I just want to clarify a little bit, the points I have been trying to make on here:
Regarding the relationships forum....
I understand that women, and men, come to the board usually when they are in great need of others perspective and advice. Quite often they are at an extremely low ebb, particularly in the case of DV and rape. I absolutely do not question their need to do that, that is what the board is for, and it can be a valuable source of advice. People have said on this thread that they have benefitted enormously from the advice they have been given, and I absolutely don't dispute that. I also understand that people who respond to the OP's on the board do so because they care and want to help, and a lot of them have, as has been pointed out.
I started this thread because there were certain aspects of the advice being given that made me uncomfortable.
If someone is experiencing DV they are extremely vulnerable and living in fear then I don't feel this...
'he could easily have killed you, have you not seen the One Punch Can Kill campaign? are you prepared to leave your kids motherless?' Actual quote from the relationships board regarding DV.
...is helpful. The OP could take this reply in a number of ways..
A)She knows, she planning to go, she has support.
B)She's scared, doesn't have the means to leave, and is feeling that if he killed her, it would be her fault for leaving her children without a mother.
In this case you could argue that if she was mentally strong, then the comment will consolidate her thoughts and resolve. If she is mentally vulnerable then actually, an already frightened woman is now even more frightened, and being guilt-tripped by the very people she asked for help.
The thing is..we just don't know whether the OP is strong or not. Is she saying she is, but isn't? I have seen many quotes like the one above. Along the lines of 'Well you're not listening to us, so what's the point'. The point is, the OP wants to talk, not be judged if she doesn't follow advice.
I also feel annoyed that every DP/DH (on relationships) is emotionally abusive, a fuckwit or controlling. Sometimes, that is simply not true. The thread I linked to, then subsequently had removed, demonstrated this perfectly. Even when the OP herself admitted that she had effectively created the issue, she was STILL in the right, he was STILL emotionally abusive.
It does appear that men get extremely short shrift on MN. I was on a thread a couple of weeks ago when a man posted a problem and was eventually attacked because MN is his wife's 'space'. I simply cannot imagine that a woman would be attacked because her DH posted on here. This doesn't make me a misogynist, this means I believe in equality. Misandry exists on MN, it shouldn't be supported any more than misogyny. Does it matter that there is MORE mysogyny? Both should be eradicated.