

And how many hours a week do you work, imoanrbuby?

I suspect that if you're a SAHM, it's probably about 80 hours a week as well.

But that doesn't give you an opt out from cleaning up your own shit, does it?

How can leaving dirty clothes on the floor for someone else to pick up ever be acceptable?

imoan-has your husband always had a mother or staff before you, then?

And if you're not shattered from the work you do at home, lucky you. I can remember being absolutely exhausted by about 8PM when my 2 DC's were little.

Put on open top laundry basket about 2feet away from his "clothes dumping" spot, and ask him nicely to just pop his dirty clothes in (just tell him DC was wearing his dirty pants on his/her head the other day while you were cleaning the bathroom. "this would be such a help"

What's that saying ? "better results with honey than vinegar. then go out and spend some of his money!

I don't get it - I need someone to explain it to me.

How is person A dumping their clothes on the floor not in any way disrespectful to person B, the eejit that has nothing better to do with their time than mundane maid-duties?

Why does person A think the floor is a good, appropriate place for their clothes? What does person A think is going to happen to their clothes when they are just dumped on the floor?

Why can't person A move them a metre and a half to the left and deposit them in the basket? Is it too complicated for them? Too exhausting? What...?

Why doesn't person B ever, ever leave their clothes on the floor - say, on the weekend - safe in the knowledge that person A will pick them up, wash them, dry them, fold them, iron them and put them away?

Exactly how un-evolved is person A?

I agree-I can´t see that it´s anything other than lazy/ignorant to leave stuff on the floor with the expectation that your partner(?!) will pick it up.

OMG.

"His" money?

The money he is enabled to earn because someone else is looking after his children for free?

Are we back in the 1950's?

I'm always depressed by the infantilising and disrespect so many women have for men - "train them like dogs", naughty step, star chart, etc. Someone asked, what's that got to do with sex? Well for me, it would be that a man who I thought of as someone who had to be trained, or treated like a child, isn't someone I could possibly have any real respect for. And if I don't respect a man, I don't find him sexually attractive. That lack of respect, combined with a disgust for his sense of entitlement, would really kill any desire for him. It would physically repulse me tbh.

My husband you to live on his own & therefore managed to get his clothes from himself to the washbox, washbox to machine...

When I became a SAHM I took over the washing & ironing, but he didn´t suddenly become incapable of putting his clothes in the washbox.

Was annoying enough that he would sometimes leave them on the top!

you=used

I can't believe it's accepted that an adult will leave any stuff on the floor in their own home.

Surely as parents we would be shocked to find our children's school taught them it was OK to leave toys/dirty plates/clothes on the floor once they'd been used?
And imagine if one of your work colleagues consistently left dirty cups on the floor in the middle of the office and expected everyone else to pick them up and clean them? You would be outraged.

And yet because it's home men are consistently left off the hook and allowed to forget basic grown up... habits? Etiquette? Whatever you want to call it.
The irony is that most men tend to be OCD tidy about anything to do with their personal interests/hobbies. So yes ladies, they can do it if they really want to.

Courtesy anon, isn't it.

Simple bloody courtesy.

Which you give to everyone you come across unless you think they're not worth paying simple courtesy to.

It's so awful that so many men think the women they live with aren't worth that basic courtesy and I'm not sure if it's worse or better, that so many women don't consider themselves worth it either.

I suppose that's why so many products aimed at women with the variation on the message "because you're worth it", are picking up on that nagging sense that lots of women must have, that they're not going to get that feeling from their DH, so a bottle of shampoo will have to provide it.

Dp knows that if it isn't in the washing basket, it doesn't get washed, he's a grown man, not a toddler and can put it in the basket as he walks past.

You are a SAHM, not a skivvy and he is out of his mind if he thinks you should be sniffing his dirty clothes.

You're right Basil, it is courtesy.
What's worse is when you read the posts where the woman specifically tells her husband she's not his maid/skivvy and yet he still leaves stuff all over the place, forcing her to eventually capitulate and pick up after him.old

So he's been plainly told and still does it. What he's effectively saying is 'fuck you, you are my maid'.

It's just so rude to throw your clothes on the floor for someone else to pick up. I can't imagine sorting out washing that wasn't in the basket. And words fail me that working hard means you can't put your stuff away.

DH has always worked long hours but would never be this disrespectful.

I could never have sex with a man who treated me like a skivvy.

I agree with the majority that it's terribly disrespectful and am slightly dismayed at the apologists on here for the sort of husbands who expect their wives to pick up after them.

I work far, far more hours than my DH. I worked from 8am - 11.30pm yesterday, but I still managed to get my dirty togs into the basket rather than a pile for DH to sniff assess!

my dh and i had been living together for about a fortnight when he turned to me and said.

'i'm getting a bit low on socks and undies'

cue: ' who the feck do you think i am - your mother????' rant

20 years later he still does his own washing!

We don't do seperate washing, but we both know how to use the washing machine and although I probably put on more loads than him if he comes back from cycling or is off for the day he'll sort out washing. He does his own ironing though as I hate ironing shirts and smart trousers. Only stuff in the laundary basket goes in the wash. He's a bit more reticent about my stuff because certain items have to go in laundary bag first and a few things get handwashed.

My DH has recently started going a step better than that and leaving rubbish everywhere! This morning I came downstairs to a yoghurt pot lid, a tissue and a used tea bag just left on the table for me to clear up! They will remain there until he puts them in the bin.

I always say I am happy to do housework but I'm not a cleaning and tidying service and if he wants me to do housework then he needs to tidy up after himself as I will NOT do it for him.

My husbands skanky pants and socks lie on the floor, TOUCHING the wash basket. He cannot be arsed to move his arm 3cm further to drop the stuff in the basket. IMO, that is fucking lazy and I will NOT do his washing if it is not in the basket. I asked him 2 nights ago to put his washing in the basket. I will ask him again tonight and if it is not done, tough.