Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

No it is a teacher and child protection didn't even know about us!

Just a humourous aside here. Report on me:

Bit of a slag.

Smokes B&H Gold, puts school uniforms in the dryer with a wet cloth and FOLDS them rather than ironing. Takes bra off the minute she gets in the house. Leaves ironing board up, despite never using it. Brings McDonalds home for tea sometimes. Kids eat cold chips. With salt and ketchup.

Has a "sock bag" which is a free for all rather than pairing and folding socks. Uses ready sliced chicken, frozen mashed tatties, frozen sliced carrots, frozen peas and gravy granules as a "roast dinner". Serves it to the kids in a bowl, each.

Lets the dog sleep on everyone's bed.

Quite fat and insolent. All kids only have 1 pair of play shoes and 1 pair of school shoes. As does Mum.

But Going whichever branch of SS were helping you, gets fed back to your childs school. The teacher there that "keeps an eye on you" is probably one of the Child Protection / Safeguarding staff.

Nothing is really private once SS are involved - whatever capacity, be it behaviour, Special Needs or Safeguarding.

No I would not worry, even of a social worker came today when I have piles of washing and ironing.

Ironically my health visitor referred me to a gp with my first child because everything was too perfect. There was more to it that than that but it was a big factor

Ineed - if your house was manky but your kids were OK and safe and loved I think that SS should have left you alone.

At best just seen whether you were depressed and maybe need one of those women from Homestart.

A manky house should not be enough to remove kids. It shouldn't be anyone's business whether your house is a bit bogging.

"No, but the judge bases his decision on the reports that SS produce."

This report will not just contain the findings of the SW. For example, if abuse is cited, medical professionals may have input, A&E reports etc.

I saw upthread that you've had a very bad experience with certain professionals and I'm not trying to change your mind. I have no doubt that there are some shitty SWers and perhaps you came across them. I just wanted to clear it up for other people. I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I'm truly sorry for what you've been through. I don't talk about this very often I was abused as a child in a 'nice middle class 4 bedroom house' and often felt let down by teachers etc for not noticing and helping me, so I do understand the pain of being let down by those in authority.

crashdoll but there isn't much difference between non-accidental bruising and bruising which is due to a medical condition such as DD's.

She bruises on "soft" areas and used to have many fingerprint marks as a baby and toddler.

Over the course of the last decade when I have had to take her for treatment mercifully a few doctors have told me to keep quiet and called juniors in to suggest a cause. Not one has ever got it and had to be told NOT to assume abuse. Which is good.

Actually, from my own safe-guarding training, bruises rarely exist in isolation in any case. They are usually accompanied by other injuries such as welts, burns, bites and a general poor physical condition

A couple of years ago despite DD's ten-year well-documented condition which has always been treated and no appointments missed, we were flagged up to SS who close the case without seeing us having got in contact with the school and her specialists who reported no concerns and the twat on the phone told me to just hope that we never heard from them again Way to treat someone you have never met who has a child with a life-threatening illness

I once saw a programme about a family of three boys who all had the same (genetic) problem and they were all removed and adopted separately before the eventual diagnosis.

I think I saw that programme, too. But the parents were what would have been called esn in years gone by. They appeared not to understand basic hygiene or nutrition. It was very sad, but the man was very "controlling" and never showed his face again once challenged. I felt very sorry for the "girl" but think she made the right, if very difficult, decision, as far as the children were concerned.
As for the social workers, I wasn't too impressed, but they did their job. At least seemingly effectively this time.

It seems to be so in in inconsistent. I referred a family to social services after a home visit. There was human excrement on the floor, stripped live wires on the floor, babies and infants drinking from old abandoned bottles of sour milk, constant accidents due to neglect etc. Support was put in place but all six children remained.

Thanks Jugsy!
I was depressed, since DS2 was 6 months old. Then when he was 3, their Dad left me which bought things to a head as it were. I went to the GP, got tablets, and was trying to get my life back on track.

Then my step-sis called SS on me. My Dad went mad at her, told her if she was that concerned she should have told him, and that he would have turned up on my door step, with a bucket of cleaning stuff, and a stick to beat me with!

That was a year ago now. I am off the tablets, have a meeting tomorrow where SS are closing the case, am back with the boys Dad and have a tidy(ish) house :)

Mists I should have said that medical conditions are obviously taken into account and context is everything. A couple of random bruises on an otherwise well-adjusted child from a home in which there are no concerns are a whole different ballgame to one in the programme on BB2 last night.

Blimey but for the grace of god go us all. There was a period when DH was working away for 6 months and I was working full time as well as caring for 4 children, 1 under 2. It was really really hard and the house was a tip, we had domino's pizza once a week, indian on a friday and I was so stressed I smoked, a lot on the doorstep.
Frankly if a social worker had knocked the door at that time there's no way I could have let them in, my children have beds and bedding but one wets the bed and some weeks the laundry piled up. I have 6 duvets and 6 sets of bedding for that child alone to be sure it's always changed but would they count them or would they just have smelt the wee coming from the utiltity room.
Add to that the fact that my cat if he gets stuck inside the house accidently with my rushing out the door at 7.45am for the school, has been known to shit in the house, all in all could have been a dreadful report landing on somebody's desk.

No, I'm not. I have friends who are social workers, and know the seriousness with which they treat their work and the training they did. I also trust my/our parenting.

Ineed - this is where I think the process of SS and the community/family falls down.

You were in a bit of a hole with depression and PND and if your Dad (Mum? chums, anyone else?) had known you were in trouble they would have come round with a mop and bucket, taken you to the Drs for tablets, got some help from Homestart and maybe stayed with you for a few days to give you some ooomph. And helped you sort your house.

Helping someone sort their house, esp someone with PND, prob takes £100 whereas taking their kids prob costs £kkk

But instead you get reported.

Jugsy thanks for the comment. Unfortunately assessments have not been done correctly, there are guidelines. The social worker has done her best to ensure we do what she says and have no say in it at all. Like I said, I am not alone in finding this and what the hospital have been completely different to what she says, but she simply does not listen.

But I'm sure you, with all your knowledge of the situation, know better.

But DD is sometimes covered in them and looks as if she has been beaten with sticks! No professional should assume that educated parents who keep a decent house are incapable of that. Just saying it is more complex than it appears. I couldn't sleep at night having to make decisions like that though so fair play to those that will assume responsibility. Someone has to investigate but individuals or single teams should not be able to wield the power that they do in isolation and with no legal recourse for the accused, or right to bring non-approved medical witnesses to court for example.

I'm not scared of them, but I am more wary after recently being involved with one of the bad eggs.

Some nasty git had put false accusations in against us anonymously. Not just misunderstandings, but bare faced, obvious lies. It was clear as soon as she arrived that they were unfounded. She complained I hadn't picked up the post from that day, she complained about dishes (pots soaking) in the sink. When she came for a second visit she said that the crumbs I had left from making my breakfast (as she arrived), some fruit past its best in the fridge, a full (but not overflowing) bin and some sauce splashes on the hob constituted neglect as "failure to provide basic hygiene"). Her report was full of lies and exaggeration, when I wrote and complained about it, she rang my husband and told him I was lying and it was "our word against hers". I found out recently that the same SW had removed, without authority, a child from one of DH's co-worker's families. We called in her managers, and had a new SW assigned, who signed off our file on the first visit. Not every vulnerable family would have the confidence to do that.

Most SWs are lovely and dedicated, understanding and fair, I am sure, this one seemed to be on a power trip or hero complex. You just don't know until they are in your house what you are getting, so I would be more cautious about who I invited in and when in future.

hidden your view is most probably utterly understandable and true. But there's also truth in the view that mostly SW are not to be feared.

A family friend had an awful experience at the hands on one SW being slightly unhinged, which snow balled into a horrendous catalogue of events... so I have no doubt it happens.

However, by and large, I do not think a SW is evil, most are far from it.

I'm sorry you went through the things you did that made you feel the way you do, I also think its important to remember that for every good SW there is one that's not so good. So your contribution, which is based on fact, is as valid as the next person's, which is also based on fact.

You shouldn't be silenced or dismissed.

I'm not in the least bit scared of social workers. They might be a bit scared of me if they were to visit though. Spotless(ish) house, well behaved children(ish), all mod cons, no smoking, affectionate cats, probably be offered a cup of tea in the drawing room. Not sure what we'd talk about though

Mists As I said, context is everything. If a child was covered in bruises then it should be investigated as in "why is this child covered in bruises? bullying? medical condition? something else?". I just don't feel it would helpful bulldozing into your home accusing you of something. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself clearly, I'm exhausted. I'm trying to say there are ways of investigating in order to not isolate parents and put them on the defensive.

Incidentally, I am under no illusion she could ever have taken DS away from us, but for the 3 months it took to close the case, it made our lives very stressful indeed. We made the decision to move (final straw) because I no longer feel comfortable or as if I have privacy in this house.

Exactly Jugsy. I had stopped people coming round, always had excuses not to let them in so I am to blame, but my step-sister could have done things differently.

I also agree with Molly that is is so inconsistent, depending on what a SW thinks a house should look like. Like I said mine thinks there should NEVER be any toys out!

The one who worked with DD and I lied, and lied, and then lied some more.
I was taken to court, then lied to a few more times, and now the bloody children's reporter is lying.

I have to see a new SW tomorrow, for reasons I can't fathom, and if I don't, they won't drop the court case.
The court case was to force me to have SW involvement, the involvement I asked for and never refused.

It makes no sense to me at all.

I don't trust any of them.

They've never tried to take DD, but then she's a rather mouthy ten year old, not a baby.

They did however, refuse to let me contact her when she was in voluntary respite care for a weekend, and when DD asked to come home, which she was entitled to do at any time, she was told a flat no.

I'm going to speak to my solicitor, because I'm tempted to continue with the court case and make them prove the things in the report they wrote are true, which of course, they can't, as it's a crock of shit.

i dont trust them at all the head from kids old school would report the slightest thing so when something very bad had happend and the school contacted them they didnt do anything,was reported in a hearing that a sw when finally giving in and said they would vist was laughed at by other staff and said what do you think you you will find?body under the patio! 2 days later the mums body was found in the garden,dad is serving life for murder,ss let everyone down by not listening.

TwoIf - I have no knowledge of the system - I was just saying I am sure your voice is not as loud as it probably should be.