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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Little boy flashed me yesterday - aibu to tell his mum?

190 replies

allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 09:32

So I'm walking home from the shops yesterday when I heard a knock on a window. I ignored it and kept walking but then it knocked again. I turned round to see a little boy standing in his front room window with his trousers round his ankles shaking his 'tinkle' at me. Wtf! I turned round, marched straight to his front door and started knocking. And then it got really wierd.

Said boy answered the door and started apologising, physically shaking with fear and begging me not to tell his mum. So I explained to him how naughty that was and asked him where his parents were. He said they were upstairs but plleeeeaaassse dont tell them. I was about to leave it and told him to 'watch it, cos I know where you live' but then someone from upstairs shouted down asking him who was at the door.

Well, then he changed his tune completely and shouted up that its just some 'silly woman asking stupid questions...go away silly lady and dont knock here again!' and slammed the door in my face.

So then I got really annoyed and started knocking again. After three attempts of knocking he finally answered the door and told me he 'hadnt done nuffink' and he's really sorry, he 'just had an itch'.

I was baffled and shocked by his ability to lie and act. Would I be unreasonable to knock on the door and have a word with his parents? Although the lady upstairs was his nan so maybe he lives with her?

OP posts:
Original poster
allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 09:33

btw - he was about 7 years old

OP posts:
BillyBollyBandy · 29/01/2012 09:34

How odd! How old was the boy?

TheScreamingfrog · 29/01/2012 09:35

I would have been shocked too!
Am not really sure how I would have reacted.

BillyBollyBandy · 29/01/2012 09:35

Sorry x-post

I don't think I would say anything as he was so scared, but feel you cant just ignore it. Which is no help I appreciate.

Hopefully someone with some actual advice will reply!

flywiththecrows · 29/01/2012 09:36

i don't know if this is normal 'little boy' behaviour, but the way he changes so quickly worries me slightly.

this doesn't sit right with me at all.

I'd speak to the parent/guardian.

NatashaBee · 29/01/2012 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CardyMow · 29/01/2012 09:39

IMO, I wouldn't tell the PARENTS. I'd report it to Social Services. There is a reason for his overtly sexualised behaviour, and a reason for him being so scared of you telling his parents. Social Services would be best placed to investigate that. There ARE personal reasons for me saying that. IME, telling the parents when he is visibly shaken by the thought of you telling them doesn't bode well for a supportive family environment.

VivaLeBeaver · 29/01/2012 09:41

From the door answering episode it doesn't sound like he comes from the nicest of families. Maybe I'm being judgy but if my Dd started shouting that there was a silly old lady, go away silly lady, etc - I'd be thundering down the stairs, giving her hell and apologising like mad. There is no way I'd then skulk about upstairs while the person knocked another three times and let my kid answer the door again.

I would leave it and just put it down to the fact that there are some prats in this world that you'd never want to assossciate with.

I bet he won't do the willy waving again in a hurry though - sounds like you gave him a fright. Grin

flywiththecrows · 29/01/2012 09:41

HuntyCat, I was thinking the same thing but didn't want to say, I was scared that I'd be shot down for dramatising something that could be just odd behaviour.

But like I said, doesn't sit right with me at all, I suppose for personal reasons too.

Social Services

VivaLeBeaver · 29/01/2012 09:42

I think Hunty Cat's advice is good.

CardyMow · 29/01/2012 09:45

Viva - your comment 'I would leave it and just put it down to the fact that there are some prats in this world that you'd never want to assossciate with.'. That is what kept me in an abusive home situation for at least 3 years longer than I should have been. Because no-one intervened and called social services.

PurplePidjin · 29/01/2012 09:45

Could you phone one of the Child Protection charities for advice? I'd be hesitant to go thundering in to Social Services or the non emergency police number, however you don't know what the consequences will be for the child if you speak to a parent/guardian.

Child line? NSPCC?

VivaLeBeaver · 29/01/2012 09:50

I'm sorry Hunty. I hadn't really thought that deeply that there might be some abuse going on, was just focusing on the boy's behaviour. It clicked when I read your post hence why I then put that your advice was good. Sorry.

YNK · 29/01/2012 09:51

I think a call to SS is a good idea too. You can ask to be kept annonymous if you want, but they might know if there is any 'linked' behaviour to this.

You never know - you might be able to get help to this family if it's needed by just making a phone call.....

Original poster
allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 09:52

Thank you all so much. I was swinging between telling social services, telling his parents and doing nothing at all. just really needed to know what others would do. If it wasnt for him being so shit scared of me telling his parents/nan I probably would have left it. He could be just really scared of a beating. If he lives with his nan, maybe he's been placed there for reasons related to his sexualised behaviour? but I dont think I can just ignore it...

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 29/01/2012 09:53

As well as telling social services could you drop a note/leave a message for the local HV? I'm not sure how SS operate but I'd be worried that as they're so overworked they might think a bit of willy waving isn't much and it might get left.

Health Visitors often know the local families and if there were any previous niggling concerns then this might contribute and if the HV then went to SS as well then that might add more weight.

FlangelinaBallerina · 29/01/2012 09:53

Can understand your concern OP. Could be nothing but you never know. I'd also be worried that if he flashes strange adults, not all of them will be as concerned for his welfare as you are. At the very least, it might be behaviour that leaves him potentially vulnerable.

Heswall · 29/01/2012 09:53

The consequences for the child might be a clip around the ear and told not to do it again. Not how i'd handle it but necessarily a bad way either. 7 year old flashing is not overtly sexual behavior its boys for you my brother used to run around naked in the front garden.

countessbabycham · 29/01/2012 09:56

I'm with HuntyCat here.

Its given me alarm bells all over and its what I thought before I read Hunty's reply.

BigHairyGruffalo · 29/01/2012 10:02

I would report it. I would be worried about who he may flash next, could be young girls or someone who would not be able to brush it off.

ramblinrose · 29/01/2012 10:05

I agree with HuntyCat too.

I would say that a boy acting like this at 7 yo is very odd. (I have 3 sons,the youngest of which is 7).

Original poster
allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 10:06

I hear you heswall but tbh my boys aged 6 and 7 always keep their willys to themselves and don't eveny wiggle at each other, let alone a stranger. Why did he keep knocking in the window till. I turned round?

OP posts:
ragged · 29/01/2012 10:09

The young girls I know would either be amazed, fascinated or very amused, but none of them upset by sight of dinky tinkles on small boy.
I would knock on door & tell the parents. What Heswell said.
I have a daft 7yo, who is shy about his body but beyond that quite daft & could do something so silly, especially if very bored. And child in question may not have been 7, may have been a large 5yo.
With a very ill parent upstairs which is why the didn't stagger down to answer door.
The idea of siccing SS on them and labelling it a "sexual" act makes no sense to me.

Heswall · 29/01/2012 10:11

I'd like to think mine wouldn't do that, but equally I wouldn't like the first I knew about it to be when a social worker knocks my door.

Birdsgottafly · 29/01/2012 10:11

SS would treat this as an indicator of possible sexual abuse, in some way.

If you phone the NSPCC they will put forward the referal, it is a popular misconception that the NSPCC is a softer approach than SS, but any sexual/physical behavour reported to them goes straight to SS,

Op this isn't usual behaviour and something is going on within that childs life, for all you know he might already be known to SS and the more referalsthe quicker the boy will get help.

Do not speak to his family.