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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pretty upset that ds1 has been assessed as overweight and not to find any of the 'Top Tips' relevant to us?

371 replies

lecce · 31/01/2012 20:19

Ds1 (4.10) was weighed and measured at school and we received a letter today telling us he is on the 91st BMI centile and therefore is just into the overweight category.

Of course I am upset. I had no idea there was a problem. I suppose he does look a little more 'solid' than some children, indeed some children I see do look particularly tiny. Ds has no rolls of fat, no double chin and his tummy still sticks out a bit (only noticeable when naked) and you can see and feel his ribs.

The last time he was weighed and measured (about 2 years ago) he was on the 75th centile for height and the 50+ for weight - so longer than wide. However, now these seem to have swapped over and he isn't so tall but appears to be chunkier.

I have always considered his diet to be good. The booklet the NHS have sent is full of tips about cutting down on biscuits, crisps etc but we very rarely have these. We don't keep biscuits in the house, or crisps. He loves all fruit and mostly snacks on that or oat cakes but he doesn't snack a huge amount at all. We may put peanut butter on the oatcake, but spread it thinly. Puddings are fruit, alone or with Greek yoghurt. About once every six weeks or so we bake flapjacks or fruit muffins. We visit MacD's once every six weeks or so. Dh cooks all our meals from scratch - pasta sauces etc. I noticed today he'd put a little butter on the potatoes and carrots - should we not be doing that at all?

Among my friends, I am considered on the strict side regarding food but, in fact, nothing is off limits but it is limited, iyswim. His diet has a few 'naughty' things in it but is basically pretty good and very low on processed food. He only drinks water with the occassional glass of milk or carton drink when we are out - a couple of times a month.

He walks to school, goes to the playground for 30-40mins every day, has swimming lessons once a week, dance lesson once a week and uses his scooter, balance bike or legs Grin both days of the weekend pretty much without fail. He is not a total whirlwind, like some boys his age, but that is just his nature and he's certainly no couch potato either.

I just feel so down about this - like we have let him down. The letter is saying about how he is likely to suffer from health problems and be overweight as an adult and I could just cry. Yet looking through the tips, we already do pretty much everything they suggest. I really didn't think young children were supposed to follow a 'low-fat' diet, I though it was about balance but we've obviously got it wrong Sad.

Would love some suggestions from anyone about what we could do about this.

Btw, I am not overweight (slightly under) and dh is a little but he is ridiculously tall so hides it well! We all eat the same food, pretty much, though not the same portion sizes, obviously.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 31/01/2012 20:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whackamole · 31/01/2012 20:22

Another one of these?

OP, he is slightly into the overweight category and you can see his ribs. Just forget about it. If he is not gorging on sweeties and crisps and he generally eats well, then forget about it!

Seriously, chill out. Presumably you know your child better than a chart which places everyone into a bracket that may not fit them exactly?

eaglewings · 31/01/2012 20:22

It's tough
Think the only thing I'd add is reduce portion size and teach him to stop eating when full, not when plate is empty

eaglewings · 31/01/2012 20:22

Mild manner got there first :)

lecce · 31/01/2012 20:24

We still use the melamine plates so certainly not adult-sized. I sometimes think he gets too much yoghurt - couple of desert spoons over fruit, so maybe that is part of it - suppose that is more than you get in those little muller pots.

OP posts:
Amaretti · 31/01/2012 20:24

If you're doing everything right, I'd just monitor his weight for a while. He might grow taller without gaining any more weight.

MmeLindor. · 31/01/2012 20:25

What height and weight is he then?

I don't go by the book, tbh, but by the look of the child. If he eats a healthy diet then I would not think about putting him on a diet, as such.

lecce · 31/01/2012 20:26

Thank you. He certainly stops eating when full. I cut up a jam doughnut into 4 the other week (i think the second he's had in his life!) for he and his brother to share. Ds2 only ate one quarter and I offered a thrid to ds1 and he said he'd had enough.

We never encourage him to empty his plate - though he often does - and he still gets pudding if he wants it.

OP posts:
madaboutmadmen · 31/01/2012 20:27

You watch, he'll have a growth spurt, shoot up and his centiles will switch round again. then he'll put on weight again before shooting up again. it's how kids do it. Don't let figures and graphs worry you, you know if he has a healthy lifestyle and people are built differently. Don't worry about it, trust your instinct as a parent.

lecce · 31/01/2012 20:27

His height is 1.108m and his weight 21.4kgs.

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 31/01/2012 20:28

If you can see his ribs and if you HONESTLY look at him and think he is ok then ignore, ignore, ignore. Look at the numbers, next time he has a growth spurt he'll be back over that letter-producing line and into the healthy weight category again. He may just be storing up some tummy fat to fuel that growth spurt too. Your attitude to food and diet sounds great. That letter sounds crap, it will make parents like you feel shit and will bounce off people who do feed their children rubbish.

Can you tell it makes me cross....

StillSquiffy · 31/01/2012 20:29

It's so tough, isn't it?
My DS eats a really healthy diet, except he is always hungry, and, consequently, overweight. He's now doing 13 hours of sport a week to try to balance it out, but there aren't any more hours in the week where we can get him out more Sad. He goes to sleep exhausted every day and still we can't get the balance right. No crisps, snacks, sweets and we've scaled right back on the carb front too. Totally out of ideas about what to do next...

YouOldSlag · 31/01/2012 20:30

OP, he is probably about to have a growth spurt. A few inches more of height and he will back in the normal weight for height category.

His diet sounds more than fine to me.

LineRunner · 31/01/2012 20:31

Ignore it, ignore it.

If you had done the measurements re: my DS last year, he'd have been 'overweight.'

He isn't, he wasn't, he was 13 and fit and sporty and eating crazy amounts and now he's growing upwards again, and two years previously he would have been 'underweight' and aaaargh.

You love your DS and care about him and his diet; and just try to keep him as active as you can.

rhondajean · 31/01/2012 20:33

Bmi is a terrible indicator of healthy weight, it is ridiculously flawed, especially in children. As long as you are feeding him as you say and not deluding yourself, I would stop stressing. Honest.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 31/01/2012 20:33

If you know your ds has a varied diet and active lifestyle then do not worry. My dd was put in the obese category last year but she has been off the charts (99-104th %iles) for weight and height since she was a year old and despite our efforts to feed her a varied and healthy vegetarian diet and make sure she is active and healty that is where she remains. She is a tall heavy child and has been all her life, her older brother is tall and slender and her younger sister little miss average - so although it is horrible to be told in a letter that your child is overweight I use commonsense, my knowledge of my own family and their builds and the reaction of health professionals to my daughter which have all been positive.

I know that she is healthy and active, I don't overload her with food, her portion sizes are appropriate and I only make her try foods not force her to finish everything.

aldiwhore · 31/01/2012 20:34

Loads of activity, and really go back to basics withthe food. A little butter of veg can actually be a lot if its also in the mash, and the meat bit.

I do slimming world, and it really brings you back to what the bits to watch are. My son has finally got back into a normal pair of school trousers.

He's 8 and was in 9-10 because of his height (tall boy) but the waist was tight, I had to replace buttons and he wasn't comfy at all. With more long walks at the weekend and by following recipes out of my Slimming World books, he's on track to being back into the right trousers!

Don't fret. Just acknowledge that a bit of butter and 1/4 of a donut for you won't make a difference, but for him it could. The beauty of SW is that its easy and everyone can eat it, plus you don't miss the crap and are just aware of it! You have 15syns a day (mostly things that contain fat and/or sugar) a jam donut is 12, and a teaspoon of butter is 4! So you can see how just a few little things can affect a person's weight...

Check it out. My son doesn't even know he's been 'on a diet' we're just doing things differently and I can see the results clearly. x

GingerWrath · 31/01/2012 20:36

This makes me seriously sad. Children that young need saturated fats in their diet for brain development. BMI in adults can be a bad thing and in children that are having growth spurts they should not be quoted. I very much live by 'everything in moderation'. Children should be allowed to have the odd candy floss at the funfair or ice cream at the seaside. As long as their diet is otherwise balanced, what is the big deal?

Overtiredmum · 31/01/2012 20:36

I had exactly the same when my DS was in Reception and it really angered me. He was classed the same as being overweight.

DS (as has my DD who is 2.7) has always been in a high percentile since birth. He is now in Y2, so will be 7 in June. He is 4ft 2 in tall and weighs just under 4 stone. To look at him naked he does not have an ounce of fat on him and is very active and has a very good and varied diet. He eats all his school pack-up, then has a snack when he gets home at 3pm, then has dinner at approximately 6pm.

Like others have said, I think they will even out as they get older, but I consider my DS to be healthy and happy and certainly not overweight!

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 31/01/2012 20:37

I'm sure the cetile charts cause more upset and confusion than they are worth! My friends DD2 is off the chart for her age, she is so heavy. But to look at she is fine, chunky but fine!

Your son sounds fine.

AnnieLobeseder · 31/01/2012 20:37

If your child is eating healthily and is exercising, forget about the letters and numbers. At 4, DD1 was very stocky compared to others in her class; that was just her build. It's 'puppy fat'. At 6 she has suddenly shot up and got these long skinny legs - I barely recognise her! And my best friend at school was always the 'chunky' one until we hit puberty; then she grew like a weed and is still slender and gorgeous, while I suddenly stopped growing up and grew out instead Blush.

He's fine, you're doing everything right, he's just a bigger lad than some of his peers.

xxmush1983xx · 31/01/2012 20:38

Ahhhh I am having this issue with my 5 year old daughter, she has been referred to a dietician as she is in the 98th centile.....now if you were to look at her, yes she is stocky but very very healthy, her portion sizes are spot on and she is satisfied with them and like your son enjoys fruit and veg. The last thing I want to do is make an issue of her weight. On the other hand, my two year old daughter is classed as underweight and eats MORE than my five year old.....can't win!!!

GingerWrath · 31/01/2012 20:38

SW for a child!? They NEED some fat in their diet!

CMOTDibbler · 31/01/2012 20:39

I agree that he's probably coming up to a growth spurt and will even out again. It sounds like he is leading a lovely healthy lifestyle, so don't stress about it.

lecce · 31/01/2012 20:39

Thanks for all the replies.

aldiwhore I do appreciate your advice but is it really appropraite for a 4yr old to have his diet determined by Slimming World practices? Are you saying that a four yr old can't have butter on veg or bit of cake? I'm really not meaning to be argumentative and it's great that it's worked for you and your son but this is what I'm asking myself - do I really need to be that strict with a very young child who doesn't look fat and still fits easily into 4-5 trousers (he's 5 in March)?

OP posts: