Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

Surely seeing a social worker would be no worse than the primary visit from the health visitor, unless ofcourse there is something wrong with your parenting.

I doult that my parenting is any better or worse than the average social worker.

I agree. Did you read what the emergency SW said to me when my "case" was closed? It wasn't that terrible compared the experiences other people have had, and it was awfully insensitive and, well, wrong. If there was no concern why warn me like a naughty schoolgirl? If the warning and tone was necessary then come and investigate properly!

Now off to bed with you and get your rest!

FutureNannyOgg thats the sort of thing my SW would complain about (after the 'big clean up' as we call it) She is under the illusion that I can cook, clean, do homework and everthing else all at once! Even when she has turned up when we are eating, she will ask why I haven't washed the saucepans

The judge makes his or her decision based on the evidence. The evidence is made up of social work statements, other LA documents, such as contact supervision records etc. Statements from the parents and other family members. The guardians report. Expert reports - doctors, psychiatrists, hair strand tests for drugs etc, etc.

It is NOT a question of SW goes to court with a made-up report, judge rubber stamps it, child is adopted. A contested care case will take a minimum of three days to be argued in court. Ones with issues about unexplained injuries with medical evidence can take two weeks.

Your taxes pay for lawyers to represent the parents AND the children. We work hard to present the best case we can. We are NOT stooges of the LA. The experts are NOT dependent on the good will of the LA to produce the 'right' evidence. These cases are very vigorously managed because all in the system recognise that to take a child away from his family is the most serious way in which the state can interfere with an individual's life.

Really, Although I don't agree with my HV on a lot of points, they have never vocalised any judgements on my lifestyle choices or my home even though they saw it in a worse state than the SW.

Ineed, when she first arrived I had been curled up on the sofa all weekend having a miscarriage. Apparently that wasn't enough of an excuse, she also pulled a cats bum face at the idea that I was planning more children as she didn't think I was "coping" with one. When she saw the place cleaned up, she made out that she had miraculously bestowed me with the ability to see and deal with mess, as if I had never seen a clean house before, she was ever so proud of me I'm 30 btw.

Ineed - would you say that you were a kind and loving parents with depression and a bogging house?

Were you always nice to your kids but let the environment get on top of you?

Were you ever short tempered or mean?

:( about the mc
that she (thought she) made you change!

Well, I have had no experience of social workers apart from those I have known socially (and all pre-children) so I am not scared of them. My house is generally a tip and the children have had their fair share of injuries mental boys but I trust that most of them are aware that these things happen and 3 children under 3 means it is not all that easy to keep a spotless home.

T be very clear the safety of my child was never in question as the disability team were already involved with us as we were appealing against the education deptt. decision. I was told by the senior sw that the case was closed. This was before my son left his school and went to his current one. i think this teacher might be as you say - child protection safety staff - ooh i feel all cared about now! I will ask her outright in the annual review meeting. My son is loved, well cared for, we have a strong emotional bond and is the cleanest bewst fed, well dressed kid n school i am told. This teacher phones me sometimes to check how my son has been in the school holidays. She says she does this for all the children in her class (about 6 in her class). i have never seen a sw since those six weeks but i'm glad in a way. It was a fright and a kick up the bottom. They were very good at their jobs and i quitye liked them They were cool :) But still scared, on my toes. Once the SW said something and i took it the wrong way and he apologised still. They can't all be bad. Shame they do not get the recognotion they deserve as they helped us a lot.

Oh and all the HVs I have seen have been lucky. And the last one didn't even report us when OH decided to make some fucking stupid comment about giving kids a crack round the head to sort out their behaviour!

(He's a bit of a closet DM reader)

my mum is a retired social worker. She comes to my house every week to pick up her grandson. she's never reported me despite the shithole I live in. I really dislike the casual social worker bashing that goes on.

I hope I was a kind and loving parent! My children told the SW I was/am

I was sometimes short tempered before I started the ADs, but within 6 weeks of starting them (a year before SS involvement) I was fine. The main problem was the enviroment, which made my depression worse, which made it harder to do the housework, which made my depression worse, which made it harder... you get the picture!

It was a viscious circle, and I hope and pray I never go there again!

Netto

Hope it all works out for you.

I was assured by the senior sw that details of our case would be private at my sons new school. i will find out.

I think there are two sets of parents in need.

People who love their kids, really try, but sometimes get really bad depression. They are kind and loving to their kids. Maybe they have just lost the plot for a bit, it happens.

Maybe they need a clean-up team. Sometimes my parents pay for me to have a cleaner when they can see the house and kids etc etc is too much. SS could pay £100 - £200 for this.

Then bring a Dr to the house to prescribe Anti-Ds and just get PND Mums off the couch.

Then Homestart. Just anything to keep mum and kids together.

No 2 - is cruel parents or who let cruel bfs batter their kids. Those kids should be removed.

From what I've seen through the experiences of friends I think they are generally well balanced and fair. I've never been worried about them but I do know friends with immaculate houses and well cared for kids who are terrified of sw's. It seems like an irrational phobia to me. I'm not tidy and am probably one of the messiest amongst my friends but I still don't worry because I know that should I ever be involved with them they'd see that I'm generally what would be considered a normal parent.

Spero Cafcass are supposed to represent the children as well aren't they? Laughable, if it wasn't true

If there was a concerted effort on the part of social worker to take childrne in order to boost adoption targets then they're doing a shit job of it. They predominantly taken older children who are impossible to place and are relatively rarely even available for adoption.

In 2011 65, 520 looked after children (up 2% from 2010 ), only 3,050 were placed for adoption (a drop of 15%) only 60 of those children were babies (under 1yr) and of those who were adopted they wait an average of 2yrs 7 months in care.

I hope these social workers aren't paid bonuses on the success of getting lovely little babies placed for adoption or the speed of adoption or the numbers of adoption.

They wouldn't be very rich if thats the case. And I guess why most social workers aren't.

I understand your concerns - I have had involvement with social workers for about 9 years both personally and through friends, both good and bad and am no apologist for sloppy or biased social worker. But the numbers just don't bear out this fear of baby snatching social workers.

Having a messy house was nothing to do with how i treat my child - physically, emotionally etc. but i guess it might come under the umbrella of neglect. It does leave me feeling vulnerable to judgey idiots who know nothing. I was ashamed as before my son was born i'd never knowingly met a social worker.

Jugsy, but what do you propose for the parents who have help and support but cant or won't change? I had a client who had a 'deep clean' paid for several times by SS. Workmen refused to go into her house to mend stuff because the smell was so bad. A SW organised a skip for her to chuck rubbish in. It sat outside her house for a year, untouched. They left it about ten years too late to take her child into care: child now utterly screwed up and in a residential home.

So I think there is a third group and they are the hardest. They loventheir children, they know something has to change but they just can't seem to do it. Youleave a child in that kind of environment for a few years, you have blighted that child's hope for a better future.

Some of my closest friends are SW's.

It's a job, not an identity.

"Cafcass are supposed to represent the children as well aren't they?" in my case my son was allocated a guardian ad litem to protect his interests and she appointed a family law solicitor (paid for by the tax payer) I have no idea what CAFCASS involvement was.

Why oh why would a social worker 'lie through their teeth' in order to 'get what they want' or 'remove a child'?! (no body ever wants to remove a child from their family, why would they 'want to'?!)

It makes no sense, there are thousands of abused children out there, why would they waste time and resources on the children who aren't at risk? Trust me, they don't.