Wwyd? End the friendship or not?

[Mrswhiskerson]

Last year we had a house party for dhs bday , two of our friends (more dhs than mine) got drunk and had a one night stand in our baby's bbedroom (he was out) dh is still fuming about it and he feels it has tainted ds bedroom.
I am furious about it too but feel apart from not speaking to them again it has happened and what can we do? Dh is stewing on it and with his depression things really getto him and it puts him in a foul mood which we get the brunt of,
what would you do? I just wish he would forget about it since there is nothing we can really do about it .

A blessing?

no rhubarb (as of yet i havent been in that situation) but i would say that it wouldn't bother me if someone did it in my house at a party. actually recalling years ago someone did have sex in my dd bedroom and we heard them because we had left the monitor on obviously turned it off once we realised, dd was not there. found the whole thing quite hilarious. it was the first time they had sex and they went on to get married.

Valium - I can see the difference between a lustful, one night stand shag, and sex as part of a committed, loving relationship - but I'm not sure I can put it into words.

I think I would be annoyed about this and feel it was inappropriate behaviour. I would definitely be pissed off and expect an apology.

I think the fact that your dh is really struggling to get over it is unhealthy though. It sounds like he is fixating on it and I would wonder what was underneath that for him.

No, what type of sex it was matters not one jot, it's just that someone put that them shagging was a joyful and loving thing. Erm no, it was a quick shag.

So you honestly would nip up to a child's bedroom of your host and shag there if you were pissed enough? Well it kinda makes me glad to have the friends I now do. I would see this as an abuse of their hospitality. You have no right to enter their childrens bedrooms let alone have a shag in them.

Well it IS different SDT but makes no odds in this debate - the result is the same - someone got their end away and someone is pissed off about it.

Well if your baby wasn't in there I don't really thing it is a huge big deal at a party. I think there are more important things in the world to worry about to be honest! They are probably embarassed anyway!

I wouldn't think it was ok, no, but thats not the same thing as being disgusted by the very thought and saying the room is soiled and so on.

valium my mil does at every house she moves in

Considering I am tea total I would NOT do it but I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist about someone doing it.

Thinking back I don't know if this would have bothered me back in the day (young, pre children etc) nowadays I think I'd just think it was a bit grim and I wouldn't really want that in my child's bedroom. I wouldn't expect my friends to behave this way and I wouldn't behave that way either, maybe it's true that we all become more conservative (small c) with age?

Laquitar that is very funny

Tbh I think I would be a bit envious

i would imagine that depends on your definition of conservatism rachel.

Now that I'm a grown up and everything, I don't really expect my friends to be shagging in the bedrooms when we have parties, and Dh and I would would be a little 'christ what a show they made if themselves' when we dissected the party the next day.

It's not the done thing, as an adult, to nip upstairs for a shag mid party, which maybe is a shame.

I think many of us can understand some annoyance at the adolescent behaviour, but the whole appalled declarations that it was a CHILDS ROOM, and it is now TAINTED, are more than a tad hysterical.

OP, I would convey my annoyance to my friend with a 'hmm, not impressed' type comment when the party was discussed, but to end a friendship over some presumably (as your friends) uncharacteristic adolescent drunken high jinks is not rational.

Its a bit 'ick' but nothing more dramatic than that.

This thread does highlight how different we all are, if your dh is STILL stewing over it a year on he really needs to have a chat with his mate and get to the bottom of it. It's not good to hang onto something for a whole year!

This is something that personally I would dine out on and take every available opportunity to bring up and have a laugh about, this thread has shown that other feel very differently. He needs to talk about it not go around ending friendships.

Moredechai has it about right though I'd be more pissed about someone wandering into the "private" rooms of my house than I would that they shagged in one of them once they got there. It's no big deal, just a bit adolescent on the part of the shaggers, claims that a baby's privacy has been violated or that the room has been soiled are just hysterical nonsense.

I think the issue is that DH is still stewing on this after a year. Regardless of whether you think your child's room is 'tainted', surely you either get over it or not (keep friends / end friendship) and move on.

I wouldn't be impressed personally and have cut off friends for less . But if I had a party i'd be a bit surprised if two friends couldn't wait till the end of the party for a shag. Then I'd be even more surprised that they chose a baby's room - just because it seems odd - surely a baby's bedroom is a bit of passion killer...

However, to be stewing on this after a year is a bit worrying.

I wonder where the OP is?

BTW she said last year but as it's only Feb there is no evidence to say that this was a whole year ago. Also, if you suffer from depression then once something has got into your head it's very difficult to get rid of that thought. The smallest of things can drag you down and the Op saying that the room was now tainted is another sign that he is letting his depression get the better of him.

So I'd give him a break. He's obviously felt that HIS friends (they were more his than hers) have betrayed his trust and it was HIS birthday so he's taken this personally.

The friends were not, afaik, invited to stay over so this appears to have been a violation of privacy in my mind. I don't think it's on for two single adults to sneak upstairs into a child's bedroom to have sex without the knowledge of the host. As this thread illustrates, lots of people have different opinions on this but I do think that in the OP's case, these friends were taking the piss and it's not something I would be very happy with at all.

My thoughts exactly MsGee. OP said they are more his friends that hers. What's he taking it out on the rest of the family for? It seems like there's something going on between OP and her DH.

As for the sex in the bedroom, yes, a bit ick over here too.

Was it never discussed with the sexpots? I'd like to think I have more restraint but if I was overcome with drunken lust and did this I would be mortified the next day.

sexpots!

I hate it when someone starts a thread and then buggers off!

its just rude.

DesperatelySeeking - '...because she'd found 3 people shagging...' 3 eh, that's some party!

OP - I'd feel a bit if someone did this in my DCs room but would get over it by constantly taking the mick out of them at EVERY opportunity. Sounds like it's actually your DHs depression that is making this more of an issue (which is understandable).