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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Little boy flashed me yesterday - aibu to tell his mum?

190 replies

allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 09:32

So I'm walking home from the shops yesterday when I heard a knock on a window. I ignored it and kept walking but then it knocked again. I turned round to see a little boy standing in his front room window with his trousers round his ankles shaking his 'tinkle' at me. Wtf! I turned round, marched straight to his front door and started knocking. And then it got really wierd.

Said boy answered the door and started apologising, physically shaking with fear and begging me not to tell his mum. So I explained to him how naughty that was and asked him where his parents were. He said they were upstairs but plleeeeaaassse dont tell them. I was about to leave it and told him to 'watch it, cos I know where you live' but then someone from upstairs shouted down asking him who was at the door.

Well, then he changed his tune completely and shouted up that its just some 'silly woman asking stupid questions...go away silly lady and dont knock here again!' and slammed the door in my face.

So then I got really annoyed and started knocking again. After three attempts of knocking he finally answered the door and told me he 'hadnt done nuffink' and he's really sorry, he 'just had an itch'.

I was baffled and shocked by his ability to lie and act. Would I be unreasonable to knock on the door and have a word with his parents? Although the lady upstairs was his nan so maybe he lives with her?

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 29/01/2012 10:16

ragged- sexualised behaviour, especially in situations that involve strangers is an indicator of abuse, or at least watching sexual acts etc.

You need to remember that this was staged by the child, he may have even been flashed at by a stranger,but this isn't usual at all and cannot be compared to a little boy 'showing' off his bits to relatives..

Original poster
allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 10:19

See, I was thinking of having a word with the parents and if they seemed like reasonable human beings, leaving it there. You've put a new slant on it for me. I don't want to get anyone in trouble for no reason but really, this cant be normal boy behavior...?

OP posts:
frumpet · 29/01/2012 10:20

I have to say i wouldn't have seen it as 'overtly sexualised behaviour' , not in a 7 year old child . Silly and a bit naughty . I very much doubt a young girl would be traumatised by seeing a 7 year olds penis either , i imagine they would find it hilarious . As for opening a door unsupervised , well the parents were in the house , my dd regularly opens the front door if people knock on it , although 9 times out of ten it is for her !
I just think you have to be careful , as adults we see male genitalia as sexual , a 7 year old child just knows its a bit rude , without fully understanding why .

Heswall · 29/01/2012 10:21

I would gauge the parents reaction first, give them the benefit of the doubt and treat them how you would want to be treated yourself.
If this had happened I would want to know about it and I'm pretty sure if something isn't right you will pick up on it.

Pinot · 29/01/2012 10:23

Baffling.

frumpet · 29/01/2012 10:24

Was nobody else fascinated as a child my a friends brothers 'magic string' trick ?

frumpet · 29/01/2012 10:24

My should read by

flywiththecrows · 29/01/2012 10:25

not sure what you're referring to Pinot, could you elaborate? is it the OP or the responses?

Birdsgottafly · 29/01/2012 10:27

So you would be happy with getting his your child under 7 'bits' out to random strange adults, after knocking on their door?

It is imaterial whether this would have upset another child.

From a CP POV this is classed as sexualised behaviour, how many people with sons can say that theirs have done the same?

I have investigated many claims of sexual abuse that remain unfounded, until something similar to this starts to happen. Very often childen wil ask for helpin very strange ways and sources. As another poster said, it was the silence of others that kept her living in an abusive household.

flywiththecrows · 29/01/2012 10:31

what harm can reporting this actually do?

if this is investigated and nothing is found, then surely that's a good thing?

and if they do find something and are able to help this child then also good, yes?

this boy was not just playing with his willy at the window, he was determined for the OP/a passerby to see this.

he may have done this before and found the reactions funny.

I don't know but surely whatever the outcome it's a win-win?

Heswall · 29/01/2012 10:34

He was in his own front room, dropped his trousers and flashed, he didn't go out into the community to seek out somebody to flash, OP was just passing by his window.
I'd rather mine didn't do it, i'd rather the neighbours kids didn't do it but without any further information my first thoughts would be little bugger, not sexual abuse which is quite an accusation to land on your neighbours would you say ?

frumpet · 29/01/2012 10:34

The child flashed the op from the safety of his own house , he didnt flash her when she knocked on the door .

However i do not work in CP , nor do i have a history of abuse , so i am coming from this from a more ' dont children do the silliest things ' angle .

violetwellies · 29/01/2012 10:35

NSPCC is the way. Cash strapped SS teamster may not investigate, NSPCC will report to SS, it will be anonymous and they expect SS to report back.

Heswall · 29/01/2012 10:35

Is that how you'd like to be treated flywiththecrows, every slightly "wrong" thing your child does gets reported to an official body ?

violetwellies · 29/01/2012 10:36

Teams not teamster bloody iphone.

frumpet · 29/01/2012 10:36

When my oldest was 5/6 years old he ran naked round where we live with a traffic cone held to his front over his penis , pretending he was a bee and it was his stinger . In my defence he didnt go out naked .

CardyMow · 29/01/2012 10:41

Sorry, but I have 3 ds's, one almost 10yo, one 8yo, one baby. NONE of my dc would have done this at 3yo, never mind 5/7yo. It IS overtly sexualised behaviour - and could be indicative of an abusive home life. IMO, Social services would be the best place to call, anonymously.

Either the family will be 'known' to them, and this may help them to build a better picture of the issues in that household, OR there is nothing going on, and Social Services will close the case after investigating.

This actually sent CHILLS down my spine, reading this.

flywiththecrows · 29/01/2012 10:42

Heswall, by reading the OP I don't believe this was merely "slightly wrong"

Ok if it was just a flash in the comfort of his own home then fine, I'd say forget about it but adding to the situation the way the boy acted upon answering the door and that no one came down to investigate the "silly lady" remarks then I'd say that was more of a cause for concern.

Anyway, like I said up thread I have personal reasons for feeling the way I do and FWIW I come from the school of if you've nothing to hide then why moan about it.

Just the way I am, I'm answering the OP on the way it was worded that's all. I'm not trying to dramatise this for personal gain or mere boredom.

FutureNannyOgg · 29/01/2012 10:44

I'm torn on this one. I can completely see the pov of the people saying call SS, but then at the same time, kids sometimes do really daft things, and I the judgement on the family here doesn't sit comfortably with me. Perhaps the parent was in the bath, the kid doesn't have permission to answer the door but he did, when the parent realised the kid was being at the door being rude, they may have started to get themselves together to sort it out, but the door was slammed in OPs face before they got there. I would try and make contact with the parents, I assume they are neighbours or thereabouts, perhaps say hello and make contact in a neutral way rather than banging on the door talking about their son's genitals, just to test the waters and decide from there whether to raise it with them or elsewhere.
Of course kids need to be protected, but support for parents from within their community can be more productive.

catsareevil · 29/01/2012 10:45

Am I the only person who is surprised by the actions of the OP. I think that it is a little odd and threatening to have knocked on the door, behaved in a way that had the child shaking with fear and then continued knocking after that.

Though tbh that OP doesnt make that much sense anyway - the parents are upstairs, but then the OP knows that it is his nan upstairs (how?).

edam · 29/01/2012 10:48

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion this is a sign of abuse - little boys enjoy shocking people and some of them do think it's hilarious to wave their willies around. Usually with other small children when there's a group and they are all a bit giddy though - odd to flash from a window at an adult. Maybe he's just very cheeky and has realised this is a way to shock people?

Asking you not to tell the grown up in charge whoever she was is not unusual either. But changing his tune and saying it's a silly woman asking questions is odd as is the adult not coming downstairs to find out what on earth was going on.

ds is eight - sometimes gets to the door before I do (townhouse so if I'm upstairs this happens quite a lot) but of course I always check who it is. Would be particularly keen to find out if it was 'a strange woman asking questions'.

Hmm, having read the thread thinking 'it's just a little boy being silly' I think I'm talking myself into thinking you should take this further somehow...

Heswall · 29/01/2012 10:52

Perhpas the parents thought it's another one of those bloody gas/electricity sales people and carried on with their bath/shower/mumsnetting ?

Original poster
allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 11:01

Cats I've sneaked out of church to answer your post. What's so strange about my behaviour? He flashed me so I knocked on the door asking him to bring his patents to the door. Instead of doing that he stood there begging me not to tell them. I heard a voice from upstairs asking him what was going on but whoever she was she didnt come to the door even when I knocked the second time. I didnt run to ss, i discussed with Dh but we didnt know what best to do. Posts like yours really put people off asking for advice from mn

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 29/01/2012 11:22

I honestly wouldn't put it past mine to wave willies at the window, they are 5 and 7. As far as I know they haven't done so yet, although they do sometimes run around the back garden with nothing on (in the summer) and have been known to pull down trousers and show bum (at family members though, rather than complete strangers).

I think the suggestion to ring social services is a little over-enthusiastic.

BoffinMum · 29/01/2012 11:28

My kids have probably done worse in the gentleman vegetable department, including at school, and this is a boringly normal household.

Best not to react initially, then if you get a chance to talk to the little chap, tell him that he needs to stop because it's anti-social. Keep an eye on things generally, and see if he settles down. If not, talk to his mum about it.

I think it would be positively East German to report this behaviour at this stage, as there isn't evidence of anything except him pushing the boundaries. If that changes, then reconsider.