To want DH to ask his dad if he would consider lending us some money so we can afford the deposit on a house...?

[josben]

hi, just wanted a general opinion on this... we are currently between houses (staying with my mum) and we probably need to borrow an extra £5,000 to afford a 4 bed house that we have seen in the town where we live.

But having paid off debts and moving expenses we are roughly £5,000 short of being able to afford a house we want... But DH does not want to ask his dad, and I can't ask my mum as she has no spare money...

I would rather not have to do it but if we don't I feel we will never find a house... we have been looking for 6 months!

We have never asked for or have been given any money from his dad before ...

They should help if they can, in some cases its the only possible way of getting on the property ladder at all

Wow- entitled dot com! Im gobsmacked!

I think you seriously need a reality check. Never mind buying a four bedroom house, I would just like to be able to buy a two bed flat!

God.

My DH and I have very good jobs, above the national average salary. Due to living in London, where rents are astronomical (and no, we don't live in Zone 1!), we struggle to save a decent amount each month - what we're saving is not far off what you're paying out monthly living at your mum's. It's going to take us approximately 7 or 8 years to save the amount required for a deposit right now.

Maybe 100% mortgages will come back, who knows. But as it stands - we're nearly 32 with absolutely no hope of buying even a two bedroom flat anytime soon.

I have shed a lot of tears over this. Truly, I was very depressed for a while over it. I've shifted my entire outlook to realise home ownership is not a right. It's a goddamn privilege that you don't entirely seem to get.

So count yourself very fucking lucky that you can take on the best advice of - oh my god! - downsizing to a three bedroom house right now. God. If I had to put up with a three bedroom house, I'd be counting my very lucky stars.

bettybat- I agree with you and sympathise. Home ownership isn't a birthright and nobody is entitled to parental help.

Your parents owe you a good decent upbringing for the first 18 years if your life. After that, you owe them. I say leave parents alone to enjoy their pensions!

Exactly slag (teehee!). There's no way on earth I'd ask mine, despite my tears and heart ache and jealously seeing my friends be given 20, 25, 30K by their parents.

Because my parents, and DH's worked very hard for their lives now and there's absolutely no way I would impinge upon their well-crafted finances now in later life. My mother did actually offer my 3K with the caveat that it had to be paid back within 12 months. I couldn't absolutely guarantee that so I refused the money.

I'm still shocked at this dissatisfaction with only a three bedroom house.
The level of greed and entitlement is breathtaking. First world problems indeed.

Have my nice 4 bed house now, courtesy of a loft conversion we did 11 years after moving in. No parental help with deposits. Started with a two bed flat 25 years ago. It really is important to live within your means, and more so. We're currently enjoying low interest rates on mortgages, but I do remember rates of 15%+ at one time, so was a bit [shocked] when the Halifax wanted to loan us shedloads of money when we last extended.

OP don't rush into anything now. Save whilst you can and start looking again in the spring when more houses are on the market. You're in a very strong position not being in a chain.

Bettybat - you choose to live in one of the worlds most expensive cities, directing your anger at the OP is very misguided. Nobody can afford London, unless you are on benefits, an MP or royal.

Heswall, London also has the biggest salaries in the country too. Bettybat wasn't projecting her discontent, she was agog at the entitlement going on, as am I. I live in a cheap area of Britain and would go on the game before asking my pensioner Dad for money for a bigger house or anything in fact.

By the way Heswall, you live in a 5 bed house with 2 kids at private school ( see upthread) so not one to give down to earth advice to bettybat working hard at trying to buy a 2 bed flat.

I'm still bristling at you wondering "what people do with their money" I haven't forgiven you Heswall!

Heswall I moved to London at the age of 18, not having a care in the world nor thinking about oh, I don't know - the best place in England to buy a place to live!

I have carved out a very good career for myself that would not have been possible in my hometown. My salary is well above national average - but if you factor in the disparity between house prices here and up North - it all evens out. So your point counts for nothing because if I had stayed where I was, where house prices average at 60K, I would probably be earning a third of what I am now. And my point would remain the same.

The OP has a stupid sense of entitlement. Since when was it something to moan about - not being able to buy a 4 bed house that is clearly out of their finances?? When has a three bedroom house not become enough?? I don't get it, and it shocks me. Not that I can't afford my own place, but that they would ask to borrow money because apparently - they really desperately need four freakin' bedrooms!

But yeah, you're right. I choose to live here. I also choose to support myself, to live within my means and not maintain a ridiculous sense of entitlement. Nor do I choose to put my parents in the awkward position of having to refuse lending me money, dipping into their pension or putting pressure on my DH to ask for the money.

I too moved to London with my napsack on my back at 21 followed by my cat. Upon realising the streets were not paved with gold I saved and saved and then buggered off back oop north. One pays ones money and makes ones choice.
The country doesn't revolve entirely around London so no point in being upset that you are competing with Russian tycoons for property when there is a perfectly good M1 to take you away from it all.

I don't believe I said anywhere I was upset with "competing Russian tycoons for property"

I don't think I made any mention or complaint about being priced out of the market. Anywhere in my posts. At all.

I don't think at any point I made anything of being priced out, though that's definitely what's happened here in London. Personally, I think I'd be a complete mug to spend upwards of £200K for a two bedroom flat. I am not moaning about not being able to afford it. My post was to demonstrate to the OP that she should regonise quite what she's got, to recognise herself when she can't afford something, and that it's irresponsible to bring other people into her so-called needs.

I take issue with the lost grip on reality by the OP and it is a shock to someone like me who recognises when I am priced out - when I understand I can't afford something. I could easily take the 25K equity loan offered by the Government and buy a home but ummm, yeah, I'd kind be struggling to meet my mortgage repayments then.

Oh - wait - what was that? Oh yeah - simple economics.

OP can't afford the house. As many other posters have pointed out if she could, she either wouldn't need to borrow an additional 5K or her bank would extend the mortgage offering. Either way you cut it, she can't afford it. And what really gets me is the complete lack of appreciation for what she can afford. Why - I'd really like to know - why is a three bedroom house not good enough for her?

Heswall- what rot! Plenty of ordinary non tycoon types can afford to live in London, they just have to save a bit longer that's all.

I admire bettybat's stance on being self sufficient and working hard to get where she is in her career. I'd bet that if she did head up the M1 as you so empathetically prescribe, it would mess with her career. She is doing it the long, slow way and not blaming anyone else.

Unlike the OP who feels hard done by because she "only" has a 3 bed.

curiousgeorgie House prices / the cost of living etc has risen much more sharply than the average salary. Thats a fact. Thats why parents should help.

I am assuming that you don't actually think they should help but perhaps help if they can? My parents were both working 40 odd years ago and couldn't afford to buy a thing!

Heswall No wonder you have a 5 bed house if you live up North! I live on the edge of London, if I moved up North I could afford a bloody mansion at the same price as my house here!

Bettybat - I feel your pain as we are the same age, same city and same situation. The future (and present!) is cramped and rented...

YABU to put pressure on your DH to ask your FIL for money if he doesn't want to

Of course you are not being unreasonable at all. You are asking for a relatively small sum. Lots of people I know have had help from their parents. I know several where their parents bought their first house outright! Families are there to help each other. On the continent that would be normal practice. We have had lots of help, our parents had lots of help and we will give our dc lots of help.

dikker- but a lot of parents can't afford to! It's then embarrassing to ask them!

My Dad was one of nine and had no help from his parents. Apart from a good (if frugal) upbringing and loads of moral support and being encouraged into higher education, I had no financial help from my parents.

What's wrong with earning your own way and not relying on the Bank of Mum and Dad?

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and eats forever.

Teach a man to fish and he eats forever, sorry.

And £5k is only a relatively small sum to people with a lot of money.

To parents with, say 10k in the bank, it is half their life savings, so not "relatively small" at all, but relatively large!

offer 5k less

I do think YABU.

I bought my first house with a deposit of £15,000.00 from my mum.

Does that make me a hypocrite? Well, I inherited that money from her when she died, quite unexpectedly, when I was 21.

I'd give the money back in a heartbeat if it meant I wouldn't be without her.

Aww, hatesponge that's bittersweet.

Lesley33 - Not my dad, my FIL, I'm not entirely sure what he did but worked in the offices in wandsworth, in no means a high paid job, an average one.

He didn't have a massive deposit, and he did afford a 3 bed house in morden on his salary alone, I imagine it was around 40 years ago.

Morden isn't the best area, but my parents did the same thing in Ewell.

These days my DH and I (not only had help) but had to use both full time salaries, a massive deposit and a ruthless broker to be able to afford our house. And it isn't a three bed semi in a nice area.

And I don't think 'parents should help if they can'... I think when you become a parent, you have to be prepared to help your child, and should adequately save for that eventuality. Thats what we're doing. Or they will be in rented all thier lives paying someone elses mortgage? no thanks.

And I think the people telling the OP she's being greedy or whatever for wanting a 4 bedroom house instead of a three... really??? It is certainly not greedy to need only a £5k extra push to give your family everything you want them to have! Its just common sense... with solicitors fees, estate agents fees and the cost of moving, why not make a bigger leap now with help than have to do it all again a few years down the line??

I'd say, again, tell your DH he has to ask his father. Its only a question.

curiousgeorgie What?! You don't think that parents should only help if they can? Instead you think they should help even if they can't?! How does that work then? They sell a kidney? Get into debt during their old age? Well what exactly?

Agree Gluesticks.

If the bank won't increase your mortgage by another £5k (really?) it sounds like you are going in well over your head. Look for a cheaper property, you can't tick all the boxes if you are pared to the bone money wise, cut your coat according to your cloth and all that.