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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think the carer of this girl with learning disabilities needs telling!

575 replies

mummy2stan · 31/01/2012 10:27

I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this I do have one with the so called carers that are with her. Two weeks ago whilst my 18 month old son was sat in a high chair having his lunch, the girl came over started pinching his cheek and saying BOO really loudly and in his face, my son is a shy boy and isn't good with strangers anyway so at first he just stared and then after about 5 BOOS started to cry, I smiled politely at the carer who was stood with the girl saying ......gently.... Gently now.... And she did nothing to stop her until he was crying his heart out at which she then pulled the girl away. And then yesterday I watched as the girl followed a 2 year old around saying ... You've been naughty .... You've been naughty... Till the 2 year old got to her mother clearly upset, then the girl proceeded to try to pick her up, pulling her away from her mother, and all the while the carer is stood beside her saying nothing!!!! Now. Whilst I understand this girl may well have the mental age of 5 she is intact at least 20 yrs old and I don't think she should be allowed to behave this way towards other children. If she knows no wrong in it, then the carers should stop it before it makes other children cry! Why should we accept it because she's disabled? I feel I may have to speak to the manager if she approaches my son again because I take him there so he can interact with other children, not be pestered and scared by another adult. Once again my problem is not with the girl as such, more the people who are supposed to be watching her. Am I wrong to complain if she upsets him?

OP posts:
IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 31/01/2012 10:30

No, you are not wrong to complain.

The carer/assistant was being crap, but she is probably badly trained and being paid peanuts, so I don't know that we can expect that much sadly.

thepeoplesprincess · 31/01/2012 10:31

You don't have a problem with the "mentally-handicapped" being seen out in public? Awfully sporting of you old chum.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 31/01/2012 10:31

"I take my son to a activity centre a couple of times a week and there is a young woman in there all the time who is clearly mentally handicapped, whilst I have no problem at all with this"

How kind of you Hmm

cantletitgo · 31/01/2012 10:34

I see more of an issue in the fact that you failed to pick up your baby and remove him from the situation until after he was pinched and frightened 5 times, than that the young woman is has SN. But yes have a word with the carer if they are not doing their job.

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 31/01/2012 10:34

I don't think there is any need to berate the OP because of that choice of words. While they are unfortunate, I think she is just trying to get across that she is not complaining about the presence of a disabled person, she is complaining that the disabled person is upsetting small children and this should be prevented by the people who are supposed to be caring for her. For her own sake, and that of the small children she is harassing.

She has a point.

YusMilady · 31/01/2012 10:34

Why didn't you speak to the young woman yourself OP?

AtYourCervix · 31/01/2012 10:34

oh god. have we slipped through that damned timewarp again? is it 1960 again?

OP. rewrite your OP in language suitable for this century and I might give you my opinion.

manicinsomniac · 31/01/2012 10:35

YABU to feel that the girl's carer should be doing a better job.

But everything else about your post - attitude, terminology etc - is unreasonable.

manicinsomniac · 31/01/2012 10:36

sorry, I meant YANBU to feel ...

thisisyesterday · 31/01/2012 10:36

i assume the OP just said that so she didn't get accused (as so many do on here) of being intolerant or not wanting children/adults with additional needs near her own children.

anyway, OP you are not being unreasonable. although I think that if it were me I['d have moved my child away from her before it got to the point of him crying... you are also responsible for your child's safety.
but i do agree that her carer needs to be giving more guidance and not allowing this to happen.

i would also think that the carer should be taking her to places that are maybe more appropriate for her?

PurplePidjin · 31/01/2012 10:36

Yabu for using a term as outmoded as mentally handicapped.

Yabu for being patronising

Ywnbu to have a quiet word with the carer if your son is affected by the lady's behaviour, or to politely ask her to modify or stop tge behaviour.

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2012 10:37

To be honest I can't believe you allowed her to scare your child in the first place?

Surely after the 1st or 2nd BOO! You would have asked her to stop or at least picked your baby out of the Highchair?

Rather than have a word with the Manager, why not have a word with the Carer? Confused

GypsyMoth · 31/01/2012 10:37

Take it up with the carer, if she does nothing, then ask the management for advice

Don't think ' mentally handicapped' is a term used anymore. You are likely to get flamed for that alone op

BeerTricksP0tter · 31/01/2012 10:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComposHat · 31/01/2012 10:38

Can you not talk to the woman herself? Obviously in terms she will understand. 'please be careful you might hurt him' if she functions at the level of a 5 year old, she should be able to understand statements like that.
On balance it does seem a slightly odd place for the carers to take her and demeaning to the young woman, treating her like a child, when she is an adult.

Btw. The woman has learning difficulties, the term mentally handicaped is a bit outdated.

GypsyMoth · 31/01/2012 10:39

Is it the same carer everytime?

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2012 10:39

Oh come on, not everyone knows the correct terminology

I didn't know 'Mentally Handicapped' was an outdated term either

I suppose 'SN' would have been a better term but that can mean anything really and I think the OP was just trying to explain the woman's condition in her own way.

thepeoplesprincess · 31/01/2012 10:41

I don't think there is any need to berate the OP because of that choice of words

Why not? If she'd said "Pakis" or "Queers" would you be defending that too?

BeerTricksP0tter · 31/01/2012 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsgottafly · 31/01/2012 10:43

Could you speak to the carer without judgement?
They might have to re-think her care and the times/places that they go to some activities. I wonder if being 'told off'/not to do something is one of her 'triggers' sometimes you can wonder why something isn't 'being done' but it is for good reason.

I also don't understand why you didn't speak to her, she is human, you know.

WorraLiberty · 31/01/2012 10:43

Pakis or Queers would be direct insults

That's totally different to using the words Mentally Handicapped because you don't know it's out dated and has been replaced with 'Learning Difficulties'

These threads so often focus on the terminology used whilst completely ignoring the actual point of the OP.

TheParanoidAndroid · 31/01/2012 10:43

YABU. I don't really care why you're upset, because your whole attitude is appalling.

AbbyAbsinthe · 31/01/2012 10:44

I do understand why it would piss you off - so you need to say something.

But wtaf uses the phrase 'mentally handicapped' these days?

PurplePidjin · 31/01/2012 10:44

Mentally handicapped is barely a step up from mentally retarded. And we all know how well that word goes down.

The term handicapped hadn't been used for about 20 years now. Therfore all the comnents about it being outmoded and outdated.

Sevenfold · 31/01/2012 10:44

what a horrid op, please uses the right terms ffs.
yuck and double yuck