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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd? End the friendship or not?

188 replies

Mrswhiskerson · 06/02/2012 13:29

Last year we had a house party for dhs bday , two of our friends (more dhs than mine) got drunk and had a one night stand in our baby's bbedroom (he was out) dh is still fuming about it and he feels it has tainted ds bedroom.
I am furious about it too but feel apart from not speaking to them again it has happened and what can we do? Dh is stewing on it and with his depression things really getto him and it puts him in a foul mood which we get the brunt of,
what would you do? I just wish he would forget about it since there is nothing we can really do about it .

OP posts:
WhiteTrash · 06/02/2012 13:32

This happened last year and you've been getting the brunt all this time?

LittleEsmeWeatherwax · 06/02/2012 13:33

Blimey. I'd be seriously unimpressed with this.

If it were me, I'd encourage your DH to contact these friends of his to categorically state that they were way out of order. Certainly, it's enough of an issue to make him angry - I'd re direct that anger out of your way, and instead encourage him to sort it with them. Even if that means he tells them that they sod off, and that he has lost all respect for them. At least it'll give him the chance to off load and not take it out on you.

LittleEsmeWeatherwax · 06/02/2012 13:34

WhiteTrash could be last year as in before Christmas. Not that long really.

runningwilde · 06/02/2012 13:36

Have you seen them since? Did they apologise? More info needed!

birdofthenorth · 06/02/2012 13:36

Hmm. Maybe redecorating/ rearranging furniture would help DH move on?

What they did was disrespectful but I wouldn't ditch the friendship over it myself. However, if it's still idling your DH I reckon he needs to tell them he's been this bothered and then move on. Shit happens.

mojitomania · 06/02/2012 13:37

Doesn't make sense that a year later he's taking it out on you Confused

Explain a bit more OP. Does he randomly start on you then blame that or is it when you have seen or spoken to one of them?

I'm not really understanding this.

DizzyDizzyDinosaur · 06/02/2012 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaronessBomburst · 06/02/2012 14:05

Seriously?! And why on earth is it disrespectful? If two people got drunk at a party in my house and had a quickie in DS empty bedroom, I'd just laugh! If he was in there too I'd be fuming, but how can you taint a room by having sex in it? Confused

mojitomania · 06/02/2012 14:08

I'm with baroness on this one, I'd also laugh.

This issue here, I feel, is the OP's partner banging on about it for a year! Very odd.

StrandedBear · 06/02/2012 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 06/02/2012 14:09

'tainted his bedroom' just a tad dramatic, don't you think? Grin

valiumredhead · 06/02/2012 14:09

They had sex, it's not like they pissed all over the bedroom!

valiumredhead · 06/02/2012 14:10

Is the OP's partner a bit jealous maybe?

TheParanoidAndroid · 06/02/2012 14:11

Its just a room, same as any other. Overly precious indeed.

ifeelloved · 06/02/2012 14:12

If this is your dh's biggest worry....

It's not like or hold saw them. I'm assuming they cleaned up after themselves.

Charlotteperkins · 06/02/2012 14:13

total over-reaction imo.

empirestateofmind · 06/02/2012 14:14

I'm also with baroness on this one. So what- two adults had sex in an empty bedroom. Sounds like it was a good party Grin.

emsyj · 06/02/2012 14:14

Seems quite a dramatic overreaction to me tbh - unless they left a jiz stain on your baby's bedclothes, in which case that is and I probably would let the friendship cool off (not because I would think the room 'tainted', but just because I'm not a teenager any more and don't fancy being friends with teenagers at my advanced age).

But really, this is still making you/him/both of you furious? If it is, tell them, but expect them to think that you are quite odd.

SarkyWench · 06/02/2012 14:15

Assuming that they were both single then this wouldn't bother me at all.

TheRhubarb · 06/02/2012 14:16

I would be livid. They had sex in a little boys bedroom on his bed? Not even parents would do this and they had absolutely no right to disrespect your hospitality in this way.

When dd was 1 we threw a party to celebrate. We had some friends round in the evening for a few drinks but one turned up obviously having had a skinful beforehand. We ordered him a taxi and dh put him in the taxi himself. However halfway up the road he had got out of the taxi, come back into the house and gone up to dd's room where dh found him bending over her cot - he was either trying to get in or trying to pick her up. dh literally threw him down the stairs, kicked him out of the house and told him that if he came near the house again he'd kill him. Dh never ever gets angry and I have never seen him that way before.

The friend came to apologise a few days later when dh was out, but I told him that his behaviour was unacceptable, just turning up pissed to a baby's 1st birthday was bad enough, and that we didn't consider him to be a friend. We never saw him again.

These two took the piss big time. They abused your friendship and I too would think they had soiled the child's room somehow. I'm Hmm at Valiumhead's responses but personally I'm with your dh and I would cross them off your Christmas card list.

patsdeadfrank · 06/02/2012 14:17

ummmmmmm you had a party, some people got drunk and had sex. if you dont want people to have fun at your parties a, dont have a party b, dont provide alcohol c, dont provide empty rooms for potentially amorous guests to get together in.
dont get me wrong i am not saying its the classiest thing in the world ever and they probably should have taken it back to one of their houses, but i think you and DH need to have a bit of a relax. be glad people had fun at your party and really wonder if you are seriously considering ending friendships over some sex, that doesnt actually impact on you in any way. wondering how you found out about the incident op? are the friends close enough to have discussed it with you or were they caught in the act so to speak?

StrandedBear · 06/02/2012 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheParanoidAndroid · 06/02/2012 14:18

Loads of parents would have sex in their kids room if they weren't in it.

Fucks sake, its just a shag, it doesn't "soil" the room! Fair enough they shouldn't have done it, but bloody hell, OTT much?

Pandemoniaa · 06/02/2012 14:18

It's a bedroom and unless you live in a brand new house, people have probably done much worse in it.

I can see why your dh would be pissed off but actually, it really isn't the end of the world and presumably, these friends won't be invited to repeat the experience. However, if your dh seems quite unable to get past the idea of the room being (in some mysterious way) tainted, then consider redecorating. I'd also suggest some sort of counselling, if your dh isn't already seeing a counsellor because he's getting a very minor incident wildly out of proportion.

valiumredhead · 06/02/2012 14:19

Not even parents would have sex on a child's bed? Really? therhubarb Errr ok Grin