To be pretty upset that ds1 has been assessed as overweight and not to find any of the 'Top Tips' relevant to us?

[lecce]

Ds1 (4.10) was weighed and measured at school and we received a letter today telling us he is on the 91st BMI centile and therefore is just into the overweight category.

Of course I am upset. I had no idea there was a problem. I suppose he does look a little more 'solid' than some children, indeed some children I see do look particularly tiny. Ds has no rolls of fat, no double chin and his tummy still sticks out a bit (only noticeable when naked) and you can see and feel his ribs.

The last time he was weighed and measured (about 2 years ago) he was on the 75th centile for height and the 50+ for weight - so longer than wide. However, now these seem to have swapped over and he isn't so tall but appears to be chunkier.

I have always considered his diet to be good. The booklet the NHS have sent is full of tips about cutting down on biscuits, crisps etc but we very rarely have these. We don't keep biscuits in the house, or crisps. He loves all fruit and mostly snacks on that or oat cakes but he doesn't snack a huge amount at all. We may put peanut butter on the oatcake, but spread it thinly. Puddings are fruit, alone or with Greek yoghurt. About once every six weeks or so we bake flapjacks or fruit muffins. We visit MacD's once every six weeks or so. Dh cooks all our meals from scratch - pasta sauces etc. I noticed today he'd put a little butter on the potatoes and carrots - should we not be doing that at all?

Among my friends, I am considered on the strict side regarding food but, in fact, nothing is off limits but it is limited, iyswim. His diet has a few 'naughty' things in it but is basically pretty good and very low on processed food. He only drinks water with the occassional glass of milk or carton drink when we are out - a couple of times a month.

He walks to school, goes to the playground for 30-40mins every day, has swimming lessons once a week, dance lesson once a week and uses his scooter, balance bike or legs both days of the weekend pretty much without fail. He is not a total whirlwind, like some boys his age, but that is just his nature and he's certainly no couch potato either.

I just feel so down about this - like we have let him down. The letter is saying about how he is likely to suffer from health problems and be overweight as an adult and I could just cry. Yet looking through the tips, we already do pretty much everything they suggest. I really didn't think young children were supposed to follow a 'low-fat' diet, I though it was about balance but we've obviously got it wrong .

Would love some suggestions from anyone about what we could do about this.

Btw, I am not overweight (slightly under) and dh is a little but he is ridiculously tall so hides it well! We all eat the same food, pretty much, though not the same portion sizes, obviously.

I have googled, seems I would have received a letter through the post. As I haven't, I assume they haven't got to me yet.

So what would upset a child more, being excluded from the weighing or the result? Presumably they need never know the result so by opting out I'd be making a bigger deal of it than if I let my child be weighed and then ignored the letter.

Actually troisgarcons we didn't want to sign the consent form but dd begged us to because everyone else had and she didn't want to feel left out - already she was developing a sense of being a bit different from the others! We also had the conversation about her development etc., with her and warned her what would happen. She was till very very upset and felt "fat" compared to the others. The damage was done.

alwayslurkin you're not at fault.

I could blame my mum if I wanted, she was OBSESSED before I was even fat... I think I became fat because of how her obsession affected me but there's no way I'd blame her now.

Maybe that's how it all affected your son. But as a recovering fatty myself, its also just another excuse. He's a man. He has choice. He can blame the world all he likes but you are not the reason.

Strange that I blamed my parents once upon a time, I blamed them because I couldn't face the responsibility to myself.

I agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. HOPEFULLY I am chilled out enough at home, and not overtly restrictive that my children won't have that excuse if ever they lose control as adults.

It is not your fault.

I woud like to add that you would not have found a more active child. We live in quite a rural place and he was able to walk to school daily, play outside straight from school, play for 3 football teams, play rugby, swim twice a week, ride a bike most of the weekend, do cross country, didn't have a tv in his room until aged 13. I despair where I went wrong.

alwayslurkin - A 26 year old should not be blaming his parents for his current weight problems. It is awful of him to suggest that you restricting junk food made him overweight. Parents have in the past always limited their children's food intake from all food groups because basically that's all they had.

Your son needs to take some responsibility for his own eating problems.

Do they take into account the height?
I suppose bmi does.

My 2.8 yr old DS is approx 110cm and weighs around 44lbs. I fear he would be in the obese category but he has been big since conception, all the males in his family are tall and whilst he is strong and sturdy he is not fat. He is clearly going to very tall, his feet are already a size 11. Waists of things are often to big for him.

I'm pretty sure my mil would tell me if he was fat so it isn't just me thinking my pfb is perfect.

The government should butt out, we never had all this when I was at school!

I didnt sign on the grounds it was for governement data collection and was of no valid reason. I don't play those statistical games.

Frankly, like the OP, my kids are all tall and lean and ultra sports - muscle also weighs heavier than fat.

No way was I having my rugby prop forward marked as a fatster for some Government exercise - and quite probably at some point down the line the data will be sold off to other companies for chirst knows what marketting purpose.

I'm ultra cynical - knowing the government sells off eg DVLA information to insurance companies.

Thanks for trying to make me feel better, but I feel so sorry for him. He seems to have been born fat. He was exclusively breastfed until 6 months and by that time he was chunky, huge legs and belly. He was a 'well built' toddler but slimmed down when he started school. Weight yo-yoed for years, culminating in him dieting when he was 15 or so. He got to a reasonably sensible weight and looked fine, then when he went to Uni and I lost control it all went out of control. Now he struggles with his weight although he is a fantastic cook and still mostly eats good healthy food and exercises daily.

By the way he has 2 reasonable weight sisters.

God know what the authorities would have made of me as a mother.

fullofregrets my son is now 6' 3" and has size 13 feet! so go careful.

alwayslurkin - I don't believe your sons weight issues can be a result of having a healthy upbringing. The healthy parents I know tend to have healthy grown up children. I think it must be easier for him to point the finger at you then take responsibility for his own eating habbits. His weight is more likey to be a reflection of his own feelings about something or maybe he has an addictive personality?

Ooh I used the wrong 'to' how annoying.
'Too big for him.'

DS doesn't seem to eat more than any other toddler. Some days he eats a lot some days he exists on air. He does drink a lot of milk though. He generally doesn't snack and although has the occasional sweet treat (maybe once a week) he has a pretty low fat diet I would think. He is mostly vegetarian (eats white meat occasionally and fish often) and as I am diabetic we tend to be aware of how much sugar and fat is in things.

I feel for people too if they simply don't fit into pigeon holes... your son sounds like one of them and I know only too well the struggle (diets work, but not for everyone all the time and I've tried them all) but you must not, simply MUST not accept responsibility. You may be part of his history, but you are not at fault.

Your story is case and point that we're all different. Plus, as parent, you can only control so much. My eldest was long, like a rubber chicken, at birth, he looked like he needed 'filling up'... so now he's tall, and hates sports (fundamentally hates sports, loves moving) and overweight. He's 8, so if I can 'stealth diet' him I bloody will. I will teach him to cook like I do (rarely use fat in cooking, actually there's no need) and hope that he always feels he can have a treat... even then, what he does as an adult, that is up to him.

I didn't allow my 2 to be weighed and measured at school TBH. DS1 was chunky, and DS2 weighed more than he looked like he would IYSWIM. I didn't want them labelled.

I knew they had a healthy diet and weren't over weight. I get really annoyed by these programmes TBH, just because child A weighs more than child B it doesn't mean that Child B is healthier. DS1's friend at Infant school lived on nuggets, sausages, chips, jam sandwiches and biscuits. He ate no veg because he didn't like it, yet he was a real skinny little thing. The way the results are interpretted makes no sense.

DS1(17)is now 6ft2 with size 13 feet. He does not have an ounce of fat on him. DS2(15) is 6ft and has size 12 feet. He weighs just over 10stone, yet doesn't stop eating!

I agree with most of the others. If you have an very honest look at him and really don't think there is anything to worry about (and you sound pretty strict on his diet to me) then I really wouldn't worry. If you are still worried though do you have a good friend who would be really honest with you about his weight?

So much of this is down to genetics surely? - my DD eats an unbelievably astronomically huge amount of food (including lots of sweets and chocolate to be honest - it barely crossed my mind as she is so skinny) and is almost at the bottom of the scale - average height and barely 9th centile for weight. She will thank me for those genes when she was older (am a bit of a pig myself) but I do worry the other way that people think I don't feed her properly.

I've just looked in the charts from my Red Book. It seems he is a bit under 50th centile for height, and about 90th for weight.

It's the discrepancy between the two that gives potential cause for concern.

Are you still itw a HV? It might be worth starting there for bespoke advice for your specific circumstances. Wait and see how he grows is of course part of this, but with such a large discrepancy some sensible modifications would be worth it too.

BTW; "The government should butt out, we never had all this when I was at school!".

If you are in UK, you certainly did! The programme began in the 1940s (and was focussed on the evils of malnutrition and underweight in those days)

People dont fit into pigeon holes. There is no such thing as a classic size or weight. Some people fight weight gain their entire lives. I have a friend who had lived what I would call an existance with slimming world for 40 years, she counts and measures every bean and is far more active than I am. She only has to look at something she shouldnt and puts on half a stone. She should just give up trying to be a size 12 and settle at what her body dictates - a healthy size 16.

We live a fairly frugal diet, DH is diabetic with high cholesterol - so all the crap was long since stripped out of our day to day diet. But I have one child, who if he neglects sport through injury, does tend to gain weight easily, the other two don't.

Some people have a propensity to carry weight, some look malnourished despite eating like the proverbial horse.

I agree with skyblue about your son always. If you look at the kids of massively overweight parents who live off junk they are often also overweight so having access to junk food at all times doesn't mean you don't crave it. Also you have 2 other children who have been fed a healthy diet and are not overweight.
The reasons for people overeating are complex and down to a combination of nature and nurture.
I think maybe your son sees blaming you as the easy option rather than taking control of the situation and losing the weight. Try and support your son but don't condone him blaming you - you will be doing him no favours.

I know everyone says you should ignore the advice but I think you should take it on board. It's there for a reason. Slowly work on things without him knowing. I'm not advocating slimmers world at all but you could look at portion size, also giving carrots/celery/cucumber instead of fruit which has lots of sugar, making sure the milk given is skimmed, giving natural yogurt instead of greek, rice cakes insted of oat cakes, also more veg then carbs/potatoes in a meal. I'd also look at getting him more physical - football or some other clubs.

He is definitely over 50th centile for height, he is 110cm.
I don't have my red book to hand because I'm not at home but last time I checked he was over the 90th centile for height too.

I stand corrected re not happening when I was at school!

Frankly, if the government ws that concerned about obesity it would pass laws banning just about everything and put us on a WW2 rations diet.

Skybluepearl you have just 100% utterly advocated Slimming World.

Most people are ignorant about the bras tacs of it, but you've just done a much better job than I could ever do.

Apart from the milk... a 4 year old needs whole milk as far as I'm led to believe.

While I know nothing about child weight and don't want to push you in any direction...

The reason that greek yogurt tastes better than normal yogurt (not low fat or anything) is that it is made with whole milk with added cream. So it has 96 calories per 100g compared to about 70 for plain yogurt made from whole milk.

Ingredients here.

It is lovely stuff though and I imagine that with fruit is better than sugar filled fruit flavour plain yogurt.

We have 0% total yoghurt with berries and honey. Awesome.