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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Little boy flashed me yesterday - aibu to tell his mum?

190 replies

allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 09:32

So I'm walking home from the shops yesterday when I heard a knock on a window. I ignored it and kept walking but then it knocked again. I turned round to see a little boy standing in his front room window with his trousers round his ankles shaking his 'tinkle' at me. Wtf! I turned round, marched straight to his front door and started knocking. And then it got really wierd.

Said boy answered the door and started apologising, physically shaking with fear and begging me not to tell his mum. So I explained to him how naughty that was and asked him where his parents were. He said they were upstairs but plleeeeaaassse dont tell them. I was about to leave it and told him to 'watch it, cos I know where you live' but then someone from upstairs shouted down asking him who was at the door.

Well, then he changed his tune completely and shouted up that its just some 'silly woman asking stupid questions...go away silly lady and dont knock here again!' and slammed the door in my face.

So then I got really annoyed and started knocking again. After three attempts of knocking he finally answered the door and told me he 'hadnt done nuffink' and he's really sorry, he 'just had an itch'.

I was baffled and shocked by his ability to lie and act. Would I be unreasonable to knock on the door and have a word with his parents? Although the lady upstairs was his nan so maybe he lives with her?

OP posts:
TheBigJessie · 29/01/2012 11:30

Children do childish things sometimes, sure.
Remember though, his response to the idea of his parents finding out about it.

"Physically shaking with fear". Yeah, I'd call SS.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 29/01/2012 11:30

I can see both sides of the argument.
I do not dismiss those who think it could be classed as sexulized behaviour but it could just as easily be silly 7 year old behaviour.

I can quite see my 8 year old doing this. He is has sn. I can also see him egging my 4 year old to join him and them thinking it was hilarious.

I do not think SS will investigate tbh. You can tell them a 7 year old was waving his willy at you and they will have to make the decision where it stands on their list of priorities.

I think it will be very, very low.

That is not to say I think hunty is wrong in her concerns, I dont.

I dont suppose I have been very helpful. Short answer - I dont know what you should do.

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 11:31

reporting to social services is a complete over reaction!

minimisschief · 29/01/2012 11:32

whats weird about this?

He played a stupid prank on you and then shit a brick when you actually did something. He didn't want to get in trouble and was trying to get rid of you before his parents came down.

social services is a tad over the top.

TheBigJessie · 29/01/2012 11:36

Maybe. I've just never known a child physically shake in fear of being reprimanded, unless there was something really bad going on.

southeastastra · 29/01/2012 11:40

he was shaking because you were telling him off most likely, not because he was scared of being reprimanded by his parents.

it really isn't 'overtly sexual behaviour' and kids do the silliest things - they are kids!

keep an eye out when you pass again of course, but don't blow this way out of proportion

BoffinMum · 29/01/2012 11:48

I am sure he knows it is a very silly and naughty thing to do, and his mother will be hugely disapproving, so I imagine that would make him pretty scared. And quite right too.

Original poster
allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 11:58

I'm on my way home and will walk passed his house again but I dont think I'll knock again. What got me was the way he kept changing his story, lieing, begging and shaking all in a v short space of time. Then tried to make out that I was some daft lady at his front door. He defo has issues I think, but what those are, I don't know. Maybe I could ask the nspcc what they think but not give them any address details for now

OP posts:
RachelWalsh · 29/01/2012 11:59

I'd find the whole thing a bit disturbing. I don't see what harm it would do to phone and discuss it with NSPCC and see what they think, if there is nothing wrong then no harm done, if there is then you've not just turned a blind eye.

NotnOtter · 29/01/2012 12:00

Not normal no.... I have five boys and they don't flash their willies just not on their radar
I'd go to the parents - mindful of what's been saud on here... Slightest hunch I'd ring child protecrion

Original poster
allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 12:00

past

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 29/01/2012 12:05

i dont think i would go to the parents given what you have said. I would phone NSPCC - they do a referral to SS anyway - i once had to phone them after a friend of DS told him something and he told me - i couldnt ignore it and phoned NSPCC - social services visited the child in question within 2 days, and the child was in a totally different part of the UK to us.

i thought the response was pretty good from them.

GoingForGoalWeight · 29/01/2012 14:47

Totally agree with Huntycat . Make that call :( poor boy IMO. I knew a woman who thought it was funny to actively encourage her child to strip and wiggle his bits. Still shocking to me, now when i'm remided via such things as this thread. I didn't call SS but maybe i should have done so...

cakeismysaviour · 29/01/2012 14:56

Little surprised that people are saying this is normal! Its not so much the flashing that I find concerning, its what happened afterwards that really makes me think that a call to the NSPCC is worth making.

cyb · 29/01/2012 15:06

havent read all replies but I woudl say a lot of 7 year old boys are very very VERY silly and would think nothing of flashing their bits to a passing stranger , just for the cheeky hell of it

I can name about 3 at my sons school

its not sexualised behaviour- its naughty- he was shit scared he woudl get told off whcih wa why he denied it

VERY Ott responses saying call SS

cyb · 29/01/2012 15:07

He was actually very clever saying a different story to his Nan

unusualsuspect · 29/01/2012 15:09

It sounds like just silly behaviour to me

of course he was scared you were going to tell his mum and changed his story

all this call ss stuff is ott imo

Pinot · 29/01/2012 15:18

Noooo cats you are not alone in those thoughts.

We must be the cynical ones eh?

cakeismysaviour · 29/01/2012 15:25

cyb - Yes but there is a difference between being 'shit-scared' and literally shaking through sheer fear.

It also seems very odd that despite the OP going to be door and having a conversation with the child, and then knocking away afterwards, the parent didn't do anything more than casually shout down to ask who it was, and then was apparently satisfied by the child saying it was a 'silly woman asking stupid questions'.

Hmm
Gribble · 29/01/2012 15:30

Just sounds to me like silly behaviour, and he was probably physically shaking because he wasnt actually expecting the flashee to know on his door (which, tbh, I find stranger, and yes, very threatening, than a daft boy flashing his todger)

Calling SS is a complete overreaction, and its ok saying "if there is no abuse then it wont hurt to ring them" but it can cause alot of distress and upset to parents and child and its something that shouldnt be done lightly IMO.

Christ, when I was about that age I used to knock on peoples doors and moon them from the garden gate, and some of the boys would put their willies inbetween their legs and show off their "lady bits" - that could be deemed as sexual, but it wasnt, its just kids having a laugh at adults expense. oh what great fun

flywiththecrows · 29/01/2012 15:32

having thought about this a little more, although I'm a wee bit Hmm I have first hand experience of family members in the past send 7 year olds to answer the door when an unexpected caller knocks (i find it a tad odd, but who i am to say anything to parents) the reason is so that lazy arse parents don't have to deal with cold callers or to get up off their arse at all

as this is a one off OP I'd be inclined to leave it but if it happens again then knock on the door or make the call.

One more thing: How do you know he's a 7 year old boy? Did you ask him his age?

MadameCastafiore · 29/01/2012 15:33

Normal stupid behaviour from some boys I am afraid and shaking with fear or looking terrified is something DS would do to stop you telling me. Am being a terrible mum DS often answers the door and yells at me to tell me who it is.

Gribble · 29/01/2012 15:37

id also like to ask how the hell OP knew the lasdy upstairs was his Nan? Did she shout down "Grandson, who is at he door?" Confused

And the more I read the OP the more Hmm I am by your very strange behaviour, warning the kid "watch it, I know where you live" (WTF? If I was the parent and heard that you'd have my foot up your arse), knocking on the door three times, getting annoyed at a 7 year old who is being daft? Yes, you are pretty odd OP.

Original poster
allgoodindahood · 29/01/2012 15:53

I think you're more than a bit odd gribble, threatening to put 'a foot up my arse', for what exactly? Telling the boy to stop it, I know this is where you live so I will be back to tell your mum what you've been up to. You sound like a great example to your kids.

As I said Dh and I couldn't decide whether this was something to worry about or not and most of you have really helped so thank you.

In answer to the questions he is the same height as my 7 year old so just guessed his age. He told me his nan was upstairs but she could've been anyone. Thanks again.

OP posts:
Gribble · 29/01/2012 15:58

youd have my foot up your arse for threatening my lad with "I know where you live"

And dont worry Id make sure he wasnt around to see it happen Wink