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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DH to ask his dad if he would consider lending us some money so we can afford the deposit on a house...?

276 replies

josben · 05/02/2012 21:42

hi, just wanted a general opinion on this... we are currently between houses (staying with my mum) and we probably need to borrow an extra £5,000 to afford a 4 bed house that we have seen in the town where we live.

But having paid off debts and moving expenses we are roughly £5,000 short of being able to afford a house we want... But DH does not want to ask his dad, and I can't ask my mum as she has no spare money...

I would rather not have to do it but if we don't I feel we will never find a house... we have been looking for 6 months!

We have never asked for or have been given any money from his dad before ...

OP posts:
GrahamTribe · 05/02/2012 22:21

It sounds like your husband has been well raised to me. YABU for all the reasons rudeawakening gave and more.

bibbitybobbityhat · 05/02/2012 22:22

Crikey, your mum is very understanding ...

Original poster
josben · 05/02/2012 22:24

Almost all of my friends have been give ££££'s towards their deposits/mortgages by their parents and so I guess I am feeling like everyone gets given money (but i may just have friends with well off parents, theie atitude is don't ask don;t get) sorry if i sounds a bit brattish! Smile

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 05/02/2012 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EauDeLaPoisson · 05/02/2012 22:25

I would ask my parents to lend me money if it meant we would go without otherwise I.e essentials- but because you fancy a certain house just screams immature and entitled to me sorry.

olgaga · 05/02/2012 22:26

You are in a very strong position as a buyer, with no property to sell. Buyers like you are like gold-dust to a seller.

That's worth £20k off the asking price as a minimum. If you do your research (Zoopla is good for that) your negotiating position will be even stronger.

Don't forget an asking price is just that - it isn't the sale price.

EauDeLaPoisson · 05/02/2012 22:27

I never got given money for a deposit not has my brother who can't afford to move out yet. But they have helped us when things have gone wrong

Original poster
josben · 05/02/2012 22:32

we have offered 17,000 off th asking price ... unfortunately their seems to be a bit of a shortage of houses round here so I keep trying to remind myself we are in a good position but sold signs keep going up but not so many for sales unfortunately.

Early bird we owned our last house and Blush we have not saved anything whilst living at my mums...

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 05/02/2012 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ajandjjmum · 05/02/2012 22:36

Shock 6 months and no saving?!!! Surely getting the right home should have given you the impetus to save?

Earlybird · 05/02/2012 22:37

OP - appreciate your honesty, but afraid with this information, I will now say YABU.

You have already had a great deal of 'indirect' help from your Mum over the last 6 months. Even with storage costs and token rent payment to her, your monthly outgoings will have been a great deal less per month than you are likely to pay for a 4BR house. You should have been able to save a significant amount over the last 6 months, which could be put toward a new place.

If you had been scrimping and saving hard to afford the house you want/need, then I might think differently.

Sorry, but those are my thoughts. Good luck.

callmemrs · 05/02/2012 22:38

I wouldn't personally. I think you need to cut your cloth according to your means. It won't hurt your children to share bedrooms.

Original poster
josben · 05/02/2012 22:38

I do not know - we are fairly crap with money, but we do not spend loads of money on going out or clothes, and we have paid off some credit cards. I guess we have not kept a tight enough rein on finances whilst we have been at my mums - we are buying all the groceries and that seems to come to a small fortune...

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/02/2012 22:38

Your 3 children don't need a bedroom each

Fair enough if you could afford a 4 bed house but you can't and I'm sure they'll survive sharing with their siblings Smile

NatashaBee · 05/02/2012 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
josben · 05/02/2012 22:40

I am glad you apprecitate my honesty because i have put myself out there to be flamed now ! Smile

OP posts:
EauDeLaPoisson · 05/02/2012 22:40

You sound like you need to grow up a little and realise its your own responsibility to save money/house yourselves

Dozer · 05/02/2012 22:41

Yabu!

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2012 22:42

The thing is

People tend to 'build up' to owning a large house...if the property market and their finances go in their favour.

To actively buy a house now that's bigger than you need when you can't afford it, is madness really.

If you can't save money now when you're living with your Mum, how on earth will you afford a mortgage and to repay the 5k loan too?

NoMoreMarbles · 05/02/2012 22:43

im sorry to post again but after your last post i wanted to add that YADBUShock with (by your previous posts) outgoings of £420 per month and 2 wages coming in...knowing you have no home of your own...how on earth have you gone 6 months without saving a single penny towards the move? my outgoings are 3 times as much as yours, DH and i both work low paid jobs (national minimum wage in NW england) and we can still afford to save up for things we want...you get a very short shrift if i were your FIL knowing that infoShock choose a smaller house and budget better is my definite opinion.

sorry for being so blunt but sometimes its needed...

NatashaBee · 05/02/2012 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LisaD1 · 05/02/2012 22:46

I have 3 siblings and my fondest memories of my childhood were sharing rooms and the friendship we had we each other.

Your DC do not need a bedroom each, sure it would be great if you could afford it but sounds like you can't so you need to reassess your needs and what you can afford.

YABU to expect help, you're a grown up with 3 children, it is your responsibility to look after them/yourself.

kd73 · 05/02/2012 22:47

Sorry but if you sold a property, have lived and been subsidised by family for 6 months and admit you are "fairly crap with money" I would not lend you £5k as I suspect it would never be repaid furthermore if you are stretching yourselves financially, should interest rates increase etc you will be in big trouble.

Finally, have you considered how much it would cost to run that type of property? A 4bed property will not be in a low council tax band.

Finally how would you feel if your FIL said no?

Original poster
josben · 05/02/2012 22:47

Okay, fair enough - i have asked the question and i appreciate a reality chesck - but it does make me laugh that no one has come forward to say that they have been given financial help towards buying their home from their parents/inlaw Hmm

Nomore marbles, thank you for your post, i am genuinely interested on what things you do to save money ?

OP posts:
Kayano · 05/02/2012 22:47

I am shocked at this thread. I am in a 2 bed ATM. I would like a 3 or 4 bed for a growing family...

But you do what you can afford! And afford comfortably IMO

6 months and no savings is pretty dire. Even if you do the food shopping surely you can save/ menu plan

What if you get a 4 bed but something goes wrong, car explodes, you lose a job or hours cut.

I think you are bu and have serious planning ahead issues re: finances