Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

Spero - I am thinking of parents who are struggling to stick to a parenting plan - do they have to look for work regardless?

I am not scared of Social Services or Social Workers - I don't see them as anything fearful - just a part of the council like the bin men or the people who sort out Council Tax

There will be good ones and bads ones as within any industry / service.

On the other hand, I dislike unscheduled visits from anyone, especially with a small baby as I wouldn't like anyone to see my house looking a mess - but that's nothing to do with fear.

I can't think of anyone or any group of people I am scared of tbh

My (as of tomorrow will be ex) social worker has no idea what a family home looks like. She moans if there is so much as one board game not on the shelf She told me I have too many books, and that I don't need to keep all the photo albums I have, even though they are my sons baby pictures! A friend I know, who's other friend has the same SW grew up in the neighbouring town in Africa, and having spoken to the SW about 'back home' told me that she (the SW) came from a priviledged backround with maids to do the housework and childcare.

At the initial CP meeting, the 1st social worker I had, lied through her teeth. I called her up on each and everyone of them, and made sure it was noted. My Mum then lodged a complaint against them, but we haven't heard anything back.

Would I trust them? Well I do a bit, by which I mean I still have my kids, but I also know that they (well mine at least) lie through their back teeth to get what they want.

I can see why you have a certain view but you must realise surely that it does not apply to the whole profession.

I have wondered if my mother (not a nice lady) would report me to social services for, well, something, anything. I promised myself that I would smile broadly and invite them in for a cup of tea and a scone. I would answer any and all questions, from my daily routine to my sexual orientation to which toothbrush I use. I would let them play with dd. And offer more tea.

My mother was a complete lunatic whose abuse and neglect was almost picked up on - but she said the right things and smiled sweetly and most people didn't suspect. Luckily another family took me in at 15 before her boyfriend took the oppurtunity to rape me.

I am very suspicious of some people who call soical workers 'do-gooders' and sneer at them like me dear old mam

Rita We all had beds with bedding, toothbrushes and food. Also no shit/piss on the floor. My children were still sent to live with my Mum for a week while I cleaned up.

this

Poor fuckers. No doubt the highly intelligent foster parents who neglected raised me did a far better job of caring for a child than these poor buggers.

RitaMorgan - so does everyone in my house (have a bed, bedding and a toothbrush). But sometimes the kids sleep in each others' beds together, on weekends (same sex), because they want to hang out together. Sometimes there are too many duvets in one bedroom and none in another.

Sometimes they watch scary movies in the lounge together (weekends) with their duvets and in the morning there are sleeping kids on the sofa, duvets on the floor and pizza boxes too. And empty bottles of coke.

Sometimes we forget whose toothbrush is whose and sometimes the dog can't make it outside in time.

That is kind of my point, get my house at the wrong time and it can just look wrong!

I'm not at all frightened of them - I know that they have a hell of a job to do and a lot of very vulnerable families to work with - the least of their worries would be my messy house. In my experience sws do NOT want to take children out of families for no good reason.

hidden

I know there are some awful people out there. You can't tell if someone is good or nice, simply because they are educated, or have a good job, or are in a position of authority.

Hopefully they are few and far between.

nope.
mess is mess.
neglect is neglect.
social workers won't mind where you keep last night's pizza if your children are vaguely clean, well fed and not ignored.

Hidden - sorry but the link you gave only gives one side of the story. I don't doubt your experience, but don't think it is typical.

Yes but a combination of the Daily Mail and comments by Hemmings rarely make a balanced report!
It would a question of was the child likely to thrive and not suffer significant harm?

I'm not scared of them at all.i had to see one when I was fourteen because my dad was accusing my mum of all sorts ( they were divorced). I was very pissed off about it and apparently I articulated my displeasure so clearly that the social worker went off with her tail between her legs and told the judge I was perfectly fine. I actually got chatting to her years later and she told me that if anything,she felt intimidated by me! By the way I was a seven stone 5 ft2 inch girl at the time.so,I dare say I wouldn't be too worried if one showed up onmy doorstep now.

My DD had bruises I couldn't explain. I think lots of DC have unexplained bruises, but yes, this is one of the questions that SW's asked me.

I used to be scared of the police and SW's, in fact, anybody in authority who may judge my parenting and decide I was not fit.

Now, I honestly don't care. I have had more than enough SW's popping in and out of my life, and no longer even bother to make a special effort to tidy up if they are due round. I am also no longer afraid of the police.

There are many people in all walks of life who 'let a bit of power go to their heads' and of course SW's and police are no different. There are good and bad, and most I'd imagine fall somewhere in between. Imo, police are more likely to be sanctimonious and arrogant than SW's. Obviously, that is just my experience though.

Charlotte thats not my experience of them. My children were clean,as were their clothes and were eating dinner when SW first arrived. They still went to my Mums. At the CP meeting it was agreed with eveyone around the table that my children were not neglected, but my house was.

Despite this it has taken nearly a year for them to sign me off.

John henming's klaxon is going to go off any minute now. He'll be all over this thread.

Fear of social services and what they might do stopped me seeking help for severe PND after I had DS1. I've struggled with depression on and off ever since (he's in his 20s now) and have never had any proper help with it because I still can't shift this irrational?? fear of them and their interference. I did try the doctor once when I hit rock bottom and was suicidal but he was worse than useless and made me feel even worse. Now I just get on with it and pray I'm not doing too much damage to my family

It costs a bloody fortune to put a child in care. SWs will only take a child into care if things are really, really bad. More often than not, once the situation has improved, the children will be returned to its family.

Op - if they have got no benefits, then I guess it is work or starve. I can't imagine this gov will take benefits away with one hand but then pay for you not to work to follow a parenting plan. There are going to be some hard times coming. Maybe they will bring back workhouses.

Hiddenhome it is horrible you have suffered. I hope you are ok now.

But the fact that you have had an horrific experience doesn't make every social worker a liar. Some social workers are sneering condescending not too bright idiots. But most aren't. Just as some parents are nasty selfish twats who love their drugs more than their children - but most aren't. And social workers know this, they really do.

My worry is that when people post stuff about how 'every' person in authority is a liar, someone could be reading it who is teetering on the brink, who really needs to trust and work with their social worker. It won't help them.

Nope. And I've been investigated by them.

My impression is that once SWs have the bit between their teeth regarding a certain family is that they won't stop until they have removed the kids.

They do have an unbelievably heavy caseload (well the ones in my Local Authority do). I'm surprised there aren't more cases like Baby P's being missed tbh, and I'm in a relatively wealthy rural location.

I think they are "damned if they do", "damned if they don't".

I can't imagine why anyone would want to do this as a profession, it really must be a shitty job.

For the 10% of people they make a positive change in the lives of, the remaining 90% carry on in the gutter, regardless of the help they are given. And there is a lot of help out there - counselling, mediation, parenting classes, CAFCASS, CAMHS, School Nurses, Family Support Advisors, Activities for All (free funding for activies for children in need), Youth Support Workers - you name it. And still nothing changes.

It is frustrating for us as a school. It must be doubly so as a Social Worker.

I'm dealing with one just now in regards to my elderly mother and to be quite honest at times I've near been suicidal.

Worse is, I've found out that I'm not the only one to find the social worker to be awkward at best, downright rude at worst.

There is basically a discharge procedure carers are meant to be included in, she basically didn't follow it. Still isn't following it. So I've had to get the carer's advocate on to it.

All so they see my mother as a person who needs a certain level of care rather than seeing me as being the nuisance which is how it is. The social worker tells me what is happening and if I disagree she gets very nippy, very passive aggressive.

They might have a tough job but they really don't do themselves any favours with their attitude. (And I say they because as I said, plenty of people I've spoken to have had the same experiences with social workers - maybe it is just with those who deal with elderly though.)

jugsy that is NOT my experience. Sometimes I wish it was.

I have only ever had one child removed from home. She was 8. She was being raped by her 13 year old brother and the parents refused to believe her, despite medical evidence.

Awful. Truly awful.