Are you scared of Social Workers?

[JugsyMalone]

I watched something on TV last night about social workers. I thought they were perfectly reasonable people trying to do a hard job. However, there was this nagging voice in my head saying "if they saw the house right now...." Laundry overflowing (far too much school uniform, a one use towel habit in the house and the dog's muddy paws in winter), mucky carpet (dog/winter/hoover needs replaced), we are all messy people and the toilet seat is broken, again. I desperately need to redecorate.

We sometimes have takeaways or good M&S ready meals and I smoke fags now and then in the garden. Sometimes I get pissed on a Friday with my mates. Sometimes their kids and mine are upstairs playing on xbox and eating chocolate and pizza whilst we get pissed and do kaeroke (sp?) dowstairs. I also hate getting up early on the weekend and let the kids watch (slightly) over age films, with me.

I have had 2 contacts with SWs ever, one to get DS2 into a special nursery (years ago). They were really kind and nice. Another (even more years ago) to get help with points to get a council house due to poor living conditions in a horrible flat, again really helpful.

But an unscheduled visit? OMG - have done laundry and kitchen and hoovering after watching TV.

I know IABU but wondered if anyone else felt this way?

I meant to say does not automatically equal neglect

Boo

yes I am scared of them, have appalling experience of them, talking to a brick wall, i am sure they are not all like this, but i have dealt with a few and they were more like zombie robots than humans with a capacity to think and process information.

Yes, the short version is I am very scared! The SW we are currently working with is lovely and has been very helpful but the whole process has been so invasive and unbelievably stressful it just makes the problem worse IMO - as I write this I am awaiting a 'parenting inventory', which amongst other things will be recording how many times I make eye contact with my children during a visit! I once had a SW tell me that I was too concerned with talking to her during the visit and I was not paying enough attention to my children, err I thought that was what people normally do when having a conversation?

You can be made to feel like an animal in a zoo, constantly being watched (and judged) - not the individual workers fault and I understand it is necessary in some respects but it's just so bloody difficult to live with :(

I am a supported lodgings provider and have worked with SS for over 15 years. I am not scared or worried by them in the slightest.

I have met some amazing SW's and have met some that are a bit useless.

To be honest, it's the parents of the young people who live with me who scare me more. The complete naïvety that they parent well is astonishing. They spend their time blaming social services for there predicament, rather than looking at themselves.

The support they have been given over the years has been incredible, but in most cases hasn't made a lot of difference. It's such a shame, as it's the children and young people who suffer. One of the most important things for me is to give the young person a safe place to live and help them to see a different way to do things, so we can break the cycle of potentially their children ending up in care in the future.

Of course, there will be cases where SW are wrong and make some terrible decisions, but they have such a tough job and are there to ensure children are protected. If that means pissing off a parent by removing the child or children, then so be it. So many cases where SW get slated for not acting sooner - Baby P, Victoria C etc.

We have a social worker due to dcs having disabilities. She is amazing. Goes out of her way to help us, phones just to chat, picks dd1 up from school on days she feels ill and can't manage the bus/walk home.
Can't fault her, she really does her best for us and never judges.

I have had dealings with 17 social workers over the last 2 years.

With the exception of 2 of them, they've all been brilliant.

And I mean personal dealings, not professional.

Yes and no. I feel kind of sick thinking of them, but logically, I'm not. When I was a teen, my social worker was fantastic but that didn't mean I liked her as it was a whole lot easier to blame what was happening on her and SS than my parents. So the thought of them still makes me nervous but it's more a feeling than what I think of them (which is that most of them are great and kids don't get removed from homes for small reasons).

I'm a foster carer. We have to have unplanned visits from our social workers throughout the year, when they inspect the house and do a health and safety check. You can guarantee that these will always be when the house is a tip. Nobody ever gives a damn.

I think it is easy for people to say they're not scared when they haven't personally had horrendous experiences. Until you've personally experienced something like that, you can't actually imagine it. You really can't.

@WillCrossThatBridge

Yes, ha ha how dare those 'po-faced' people not laugh when they and the profession they chose is spat upon cheaply and mostly behind their backs. It's almost as if they have feelings, how very dare they?

Also most social workers do NOT work in Child Protection, but don't let facts get in your way.

I know more than a few jokes about psychologists, but I also have manners and empathy. Something you and your lecturer clearly need some work on. However I expect you'll just palm me off with "huh, no sense of humour". Easier that way I guess.

Zooooombieeeeeee
Zooooombieeeeeee

To “escalate” a case up to Social Care from Early Intervention or anywhere else is really difficult so if you are allocated a Social Worker you clearly really need it.

We had a lot of involvement due to dd's headteacher's insistence that her (fully diagnosed) disability was due to some kind of parenting neglect. Always feel warm and comforted when I think of them: they were the ones who were professional, who listened, who had enough experience to know that not all children are the same.

If I was scared of anyone, I'd be scared of headteachers. And of paediatric consultants- had flashbacks for years of the one who believed dd's symptoms were caused by sexual abuse (because that's the only possible explanation for joint pains, right?)

But I'm quite broadminded so I tell myself they can't all be the same.

No, I've worked closely with them for years. The threshold for SS invention is high and resources over stretched, no one cares about laundry, toys on the floor or when you last dusted

Oh FFS

I have learnt through bitter experience that anybody in so called authority is not to be trusted and will lie, manipulate and misrepresent in order to get their own way and drop you in it at every given opportunity, so, no, I don't trust social workers. I'm sure some of them might be doing a good job, but there are many arses around and some of them are just plain psychopathic.

This. A million times this. Lost a year of my life taking them to court and thankfully winning because they took my dgc unlawfully.

Until you've personally experienced something like that, you can't actually imagine it. You really can't.

A friend has had involvement with them. She was very much that they're out to get her and subsequently behaved accordingly. It's difficult to be a friend in that situation where you can see someone needs guidance but they're reacting defensively.

I couldn't do that job. I think SW are incredible to do what they do when so many parents have this intense paranoia. I don't get it. If you find yourself in a position where you need their support grab it with both hands. Ultimately they want the same as you you, thriving children.

The complete naïvety that they parent well is astonishing. They spend their time blaming social services for there predicament, rather than looking at themselves.

Yes. The threshold for qualifying for ss support is outrageously high.

I've worked in primary school and seen families struggling with addiction/MH/disability issues to name a few. It's well documented how these issues impact children's outcomes if there's no support.

One family I think of, single mum with learning difficulties and history of abusive relationships, her dc has moderate LD's too. Another family, dc with adhd, parent with adhd, no support. Genetics is a bastard in that in many cases it gives people who will find it hard to parent even he most compliant child, a child with complex behavioural needs. What's to be done though?

Now I'm far from a model parent, far from it but it's clear that some people have no awareness of how they're own issues make them unable to parent their children.

We would often discuss this in the staff room, how can we change this. It's great that our stats on teen pregnancy are improving but a lot of the parents that can't parent aren't teens, aren't single etc. What can be done? It's not an easy conversation because it quickly sounds like social engineering but something needs to change. Everyone feels entitled to have children but not everyone should.

I personally knew quite a lot of social workers as we were all in the same local authority union branch and Stewards together. They were great people doing a thankless job.

Many year later due to my involvement with a charity I did meet a few women who did have their dc removed by social services. They all had severe MH issues and there were combinations of extreme behaviour they may have been sectioned, serious suicide attempts, stays in prison, been in violent relationships and been violent themselves. The reason two of them had their dc was removed was becuse they stayed with extremely violent men. One did turn herself around and she had another child with a non violent partner, she had lost her other three dc. She was monitored very closely and as far as I’m aware still has the child with her though I’m not involved with the charity directly anymore I am still good friends with the trustees. She was a lovely girl really, the daughter of a heroin addicted prostitute who had run away to escape the abuse from her Mothers clients in her home as a teen. She lived on the streets for a couple of years. Her proudest achievement to date was she had never sold herself for sex.

I had a twenty one year career in higher education helping young people who had more of a chance at life than most. Being involved with people like her made me decide I wanted to retrain as a social worker. I unfortunately became seriously ill so no career there. They possibly trusted me so much because I wasn’t a social worker. Just a kind ear that listened to them and believed them.

Your worry about having a bit of a messy house is many miles removed from what SS is actually concerned with.