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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DH to ask his dad if he would consider lending us some money so we can afford the deposit on a house...?

276 replies

josben · 05/02/2012 21:42

hi, just wanted a general opinion on this... we are currently between houses (staying with my mum) and we probably need to borrow an extra £5,000 to afford a 4 bed house that we have seen in the town where we live.

But having paid off debts and moving expenses we are roughly £5,000 short of being able to afford a house we want... But DH does not want to ask his dad, and I can't ask my mum as she has no spare money...

I would rather not have to do it but if we don't I feel we will never find a house... we have been looking for 6 months!

We have never asked for or have been given any money from his dad before ...

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 05/02/2012 21:43

Can't you look for a smaller house , why do you need 4 bedrooms?

EauDeLaPoisson · 05/02/2012 21:44

Exactly or a house 5k cheaper

faintpinkline · 05/02/2012 21:46

Assuming you really need a 4 bed then I don't think yabu to ask but if you don't then maybe look at something smaller. Secondly in the event he says yes are you sure you can afford the ongoing mortgage?

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 05/02/2012 21:46

If your dh doesn't want to ask, you already have your answer. It would be very selfish of you to push your dh into this kind of think with hid Dad when he Leary doesnt want to.

HoneyandHaycorns · 05/02/2012 21:47

I think it's up to him really - depends on the relationship he has with his dad, and on his attitude to borrowing. FWIW, I know that my parents would willingly have leant to us when we were buying our first house, but I would never have asked them. I can't explain why - maybe something to do with wanting to stand on my own two feet.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 05/02/2012 21:47

Clearly!

FunnysInTheGarden · 05/02/2012 21:48

is your FIL esp rich?

squeakytoy · 05/02/2012 21:48

I suppose it depends on if £5k to them is a negligable amount or not.

But also, it isnt your Dad, it is your husband's and I think you really have to respect what your husband wants to do in this matter.

Original poster

josben · 05/02/2012 21:48

we have 3 dc's and i want them to each have a bed room.... thats one of the reasons that we moved.... there are not a lot of houses on the market at the moment in our area so not a great choice....

OP posts:

Meglet · 05/02/2012 21:48

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask. But you can't push your DH into doing it, it's got to be up to him and what he feels comfortable with.

On the other hand, if you don't ask you don't get.

FredFredGeorge · 05/02/2012 21:49

If your mum has room for a family needing a 4 bed house, she should have no problem borrowing the money against the house... but of course the reality is you cannot afford the house you want, don't borrow money off family to enable it. Especially as house prices in most of the country are falling.

Earlybird · 05/02/2012 21:49

How did you come to be between houses?
How many dc?
How long would it take you to save the £5k, while you live at your Mum's?

NoMoreMarbles · 05/02/2012 21:50

i agree...why a 4 bed? do you have alot of children? why not rent and save until you can afford the type of house you want without having to rely on your parents?

DH and I chose a smaller, cheaper house and paid for it ourselves... jus' sayin' like...

olgaga · 05/02/2012 21:50

If you've already discussed it with your DH and he does not want to ask his dad, I wouldn't go on about it.

You just need to start looking at smaller houses, or in a cheaper area. View what you can afford. You never know, he might change his mind when he sees what an extra £5k will do but I wouldn't force the issue.

To be honest, if all you need is £5k, I'm not sure why you can't afford that on a mortgage unless you are really extending yourselves to the max.

mumofthemonsters808 · 05/02/2012 21:52

Personally I would not ask him, we have never asked any of our parents for financial help and believe me there have been many occassions when we would have appreciated it.I would literally have to be on my arse before I'd ask for money and the odds are he knows your financial predicument and if he wanted to help he would have already offered.
Sorry it's not what you wanted to hear, could you not opt for something smaller?.I hope you find a solution

lagrandissima · 05/02/2012 21:52

Have you put in an offer on the house you want yet? If you're in an area where the market is a bit flat (i.e. somewhere between John O'Groats and Landsend), I would put in a cheeky offer - leaving room for a subsequent better offer if need be - making it very clear that you are cash buyers and that is what is on offer.

At the end of the day, you might not necessarily need the loan.
HTH

Rudawakening · 05/02/2012 21:53

YABU

Your children don't need a bedroom each and if you can not afford it without borrowing from family then look within your means like everyone else has to or save up an extra few months.

Respect your DH's decision. If you had no where to go and it was a necessity then maybe but not just for having a bedroom each.

Original poster

josben · 05/02/2012 22:12

Thanks for your posts - we have 3 dc's, and we both work but don't earn loads. we have put in a cheeky offer for the house which has been rejected but i think if we put iin another offer with a bit more on it they may accept...

And yes we are going for the max mortgage e can get ... yes we will be extending ourselves... but i think that we need the space at the mo with 3 young children so am prepared to go to the max we can get, when the kids are grown up we could downsize... My mum has a 4 bed house but wouldn't consider borrowing against it, she is on her own and doesn't want any mortgage worries.

My father in law, would be able to aford it i think,, but DH and his sister have been brought to stand on their own two feet so never ask for anything...

We need to move to our own place as i think we are near to outstaying out welcome and i am anxious to buy something rather than rent ... so thats the story really ...

OP posts:

Earlybird · 05/02/2012 22:15

How long have you been at your Mum's?

How long would it take you to save £5k while living at your Mum's? Presumably much cheaper to live with her, so hopefully easier to save much more?

Kayano · 05/02/2012 22:16

If that's the story then sorry but YABU

ajandjjmum · 05/02/2012 22:17

I think that if parents want to help that's great - but I think the suggestion should come from them.

Original poster

josben · 05/02/2012 22:18

we have been at my mums 6 months, we are giving her 200 per month and storage costs are 220 per month, so we should be able to save some money but we do need our own place now really...

I think i probably have my answer - its not fair to ask him to do something hes not comfortable doing ....

OP posts:

lesley33 · 05/02/2012 22:19

I don't think you can pressurise your DH into asking. Imagine if you pressurised him to ask, and DP's father was very angry or upset at being asked. If your DP was happy to ask you would deal with this. But as he isn't, he could end up just being angry with you.

Be honest with owners and say you can't afford more than you have - see what happens.

Earlybird · 05/02/2012 22:20

Did you own your previous place, or were you renting?

Earlybird · 05/02/2012 22:21

How much have you saved while at your Mum's for the past 6 months?

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