Little boy flashed me yesterday - aibu to tell his mum?

[allgoodindahood]

So I'm walking home from the shops yesterday when I heard a knock on a window. I ignored it and kept walking but then it knocked again. I turned round to see a little boy standing in his front room window with his trousers round his ankles shaking his 'tinkle' at me. Wtf! I turned round, marched straight to his front door and started knocking. And then it got really wierd.

Said boy answered the door and started apologising, physically shaking with fear and begging me not to tell his mum. So I explained to him how naughty that was and asked him where his parents were. He said they were upstairs but plleeeeaaassse dont tell them. I was about to leave it and told him to 'watch it, cos I know where you live' but then someone from upstairs shouted down asking him who was at the door.

Well, then he changed his tune completely and shouted up that its just some 'silly woman asking stupid questions...go away silly lady and dont knock here again!' and slammed the door in my face.

So then I got really annoyed and started knocking again. After three attempts of knocking he finally answered the door and told me he 'hadnt done nuffink' and he's really sorry, he 'just had an itch'.

I was baffled and shocked by his ability to lie and act. Would I be unreasonable to knock on the door and have a word with his parents? Although the lady upstairs was his nan so maybe he lives with her?

Gribble do you really want a criminal record for assault?

Wow! That's a shame gribble. I'm happy for any reasonable adult to correct my kids. It takes a community to raise them and I want them to have respect. I would at least want to know why the adult was upset. Altho tbf I wasn't annoyed until he slammed the door in my face after calling me a liar. My eldest is super silly so it takes a lot to wind me up

I don't see this as necessarily being 'sexualised behaviour' and seeing it as an indicator of abuse is a hug imaginative leap. I remember kids getting their willies out in infant school a fair bit. I don't think anyone saw it as sexual, just a childish desire to shock. Weeing in circles on the yard being a bit of a craze at one time.

My response would have been to think 'silly sod' shake my head and walk on.

The far more plausible situation is that the little bugger has just learned that willies are rude and has just done it to shock passers by, unaware of the sexual connotations.

He then shat himself with fear when you knocked at the door. I don't blame him for shaking with fear, having an adult say' I know where you live' would be incredibly threatening to a small child, especially if he has been taught to not speak to strangers, especially when the stranger repeatedly banged on the door.

Going - you do know that Im not really going to go round and put my foot up OPs arse dont you? Mainly because a) I dont know where she lives and b) she hasnt threatened my son so there is no need for me to put my foot up her arse

And OP - Im also happy for anyone to correct my kids, threaten them? Fuck no.

hi, just spoken to DP (who works for childrens social care team)and relayed this, he said that this would definitely be investigated due to the sexualised behaviour and the fear shown by the child, also the switching between behaviours shows that the child has observed different ways to behave to avoid frightening consequences. If the family are known to SS then this info from the OP could be helpful in supporting them and protecting the child.

DP said that they'd rather act on a referral and find no risk to a child, and have time 'wasted', than miss a child who is at risk. You can remain completely anonymous.

Deliberately misinterpreting my post does not excuse your statement Gribble. Remember there are ALWAYS tougher people than you, out there. Remember that when placing your foot up people's arses that your DS may have flashed his bits too.

Thank you, goingforgoalweight and cantletitgo. I will be asking nspcc for advice.

The NSPCC will advise you to call SS, they can't really say anything else can they ? They need to cover there arses.
Threads like these make me very weary as to who my children come into contact with, everything is open to interpretation.

I don't see it as necessarily overtly sexual. Could be silly little boy behaviour.

I do agree it's a bit OTT knocking on the door. A stern look would have done it.

Most children would be frightened by s stranger, who has caught them being naughty, repeatedly knocking on the door.

OTOH, I wasn't there so I don't know how "off" I would have found the whole thing at the time.

In other words, what Compos said.

OP you sounded quite threatening to a little boy in his own home ("watch it, I know where you live")

I wasn't threatening at all, I used my 'kiddie' voice the whole time, but I wanted him to know that I might come back to speak to his mum since he wouldn't bring her to the door. But if he was afraid of me why didn't he run and grab an adult or not open the door at all? Why when the adult shouted down he said I was a stupid lady asking silly questions, go away silly lady and don't knock here again. I didn't think it was a big deal until he started having 2 different personalities. I never for a second thought he would answer the front door, I thought mum would.

OP how about if you answered the door to a big,burly adult telling you to watch out as they know where you live? Shake with fear? Feel intimidated?Too fucking right you would.What on earth possessed you to say such a thing? Do you have kids? You may well find yourself on the other end of a visit from SS if the boy tells them what you said.Quite right too.

I feel sorry for that poor kid with you OP repeatedly banging at the door

When my youngest son was about 4ish, I was picking my eldest son up from school. I was waiting by the school doors when all of a sudden, I could hear a horn beeping. I turned to the car park (right next to the doors. Disabled parking row. Just a few feet away from the doors and within the school compound).

As did every other parent waiting.

And we saw my son. Out of his car seat. Standing in the driver's seat. Trousers down. Nappy off. Happily fiddling with his penis while stepping on the horn.

I promise you he has never been the victim of any sexual assault and his behaviour was not as the result of him being 'sexualised'

It was bloody mortifying though!

Young kids do some fairly inexplicable things.

That said, if he seemed really terrified of his parents being told, really terrified, then it's certainly worth asking someone for their advice.

But don't assume that because a little boy decides to do something that in the adult world would be sexual and very alarming, that that must mean that they are being abused.

My son would be terrifed becasue he woudl know what he did was naughty. Not because I woudl beat him

Hecate you're right, Lots to consider, thanks everyone

If this little boy and his family don't need any help then I'm sure SS will take no further action.

However, if, on the other hand there is more 'history' than would be known to the OP, then this might lead to resources being given which might have a beneficial effect if targeted in time.

Please, Op, make that call.

Not sure on this one. Yes I've seen small boys absentmindedly fiddling with their willies (every bloody day in my house, ds seems to either have his hand in his trousers or up his nose constantly) and even showing them off to friends. Standing in the front window knocking on it to get attention then flashing sounds really odd behaviour though and off the scale of what I'd expect for a 7 ish year old boy. That combined with the child terrified of being found out and then lying convincingly to whomever is upstairs to cover for it would worry me enough to ring ss as there are some warning signs in the scenario that could do with checking out.

I'm with cyb

My DS was waving me off the other day, all nudey in the window. I wouldn't put it past him to be 'flashing' passers by, as sometimes, since he is a child, he doesn't always put his clothes on.

He would be absolutley terrified if the passer by hammered on the door as described by the OP, and especially if she then went on to tell him off.

I don't think nudity equates with 'sexualised'. It certainly doesn't in my house.

I am sorry for the experiences of others which points otherwise, but I would probably have carried on walking without another thought.

Two small boys opposite me where I used to live used to frequently pull down their pants and leap up and down on the bed waggling their willies and then moon out the window. I just chalked it up to naughty small boy behaviour and wouldn't have thought of knocking indoor or calling SS.

But if your instinct is that there is something wrong then taking SS advice or NSPCC advice over phone before deciding what to do sounds reasonable...

On door not indoor, stupid iPad

Perhaps he didn't run and grab an adult because the adult might tell him off for doing what he knew was wrong. 7 is old enough to know what's naughty, but do it anyway.

This could all be indicative of something else, or it might not be. I have to admit (I've got 2 boys as well, neither of them, I think, would do this) that it would not be my first instinct to knock on the door. Having knocked on the door, I can't say for sure what I would expect to happen.

Children vary widely in their ability to lie and act. I admit, maybe that, added to the initial offnece adds up to something suspect, or maybe not...

I am interested to see that many posters feel that because it is probably ok, then the OP should do nothing. Probably ok isn't really enough for me to advise the OP against taking any action.

But if everything that could be conceived as potentially risky was reported to s.services then they we would all be reported/reporting to s.services on a daily basis.

We all have to make judgements about perceived risk.

Yes, I agree Compo. However, when discussing this case in particular, I feel that there is far too much room for doubt here to just dismiss it as probably ok.