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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you scared of Social Workers?

422 replies

JugsyMalone · 31/01/2012 18:44

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

OP posts:
rhondajean · 31/01/2012 19:30

I'm not scared of social workers, but like I am with any other group in authority, I am scared of the stupidity of some individual members of that group.

I work closely with children and families Sw's and the ones I know are lovely genuine people, with horrific caseloads. Honestly, if you are worried someone will take your child into care for having clean laundry lying around,you have no idea of how horrific some children's lives are.

I also work closely with housing officers and you wouldn't believe some of the photos of houses I have seen.

I didn't like that documentary. I think there was a lot they couldn't tell, for one reason or another. And the house, it didn't look horrendous on screen, but I bet if you could have smelt it, it would have been a different story.

There are some idiots in sw, like in police, law, medicine etc. but hopefully they get found out before damage is done most of the time.

Hidden, I am sorry for your awful experiences. Truly sorry.

Original poster
JugsyMalone · 31/01/2012 19:31

Spero - It is a genuine question I have. I agree that the majority of single parents with a youngest child over the age of whatever should try to look for some kind of work.

But what about those families where the mum/dad is really disadvantaged and it is really absolutely all they can do to at least attempt to keep their kids out of care? The parent is not "disabled" but just not quite "adequate" but is able to just about run a house and kids.

OP posts:
rhondajean · 31/01/2012 19:32

And the reason you stick with work like it is because of the ten percent you can make a difference with.

TrinityRhino · 31/01/2012 19:33

I'm not scared of them but there are a certain few who I wouldn't trust in a millions years

TheSecondComing · 31/01/2012 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gardenplants · 31/01/2012 19:37

I once knew a social worker (in a social/friend context). When she herself was childless, she had taken a baby away from a local family and admitted that she wasn't 100% sure there was a problem. I wanted to be sick and I cut contact with her (didn't tell her why).

My 3yo has red marks on her bum which are caused by her night nappy (she is dry in the day). I have tried changing brands, using cream etc but the red marks persist. It looks like I have slapped her, although the marks aren't finger shaped, they are circular/egg shaped as they are pressure/rubbing sort of marks from the nappy. But it worries me that a social worker could think that I have hit her.

I'm afraid I would never, ever trust a social worker. There have been too many horrible press articles about children wrongly taken away, children taken away to boost adoption numbers etc.

Original poster
JugsyMalone · 31/01/2012 19:37

TwoIfBySea - I do think this is a problem. If you dont agree with the assessment then YOU have a problem. The SW is part of a team who will agree with them and label you as unhelpful.

OP posts:
BanditoShipman · 31/01/2012 19:38

Ineed - I don't know your backstory I'm sorry but if you don't mind could you say how bad was your house? I'm interested because this place is a tip sometimes but I never thought that would be a reason to take children away.

Original poster
JugsyMalone · 31/01/2012 19:40

I have bruises on myself that I cannot account for - let alone bruises on my children.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 31/01/2012 19:42

Not in any way - as a foster carer I see the good ones and I complain about the not-so-good ones so they get retrained .

Original poster
JugsyMalone · 31/01/2012 19:42

Ineed - it sounds like you need/ed a solicitor or your MP!

I think MOST SWs are probably great. But they will always be backed by their team and may just take a dislike to you or your way of life.

OP posts:
Original poster
JugsyMalone · 31/01/2012 19:43

LaurieFairy - so there are some not so good ones.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 31/01/2012 19:45

No, not at all.

I know of a few individual cases (family Sad) where I wish Social Services would do more and be proactive but in my experience they will do anything to leave a child with its mother/parents even when the parents clearly cannot cope and the child may be at risk.

Appreciate that this is a personal view but believe me, removing a child from its home is the very, very last resort (I even trained as a SW, but changed career direction).

diabolo · 31/01/2012 19:45

jugsy I know some SW's who loathe the families they are dealing with (mostly with cause). They still do not take their kids away without a very serious, proven reason.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 31/01/2012 19:45

There were piles of washing in most rooms, clean and dirty. I dont think there were any clean plates/cups etc, I would wash up as I needed rather than as I used things. Bin needed emptying. The boys had put their mattresses on the floor, so SW decided that meant they had nowhere to sleep! My ADs were on a shelf, in the boys reach,not locked away. The fact that they knew not to touch then was irrelevant. There were empty take away boxes in the lounge, and the hallway was covered in post/newpapers.

This is why when people say 'but they have toothbrushes' I know that doesn't mean a lot. Likewise, they DO care where yesterdays pizza is!

crashdoll · 31/01/2012 19:46

There's a difference between bruises that are clearly accidental and purposeful ones - shape, location etc.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 31/01/2012 19:46

I have had cause through my own physical Ill health to be referred to a social worker . ( adult services ).
I was very nervous about her involvement because I naturally assumed they would want or need to get involved with the care of my children .
I am already a working professional mother and felt stigmatised .
However, I can honestly say she was so supportive , understanding and reassuring of my situation .
She is trying her absolute best to support my health needs which is only serving to support me being a parent .

FightsWithMonsters · 31/01/2012 19:46

I wouldn't trust them as far as I could comfortably throw a t-rex.

Ragwort · 31/01/2012 19:48

PS: should clarify - when I say 'they will do anything' - they will not actually offer support and practical help even in very challenging circumstances; sometimes offering 'legal advice' rather than looking at what is best for the child, not the parents, (again, this is obviously personal and I appreciate not everyone has the same experience).

crashdoll · 31/01/2012 19:49

Posted too soon.....

As with every profession, there are good eggs and bad eggs.

I've seen a lot of wrong information in this thread but also a lot of right, which is reassuring.

To clear something up: social workers cannot and do not act ever alone. They do not take your children away. The judge makes the final call and the SW is not the only one who speaks in court.

GoingForGoalWeight · 31/01/2012 19:49

I went through a tough time caring for my son all alone. I let things in the house slide for a total of six weeks. The SW came to my house via an anonymous call. I let them in and they said it wasn't the worst they'd seen but i had to clean my house by Monday or else! Not long before this a little girl in our city was found starved to death so the SW made me and all new caeses keep a food diary. The particular SW were from the disability team not child protection and were mostly very helpful and kind. I am still upset about my experience to this day that i let myself go and the housework. I do worry each time the doorbell goes. This hapened about three years ago. There is a teacher at my soins school who keeps an eye on me and it really grates and is unecessary. I was told and have it in writing that the SW regard me as a very good mother :)

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 31/01/2012 19:50

Jugsy looking back I can see why my children were removed, the house was manky Blush and Sad

However, everyone on the TAC agreed that my children were happy, healthy and loved, not abused/neglected. The problem my Mum had is that they asked her to have the boys, but not once in the next week even contacted her to check she/they were ok. They didnt ask if she had to take time off work, needed money etc etc. That annoyed her.

At the CP meeting, the SW mentioned my toilet, (which was/is always clean). When I said that she hadn't even entered the bathroom, and therefore couldn't possibly have seen it, she agreed!

diabolo · 31/01/2012 19:52

Going - we (School Child Protection Officers) have to monitor past cases, or we fail OFSTED - we have to prove that all current and historic files are up to date and monitored regularly to make sure there are no new issues.

It is shitty I know, especially when the problem was years ago.

hiddenhome · 31/01/2012 19:53

'To clear something up: social workers cannot and do not act ever alone. They do not take your children away. The judge makes the final call and the SW is not the only one who speaks in court.'

No, but the judge bases his decision on the reports that SS produce.

IneedAbetterNicknameIn2012 · 31/01/2012 19:54

GoingForGoalWeight your experience sounds similar to mine, except my children were removed until the house was clean and tidy. They have told me too that they think I am a great Mum, and have referred me for self-esteem classes so that I can begin to think that too.