The relationship section of MN makes my blood boil.

[aaaaaaaaargh]

I will never set virtual foot in there again. I have imprints on my forehead of the keyboard from where I have been banging my head against it. It makes no SENSE!!! I have a jaw like Jacob Marley. There are so many threads like this:

OP: The other day I was a miserable cow, kids were stressing me. He came home to a complete shithole and then proceeded to clean up. I could sense he was a bit miffed at the state of the house so I told him to cook his own fucking dinner. He wanted to tell me about a problem with work, but I was pissed off and told him I wasn't interested, tell someone who gives a shit. He then shouted that I didn't give a toss about him and stomped upstairs. I can't live like this anymore.

Reply: He cleaned up?? How controlling is he? He then tried to make you listen to his work problems? What about YOUR problems?

Reply: He's emotionally abusive, but you know this don't you.

Reply: Definitely controlling, he doesn't care about what you want. He wanted to make you clean up and listen to his problems. Why the fuck are you cooking his dinner?

Reply: He shouted at you? This is abusive behaviour. You don't have to put up with this, you need to really think about how to proceed. Has he shouted before? This isn't normal.

Reply: Well actually, you weren't too pleasant to him. Perhaps you should look at YOUR behaviour.

Reply (to above poster): Great support there, this woman lives with an emotional abuser. Don't speak if you haven't got anything constructive to say. Don't listen to that poster OP.

Etc, etc....

I know that a lot of people in seriously abusive or violent situations have been helped in this section, and that that is an extremely good thing, before you point that out to me.

But some of the replies on other threads!!! Madness.

You're going to have to spell this one out to me, because I'm not clear what you mean.

Aaargh read your post of 17-53 where you critique the influence of posters, then in 18.04 say it's OK. A contradiction.

...due to the bullying, willful and nasty twisting and worst still, in my eyes, misandry of the forum. I can't stand it. It makes me embarrassed to be a woman.

completely agree with that, it makes me cringe sometimes

Mumsnet should be for everyone. Sadly its not. There are too many topics that become "off limits" and too many opinions that simply can not be expressed without certain people going nuts.

again, totally agree.

It must be a bit tiresome spending time and effort on a forum that you don't like.

Seriously, why bother?

"Misandry". Suffering Jesus. What an insult to women's historical/worldwide and continuing experience of misogyny.

The "me too" version of life.

I agree with notfluffyatall's post. It seems that some posters on this thread choose to ignore that there have been comments such as, "Oh well, if you're not going to do anything about it... blah blah blah" and "If people have given up their valuable time to give you advice... blah blah blah" and "Why hasn't OP come back to update?"... I know there have been those comments and they are still there.

I have 'called' a poster who spouted the 'Why hasn't the OP had the decency to post back?" but I'm not going to name them so don't ask.

I don't think people are afraid to post, I think many can't be bothered. MN is a busy site and there's room for everybody, whether they're considered by some to be a square peg in a round hole or not.

The relationships board is generally great, fab posters there, the giant egos of some make it ripe for - and deserved of - criticism. If you don't want to read the criticism then may I suggest that AIBU isn't for you, perhaps hide the topic... or er.. leave? That's the usual mantra, eh?

Ah, Ok. I should have expanded. I wasn't saying that the OP shouldn't take on advice. My criticism is of SOME advice given, it's delivery and its influence. i.e. he is emotionally abusing you (when it's not necessarily the case). The sidestepping of womens flaws, even when she's drawn attention to them herself.

Have followed this thread with interest. I do agree with the OP and think she is unfairly getting a bit of a hard time.

Yes everyone has a right to voice their opinions, but unfortunately there are a few intolerant, judgy and vocal posters on Relationships which means that I just cba to contribute. It's a shame as I think that sometimes the thread lacks balance.

I have also seen OPs told they are being insensitive for posting about their problems (usually OW).

I think all you can do is carry on delivering support and your own flavour of balanced, reasoned advice to those who ask for it if you have a bit of a passion for helping other women through relationship troubles. But if you are feeling a bit out of step with the philosophy of mumsnet as a whole there are countless other discussion boards out there where you might feel more comfortable.

Do you know echt, I just don't feel like a victim.

OffMeTrolley - so let them go nuts. But I find people don't go nuts if you have something valid to say, and say it articulately. And if they do, well, stuff 'em. I don't respect people who don't listen or who willfully can't read between the lines to understand a person's emotional state when posting. That's not the whole forum. It certainly isn't the whole of the Relationships topic.

I express my opinions when I don't agree with a particular post. For instance, I think that depression is poorly understood, and dismissed particularly if it is mentioned in relation to mens' behaviour.

I talk about the choice to FF and CC - not particularly "accepted" things on MN.

MN is a breath of fresh air. The fact that you would characterise discussion between women of differing opinions women as bitching and bullying is depressing.

I see what you are intending, Aaargh.

ROKKAN, really, OWs have to take their lumps. Unless they've been lied to and just found out their chap is married/otherwise engaged, then they're knowingly, deliberately screwing up someone else's relationship, so imho, deserve to be flamed. They need to go elsewhere for help.

BTW, I've never flamed an OW, and rarely post on Relationships, but have zip sympathy for them.

Good for you notfluffyatall. Look at the sentence, I wasn't talking about you. but about the wider experience of women.

The philosophy of mumsnet?

Twisting things and misinterpreting them to fit your own agenda? All I have done is ask for clarifications in how a particular poster managed to reach a particular conclusion, I've asked for evidence of how a particular conclusion was reached and been told to fuck off, called a man, anti - women, pompously told how lucky I am to have obviously never experienced DV blah blah blah.

Once, and only once did a poster admit that she had no evidence and had been projecting.

I don't know many victims, lots of strong independent women.

If no-one was reading the criticism LyingWitch no-one would be posting on this thread.

I have seen people get a hard time on the relationships board, for example when posting about issues like rape/sexual assault. They have been verbally ripped to pieces.

Now that is worth getting angry about, really angry in fact. But where is the outrage about that on this thread?

Precisely nowhere.

that just sounds like people interacting on the Internet generally notfluffy, but perhaps MN isn't for those with very delicate sensibilities?

obviously if you are feeling very picked on you can always bring it to the attention of HQ, I should think they take a dim view of bullying

"I can take direct, I can take robust, no one should have to take personal insults, bating, goading and bullying. I love nothing better than a good debate, but I'm not up for the infantile bitching that goes on here quite often."

I absolutely agree that you shouldn't have to take personal insults, bating, goading and bullying - and so do MNHQ who take a pretty dim view of this kind of behaviour.

Did you report it to them?

Sorry - that was a question to notfluffy

There you go, notfluffyatall, but those strong and independent women are not the majority of women world wide or historically.

Also, misogyny is not something you choose to be a victim, of, it is socialised, normal. As an example,someone who is raped does not choose it, they are victimised, and all their strength and independence will not prevent its occurrence. The individual circumstances of rape vary but its social context lies within misogyny, both in the act itself, and the way it is treated in the courts.

Leave the bastard

and

Your mother is toxic (nearly always the mothers that are toxic, even if it's the father it's still the mothers fault for not leaving the bastard. Oh and DV and EA are conveniently brushed aside when it's their own mother that may have endured it).

MN classics. I'd like to see the other side of the story once in a while though. In terms of toxic, sometimes I think it must take one to know one. Let's see how their children treat them when they reach adulthood.

Did you actually mean to sound quite as ignorant and unpleasant as that post makes you appear to be boobiebrain?

Actually, I wonder if this is the sort of post the o/p had in mind?

To be perfectly honest BIWI the phenomenon was so widespread ibtook it as the ethos of the place. I saw the odd post deleted but no apparent rhyme nor reason to it. I certainly dud not get the impression that the behaviour was deemed unacceptable by many. Although some other posters did defend me and tried to let them see they were going too far.

It's happened on this thread to a lesser degree. Last night there were a few getting all excited and carried away with each other taking the piss out of me and the OP. It's just unnecessary. If anyone's taking this thread personally that says more about them than it does about me.

Excuse spelling, on iPhone..... Again.

But it's not acceptable fluffy, as people have explained. MN state it in their guidelines too.

Its clear you have strong feelings/opinions about it so you could always go back through the thread and report?